InTheEnd

Wow. How I missed this. Made me a bit sad realizing how many times I have to hit this low to get feeling better, only to repeat if over and over. Insanity.

Thank you all for your words of support. Made it through day one and slept awesomely! I was a little worried this time, thinking I’d be feeling some withdrawal but feeling okay. Even had a whole two positive thoughts this morning!

Posting on here yesterday was hard, but so glad I did. Pouring out that wine yesterday was hard, thinking I’d just go buy more, but I did it and I didn’t get anymore. 3pm came, actually started realizing 3pm was coming about 2pm! I started thinking again “Oh hell, why bother, let’s go drunk girl”. I didn’t.

Though yesterday, day one, wasn’t too eventful with no alcohol, I realize a big part of it was I was so hungover and slept awfully the night before. I was in bed and asleep by 7pm last night. I sorta oddly giggled to myself this morningwhen I had a thought...”I’ll just work and go straight to bed and not drink ever”! So basically still isolating but no drinking. Not quite the sober life I’m trying to envision.

So much work to do, and not just alcohol. I have an attitude problem and my mind has always gone negative when things don’t go right. The anger is usually because of these feelings with the alcohol. This time I’ve added a psychologist in the mix. Alcohol is the most pressing issue to get out of my life and get me out of the gutter, but if my sober brain can’t process stress, negative thoughts, or everyday issues without beating myself up, I fear my mind will always keep saying alcohol is the answer.

So day two begins....

biminiblue

Yay!

Stick with us.

advbike

Fantastic approach InTheEnd. I have had several periods where I added some counseling into the mix over the years, and it always helped, mostly in understanding the dysfunctional behavior patterns, the negative self talk, the codependency. Ultimately though, the fastest path to recovery and mental health is by staying sober - removing the primary addiction is what enables the other work to be productive.

Keep at it!

InTheEnd

Agree with absolutely everything you said.

InTheEnd

Day 2 coming to an end. Feeling some anxiety but bearable. Glad to not be drunk. So busy at work, time flew by but the hours between 2-4pm, thought about a wine way too much.

Looking forward to day 3 and really have to battle this one hour at a time. Got a call from my oncologist today and all my checkups are for the middle of February. If all goes well, 4 years cancer free! But that phone call got my head spinning. The possibility of recurrence is always there, like the cloud of dirt around Pigpen from Peanuts. But every 5 months, I get that call, appts set and wait a month. Then I worry, get scared and weak minded.

It could be fine too! Trying to think positive. Scans may be clean, then it’ll be 4 years! Then only 2 more times, then 5 years!

I’ve done all I can and fought hard to beat cancer. I wish I could take that mindset and fight I had and use it towards alcohol. It’s doing the same as my cancer was before I was diagnosed and treated. It’s just the alcohol slowly killing me and don’t have a team of Drs to help. Maybe I’ll think of y’all as my team of sober Drs🥰

Sobertoday54

That is great In the End! I’m taking it one day and one hour at a time too, if I have to. I remind myself how good it will feel to wake up in the morning without a hangover. The alcohol really does kill us slowly. You’re worth this. Keep strong - you kicked cancer so you can kick this too.

MaximusD

Hi intheend. Do your best to stop that negative self talk. I know it can be hard but it doesn't help you. Also, I didn't see if you were exercising. I would get out and do some walking. It is AMAZING how a walk lifts you up. The key is to just do it even if you don't want to. I don't know the details but I would tend to think about letting your daughter in on it and telling her you are sorry and you love her. Some accountability helps. Also, quitting drinking can be rocky, some get it right away and others take a few times. Hang out here closely no matter what happens.

Max

InTheEnd

Thanks all! Day 3. Feeling better today but woke up so tired, though I didn’t sleep that bad. @MaximusD , I used to be a fanatic with exercise but then turned to just a short walk my dog and poor thing, not long enough for her. Looking forward to getting back to nice, long walks with her and the gym.

Spoke to my daughter last night for 2 hours. Though I have to be honest, I wasn’t as blunt and straight forward with her as I was here, I did tell her about the drinking and I’m stopping. She agreed I should and said she knew. Not the extent of it, but how when drinking, my anger would go from 0 to 60 in a blip, for the smallest things. Guess I’m not the “actor” I thought I was. No Oscar for me.

So glad to be here and read throughout the day. Wishing you all a good day❤️

Hevyn

InTheEnd - Proud of you for reaching Day 3 - those first few are often brutal.
I join you in not being the actor I thought I was. Armed with mints, perfume, & eye drops I thought I had it all covered. Nothing masks a change in personality & out-of-character behavior. I, too, became confrontational. Glad you could be open with your daughter. It's such a relief.
We are glad you're here with us.