rebeccacarrie

Still trying to figure out technical issues with posting on forum. I placed this post in my old thread, unsure if I should start new threads with each new post. So I copied and pasted from the old thread, I want to make sure it is seen, the responses really are helpful, and much appreciated. If I am doing it wrong just let me know. Contemplating starting a blog...

Thank You for all of the support, and responses, I really do appreciate it. Day 3 which was yesterday was definitely better than day 2. I felt more in control of my emotions. I know that I still am climbing out of this pit, but I have known darker and deeper depths, and I am so glad that I am taking the steps now to avoid getting to that space again which was 6 years ago. I was really sliding with the daily wine, sneaking more and more alcohol daily, I felt my old life creeping back. I am grateful that I am able to be aware of that and start taking the steps to go in the other direction. I am still using the weight loss excuse with my SO, but I think he knows what I am really doing, I just can't bring myself to talk to him about it yet. I still feel my resolve to not drink, I guess I am not ready to totally let go of the fantasy of being able to be normal as far as my relationship with alcohol. I know that will never be a reality for me. I was actually doing some mental gymnastics yesterday contemplating whether my SO would miss having a partner that could drink. Then I remembered all the times when I am drinking he is monitoring the bottle, making comments to me about not getting out of control. When he does this I hate it, I ask him "why are your policing me?" "Could you please just stop?" So no, I do not really think he would be missing the anxiety over me drinking too much, and him having to babysit. I realize now that he would probably feel relief, just as I would have if my ex had just stopped, and I did not have to live in fear of what next catastrophe would be in store when he was out of control. I do not want to be my ex, I do not want to put this wonderful man I am with through that, I do not want to put myself through that anymore. So here I am the start of day 4. It is New Year Eve morning. My ex asked if he should stop and pick up more wine tonight, I told him no, I am not drinking. I saw relief on his face. My daughter is coming over tonight, her birthday was the 30th, so we are celebrating that, and the new year. So far I am feeling at peace with already saying today I am not drinking. I am already going over in my head how I am going to do tonight. Physically and mentally I feel good today, I know it is a moment by moment experience, I just keep thinking I do not want to drink, and I will not drink. I hope everyone is having a safe and sober NYE and NYD, I will be checking in.

DriGuy

That's a good sign, but remember you need to do this for you. Your husband, or is it your ex? I don't know how to read that above. He may be signaling that he won't get in your way, and that's a big plus.

Planning strategy for tonight is a good thing to do. Being sober on New Years Eve was one heck of a great feeling. My first one was at one year. However, New Year's Eve was my sobriety group's biggest bash of the year. I would not have drank with or without the party, but being around that many sober people at midnight of the new year was exhilarating. It was huge, maybe as many as 40 people with kids and spouses. The only bigger party around would have been at a night club.

My first New Years sober was one of my sobriety landmarks. Sober on New Years? Can you believe it? Making this hurdle is going to give you strength.

tomls

Sounds like you have a plan! Keep on keepin on!

Erica375

Great job, RC! I will be sober tonight with you (see my latest post😷&#129298. We will both feel great tomorrow morning!

I understand the reluctance to announce your new non-drinking status. It was a very personal thing for me. I know some people will say you're just trying to hold on to an escape hatch so you can choose to drink again, but I don't see it that way. You're testing the waters of sobriety for yourself right now. I say, give yourself some time to adjust to your new life before inviting others, with their inevitable opinions, in. You'll know when you're ready to share this with other people.

Have a wonderful NYE! 🎊🎈🎉

Greentree87

Keep going. You don't have to talk about it to anyone until you're ready. Sounds like you have a lot of thoughts whirling around there hopefully its helped you to post them here. keep busy and positive. Sober with you for New Years Eve x