ShiftHappens

Hi to all. Hope everyone is faring well and working on being healthy and their overall wellbeing.

I have not posted, but have been reading when I felt I needed to.

I have been not even thought of taking a drink in the past year and five months.

Last week I had a MASSIVE, uncontrollable, I'd rather be dead than go through this panic attack.

I honestly felt out of my mind.

While waiting for my doctor to get back to me, a kind neighbor, seeing me shaking and near hysterics, reached into his truck, pulled out a bottle of whiskey and a glass ( welcome to Florida, right?), and gave it to me.

Five minutes later I felt completely normal. Like I could breathe again. My hysterics vanished. Normal.

I've never been a hard liquor drinker. Just binged light beer.

Now however, my mind is thinking " hey, a shot every once in a while is better than having to call the doctor for benzos, just keep some iaround for emergencies, blah, blah, blah.

Wth???? Why all of a sudden when for the past 17 months even looking at the alcohol section in the supermarket made me want to hurl???

I dont get it. I could use some in my coffee right now to be honest. I dont have any, but I just dont understand what goes on with me.

Any comments, suggestions appreciated and again I hope you are all well

Surrendered19

Hi ShiftHappens. I hope you don't drink my friend. Is sounds like your urge to drink, although powerful, was pretty acute and that you surfed past the urge? But if it is more than that, and you are sitting there in relative peace having your coffee, and you feel like dumping whisky into it, you need to work your tools to stay sober. I'm glad you hopped onto SR. A year and five months is absolutely amazing. Don't chuck that out. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that hard booze and prescription meds are not interchangeable, but you should talk to the doc about that, and not Dr. Google either. Hang in there ShiftHappens.

ShiftHappens

Hi, thanks for replying. I did take that one shot about a week ago. Amazed me how fast I calmed down.

Nothing since, but now the urge is back. Seems there are times I just want to be numb. Rather than hysterical, just numb suits me fine. I really need to work on that.

I'm glad I came here too because I need to work through these things or else it's right back in the saddle, only this time with whiskey, not light beer.

Thanks for your support 🙂

Mizz

It is really good you posted. I think you have triggered the alcoholic brain and are on some shaky ground now.

I too have anxiety issues that flare up big time every once in awhile. There are so many tools to get you through. This forum has saved me from GIANT anxiety episodes just recently. I do think it would be good if you continued to post and became actively involved here. It will keep you safe from using more alcohol. Perhaps joining the Jan class or starting your own thread would be good. Check in daily. Congrats on your sober time. Keep moving forward. Stay vigilant. We are here for you.

ShiftHappens

👍 Thank you.

ScottFromWI

Yes, I used alcohol as an attempt to control my anxiety for many years. From a chemical standpoint it makes sense - alcohol is a central nervous system depressent, just like benzos. That's why benzos are prescribed for panic/anxiety disorders, but only for short term use. And while a doctor would probably never prescribe it, a big shot of hard liquour would have a similar effect. The problem of course, is that alcoholics like us will never stop at that one shot. And for people like me, my brain chemistry finally got so fried that even a 12 pack wouldn't slow down my anxiety - and neither would benzos.

The solution in my case after I stopped drinking was to address my anxiety issues as a separate, diagnosable and treatable disorder. I had daily low-level anxiety, heath anxiety, and full blown panic attacks too. The other problem with popping a benzo or taking a shot is that it only treats the symptom - not the root problem. Kind of like taking a tylenol to kill the pain of a pulled muscle...it might numb the pain for a bit, but you still have to do physical therapy to repair the muscle itself.

My anxiety solution involved counseling, lifestyle modification ( diet, exercise, mindfulness, gratitude ), and I even tried a couple of meds for a while. It took time but it's very managable now. Another very important thing that I learned is that that anxiety and panic are both completely normal responses our body has avaialble..but those of us with a disorder just have exxagerated use...and we can re-condition ourselves to have a more normal reaction. We can also learn better ways to recognize it before it gets out of hand - you can literally be self aware of the onset and help minimize it with enough practice.

aasharon90

There are a lot of people, places and things in this world
that would love to keep many sick in addictions. With knowledge
of addiction and all it's affects on us, our minds and bodies,
along with a program of recovery and tools used in recovery
to achieve success in sobriety, then we can avoid these
people, places and things that try to keep us sick in our
addictions.

With footwork in recovery you will intuitively know and
recognized in time these obstacles to avoid, like the man
who offered you booze instead of a helpful suggestion to
get proper help.

Who carries booze in their car or truck?

Maybe someone who is also sick in an addiction.

Surround yourself with recovery support as you continue
to build a strong foundation to live your life upon for a many
one days sober ahead of you.

ShiftHappens

Hi Scot! Good to hear from you!

Of course you're absolutely correct. I've been taking the depression meds religiously, been reading, breathing, cutting agitants out of my life, but them, bam! Worst attack ever. Wished I was dead.

Thanks you for the reminders. My anxiety has dropped from a 10 to a five.

No longer feel like I NEED a drink. I know these feelings will come back though. Its terrifying .

I'm one of those " what you resist persists" people.

So without giving in to a drink I really need to learn some way to deal.

Thanks Scot. Stay warm!

ShiftHappens

I know Sharon, right?? LOTS of folks in rural Florida I suppose.

Yes, thank you for reminding me. He also offered me a joint, which I declined. Nice man in his 70's. IDK anymore.

ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear that, I used to get those attacks completely out of the blue too - at the grocery store standing in line, sitting in my car at a stoplight, etc. One thing that I did have to cut way back on for a while was caffeine too - not sure if you have ever looked at that or not.

You mention depression meds - are did you mean anxiety meds? I tried a few and they were either not effective at all or sometimes counter-effective. Sounds like maybe you should have a talk with your counselor or doc that prescribed them to see if a change is needed?

Anna

Shifthappens, I have generalized anxiety and I have panic attacks, too. They are absolutely horrible, and thankfully, being sober, has cut down on the frequency. I had to deal with my anxiety at the outset of my recovery because my drinking had been self-medication for it. I had no idea how to manage, and I turned to books to help me manage. There are some excellent books that helped me to believe I could learn to manage my anxiety:

Amen, Daniel Change Your Brain, Change Your Life

Bassett, Lucinda From Panic to Power

Burns, David MD When Panic Attacks

Chodron, Pema The Places that Scare You

Doidge, Norman MD The Brain that Changes Itself

Dyer, Wayne Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life

Orsilla, Ken Mindful Way Through Anxiety

phoebe64

A thought: I’m not sure how long you’ve been taking the meds for depression, but, it’s definitely worth discussion with your prescriber(hopefully a psychiatrist or psychiatric nurse), that you had a severe panic attack, especially if that’s unusual for you. Sometimes the meds might need some tweaking in dosage, or some meds control anxiety better than others, along with the depression. It was my experience some years ago.

ShiftHappens

Thanks everyone.

I've been reading a LOT Anna, will make sure to check out the books on your list.

I've been getting depression meds that are supposed to be good for anxiety too. I felt really good at one point, and honestly felt myself going downhill since late October, but no urge to drink at all.

My regular Dr. Prescribes the meds, but I'm calling a psychiatrist nurse today to try and do something.

Thanks all for listening. Just the fact that I woke up wanting a drink NOW was scary. Like my inner child having a temper tantrum.

Scary.

ShiftHappens

Been reading a lot of Pema Anna 👍

iAmSam

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I also have GAD plus panic disorder and have been on medicine for it for about 30 years.

I have been in therapy for many years but now just speak on the phone to psychiatrist rather
than do a 45 minute session with counselor. I know every trick in the book to help myself when I'm
anxious or panicking. But...GAD being as it is....all my tricks cannot prevent the fight or flight, the
absolute refusal to leave the house and the very rare "hysterics" as you called them, etc.

I lost my best friend a few months ago. My dog. He was a golden retriever and I am still absolutely lost without him. Goldens are known for many traits and all them just worked for me. I've been kind of a ball of
... sadness?anxiety?

Anyway...I guess what I'm really curious about is what brought on this panic attack ?

Start there.
As I don't know what to say to you without knowing that.
Other than ... as a fellow GAD sufferer I tend to really want to help my fellow peeps if I can.
And I'm sorry if I misunderstood you have GAD vrs a panic disorder.

iAmSam

Just a bit to add to previous post - my medicine for 30 years is ativan. I'm currently working with a psychiatrist to taper and quit. I'd not do this if this drug hadn't become such a issue with "others". It's one of the most effective and safest drugs that I take. I'm hopeful that a antidepressant may help me some in the future and I'll not hold against them all the trials on them in my past.

I'm well aware that GAD is not something that can be "cured", but am pretty optimistic that with tools, ingrained survivalism, being a mom, God, and one day a new puppy.....that I will make it through.

Dee74

It’s good to hear from you shift ... and it’s good to see that you are fighting back against that irrational impulse to drink again.

We’re alcoholics and addicts - it’s no surprise that a fix will probably make us feel good.... but that drink (whethe4 it be beer wine or spirits) in the longer term brings so much pain. I know you know that

I don’t know what the fix is for anxiety...I still get anxious... but what I do know is I tried drinking and weed and both were useless really.

D

Dee74

I’m really sorry for your loss IAmSam.

D

advbike

Glad you came onboard ShiftHappens. Right now you have a single Lapse, not a Relapse. It may briefly trigger drinking urges but they will quickly be gone if you do not have any more to drink, and get any anxiety and that outspoken AV under control. It is possible to keep on your sober path with little to no damage.

What Scott posted couldn't be said better or more succinctly. I also found a full lifestyle approach best for my anxiety. No booze of course, but also minimizing sugar and caffeine, eating well, and a lot of exercise, which leads to better sleep.. which leads to reduced anxiety. Also for panic situations, deep breathing is awesome - I use Dr Weil's 4-7-8 method - it works almost immediately.

ShiftHappens

I thank everyone and Dee, I missed you most of all - Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, as I'm looking to move to Kansas.

I failed big time today, but called a psychiatrist and made an appointappoint. I'm kind of done. Would like to live what's left of my life naturally without substances or any kind

I think of you folks often and would like to remind you as I probably wont be reading as much since we have to log in. You are always in my prayers - M