Deferring college hasn't gone well so far
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Deferring college hasn't gone well so far
I started final year of college in September but after a seizure and a psychotic episode, I chose to defer my studies for one year to work on my issues.
The good news is im almost three months sober (Thursday is three months). The bad news is I've had multiple seizures since from consuming too much non alcoholic liquid and multiple psychotic episodes. Im currently in the psych ward recovering from a pretty horrible psychotic break.
When I get out of hospital, I need to address these issues and start studying. Part of why I deferred was I felt I wasn't ready for final year, and I wanted to study the second and third year material and prepare for my final year project, a thesis of sorts.
I know what I have to do to stop having seizures. They've all been caused by low electrolytes from consuming too much liquid and I'm on medication to also help prevent seizures.
The psychotic episodes are trickier. They've all happened in the presence of anti psychotic medication. I think I need to take to my counselor about what I think while I'm psychotic and address that. They don't come on suddenly. My thought processes become paranoid and I start indulging irrational thoughts. Like that everyone is watching me, reading my thoughts, then my thoughts become surreal and I imagine I'm going to die. I need to talk about these things because just medication alone isn't helping enough.
And I need to realize I have only so many months before college and If I want to graduate, I need to be prepared. So once I leave hospital, I'm going to have to start working on my studies and getting into a position where I'm prepared for final year.
It's great that I'm three months sober but just getting sober isn't enough to get my life back on track.
The good news is im almost three months sober (Thursday is three months). The bad news is I've had multiple seizures since from consuming too much non alcoholic liquid and multiple psychotic episodes. Im currently in the psych ward recovering from a pretty horrible psychotic break.
When I get out of hospital, I need to address these issues and start studying. Part of why I deferred was I felt I wasn't ready for final year, and I wanted to study the second and third year material and prepare for my final year project, a thesis of sorts.
I know what I have to do to stop having seizures. They've all been caused by low electrolytes from consuming too much liquid and I'm on medication to also help prevent seizures.
The psychotic episodes are trickier. They've all happened in the presence of anti psychotic medication. I think I need to take to my counselor about what I think while I'm psychotic and address that. They don't come on suddenly. My thought processes become paranoid and I start indulging irrational thoughts. Like that everyone is watching me, reading my thoughts, then my thoughts become surreal and I imagine I'm going to die. I need to talk about these things because just medication alone isn't helping enough.
And I need to realize I have only so many months before college and If I want to graduate, I need to be prepared. So once I leave hospital, I'm going to have to start working on my studies and getting into a position where I'm prepared for final year.
It's great that I'm three months sober but just getting sober isn't enough to get my life back on track.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Hang in there freedomfries, good that you're working with a counselor.... sounds like you may be able to benefit from a psychiatrist as well, if you're not already working with one.
Staying sober will no doubt help.
University can really be a challenge in the best of times, much less while working through the challenges of addiction and mental health issues.
Go easy on yourself in terms of the sense of pressure, I'd say... in my own experience, self-expectations can intensify shame and the inner dialogue of failure and self-destructive talk only makes things worse.
I wonder if there's a way you can take college in smaller chunks? One online class, for example... moving forward but doing so in slow, considered mode that feels less intense and gives you space to do your work of recovery and of mental health.
I offer you my hope and I encourage you to breathe, let yourself take the time you need...... college will always be there.
Staying sober will no doubt help.
University can really be a challenge in the best of times, much less while working through the challenges of addiction and mental health issues.
Go easy on yourself in terms of the sense of pressure, I'd say... in my own experience, self-expectations can intensify shame and the inner dialogue of failure and self-destructive talk only makes things worse.
I wonder if there's a way you can take college in smaller chunks? One online class, for example... moving forward but doing so in slow, considered mode that feels less intense and gives you space to do your work of recovery and of mental health.
I offer you my hope and I encourage you to breathe, let yourself take the time you need...... college will always be there.
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 4,788
Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
Hang in there freedomfries, good that you're working with a counselor.... sounds like you may be able to benefit from a psychiatrist as well, if you're not already working with one.
Staying sober will no doubt help.
University can really be a challenge in the best of times, much less while working through the challenges of addiction and mental health issues.
Go easy on yourself in terms of the sense of pressure, I'd say... in my own experience, self-expectations can intensify shame and the inner dialogue of failure and self-destructive talk only makes things worse.
I wonder if there's a way you can take college in smaller chunks? One online class, for example... moving forward but doing so in slow, considered mode that feels less intense and gives you space to do your work of recovery and of mental health.
I offer you my hope and I encourage you to breathe, let yourself take the time you need...... college will always be there.
Staying sober will no doubt help.
University can really be a challenge in the best of times, much less while working through the challenges of addiction and mental health issues.
Go easy on yourself in terms of the sense of pressure, I'd say... in my own experience, self-expectations can intensify shame and the inner dialogue of failure and self-destructive talk only makes things worse.
I wonder if there's a way you can take college in smaller chunks? One online class, for example... moving forward but doing so in slow, considered mode that feels less intense and gives you space to do your work of recovery and of mental health.
I offer you my hope and I encourage you to breathe, let yourself take the time you need...... college will always be there.
I have to take the year together to graduate with honours. It'd be a shame not to after having such a long road to get here.
Yeah I'm working with my psychiatrist and he's adjusting my meds.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I understand. At the same time, bear in mind that 'honours' come in many forms....
None more honourable than the life well lived, in presence and with truth to one's self, one's soul, one's presence.
Sometimes, we are called to question what is truly in our best interest and the powerful pull of things like the expectations of others, of a program of study, of the 'system' around us can be a challenge to set aside as we get honest in answering that question.
But, you know your situation far better than I do.... only offering you reflections here, not advice.
I hope you find your path and continue to do so in sobriety. In my experience, that is crucial to solving all our other conundrums.
None more honourable than the life well lived, in presence and with truth to one's self, one's soul, one's presence.
Sometimes, we are called to question what is truly in our best interest and the powerful pull of things like the expectations of others, of a program of study, of the 'system' around us can be a challenge to set aside as we get honest in answering that question.
But, you know your situation far better than I do.... only offering you reflections here, not advice.
I hope you find your path and continue to do so in sobriety. In my experience, that is crucial to solving all our other conundrums.
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I think getting sober is never enough. It's just the beginning. And, it's when the really hard work begins, including dealing with all the underlying issues involved. You have a goal ahead of you and hopefully you can work your way to achieving that goal. 
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Location: NSW - Australia
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Do your psychiatrist, and counsellor believe you are ready to immerse yourself back into studies FF? Good that your psych is adjusting your medication. I think my daughter is covertly reducing hers, have noticed changes in her behaviour lately. I know she doesn't like the medication and can understand, but still incredibly stressful. I'll be speaking with her doctor tomorrow. Just sharing FF.
Congratulation on 3 months sobriety, and in my humble opinion, your mental health comes first.
I think you explained very well the lead up to the breaks. Delusions; people watching you; the fear that you are about to die; paranoia. Don't think you need to be in a psychotic break to explain to your counsellor. You do that well enough now.
How are you addressing low electrolytes?
Always on your side FF. Take care.
Congratulation on 3 months sobriety, and in my humble opinion, your mental health comes first.
I think you explained very well the lead up to the breaks. Delusions; people watching you; the fear that you are about to die; paranoia. Don't think you need to be in a psychotic break to explain to your counsellor. You do that well enough now.
How are you addressing low electrolytes?
Always on your side FF. Take care.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
FF,
We all have your back.
None of this is easy, and I cannot imagine what you are going through, but I am amazed by your strength.
About the studies, going back through two years material seems like a lot and might be overwhelming -- do you have access to the material for next year? I ask because it might more sense to start going through that to get ready and only go back over the old material as needed.
When I was in law school, I read all the old exams and then did what I needed to do to be prepared. Even if you don't have old tests, I might buy the books and see what you got to know and then review what you need to review.
I know they say you should not study for the test, but that is exactly what I did...and when I write a paper, I think its usually best to start writing early and then fill in the gaps instead of over researching and not leaving enough time to write the thing.
I know, easier said than done, but there is nothing wrong with focused effort.
You got this.
We all have your back.
None of this is easy, and I cannot imagine what you are going through, but I am amazed by your strength.
About the studies, going back through two years material seems like a lot and might be overwhelming -- do you have access to the material for next year? I ask because it might more sense to start going through that to get ready and only go back over the old material as needed.
When I was in law school, I read all the old exams and then did what I needed to do to be prepared. Even if you don't have old tests, I might buy the books and see what you got to know and then review what you need to review.
I know they say you should not study for the test, but that is exactly what I did...and when I write a paper, I think its usually best to start writing early and then fill in the gaps instead of over researching and not leaving enough time to write the thing.
I know, easier said than done, but there is nothing wrong with focused effort.
You got this.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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I know its hard when we want to be fixed immediately but I'd focus on your health for now, I really would.
I dunno how it is in Ireland but here time off for illness does not affect an Honours degree.
D
I dunno how it is in Ireland but here time off for illness does not affect an Honours degree.
D
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Originally Posted by Dee74
I know its hard when we want to be fixed immediately but I'd focus on your health for now, I really would.
I dunno how it is in Ireland but here time off for illness does not affect an Honours degree.
D
I dunno how it is in Ireland but here time off for illness does not affect an Honours degree.
D
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 4,788
Originally Posted by Khorhey
Yeah when you get sober you have to deal with all the stuff you got drunk to avoid. And it doesn’t happen in a few days. As your brain heals you work through it but still have life today.
Originally Posted by Steely
Do your psychiatrist, and counsellor believe you are ready to immerse yourself back into studies FF? Good that your psych is adjusting your medication. I think my daughter is covertly reducing hers, have noticed changes in her behaviour lately. I know she doesn't like the medication and can understand, but still incredibly stressful. I'll be speaking with her doctor tomorrow. Just sharing FF.
Congratulation on 3 months sobriety, and in my humble opinion, your mental health comes first.
I think you explained very well the lead up to the breaks. Delusions; people watching you; the fear that you are about to die; paranoia. Don't think you need to be in a psychotic break to explain to your counsellor. You do that well enough now.
How are you addressing low electrolytes?
Always on your side FF. Take care.
Congratulation on 3 months sobriety, and in my humble opinion, your mental health comes first.
I think you explained very well the lead up to the breaks. Delusions; people watching you; the fear that you are about to die; paranoia. Don't think you need to be in a psychotic break to explain to your counsellor. You do that well enough now.
How are you addressing low electrolytes?
Always on your side FF. Take care.
I'm trying to deal with the electrolytes but I have to confess I am still drinking too much. I'm on a pill that prevents seizures so hopefully that will help. I know I need to drink less but it's an addiction.
Originally Posted by Dropsie
FF,
We all have your back.
None of this is easy, and I cannot imagine what you are going through, but I am amazed by your strength.
About the studies, going back through two years material seems like a lot and might be overwhelming -- do you have access to the material for next year? I ask because it might more sense to start going through that to get ready and only go back over the old material as needed.
When I was in law school, I read all the old exams and then did what I needed to do to be prepared. Even if you don't have old tests, I might buy the books and see what you got to know and then review what you need to review.
I know they say you should not study for the test, but that is exactly what I did...and when I write a paper, I think its usually best to start writing early and then fill in the gaps instead of over researching and not leaving enough time to write the thing.
I know, easier said than done, but there is nothing wrong with focused effort.
You got this.
We all have your back.
None of this is easy, and I cannot imagine what you are going through, but I am amazed by your strength.
About the studies, going back through two years material seems like a lot and might be overwhelming -- do you have access to the material for next year? I ask because it might more sense to start going through that to get ready and only go back over the old material as needed.
When I was in law school, I read all the old exams and then did what I needed to do to be prepared. Even if you don't have old tests, I might buy the books and see what you got to know and then review what you need to review.
I know they say you should not study for the test, but that is exactly what I did...and when I write a paper, I think its usually best to start writing early and then fill in the gaps instead of over researching and not leaving enough time to write the thing.
I know, easier said than done, but there is nothing wrong with focused effort.
You got this.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
FF, my friend, and this is a lesson I had to learn for myself...but you need to do a LOT less living in the future thinking about things that are yet to come and a lot more time living in the day. What is the rush? I was in college for 6 years and that was the perfect amount of time. Your aggressive plans always make me nervous for you. Please slow down and focus on your physical and mental health.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
@BeABetterMan hit the nail on the head. Only you can decide what's best for you but I needed 7 years to get through school. This is because I started out of HS, then my drinking pretty much torpedoed me. I went back years later and had to juggle FT work with FT school. Sure, I'd have been better off if I'd have finished younger but that's also kind of the point- I really couldn't handle it at the time. You might have 60 more years (or more!) left on this rock, so remember that worry is interest paid on trouble before it comes due. Slow down and get your health under control or you won't make it through school anyway.
I believe in miracles :)
Join Date: Nov 2020
Location: Europe
Posts: 160
There are different experiences and paths, don't have the pressure to overachieve. If it's meant to be, it will be a success.
I failed my second Master's in 2006. My grades were OK but I got stuck with my final project (+ my tutor was a notorious ********). I enrolled again and got stuck again in 2007 with the same tutor. I said **** it and found a full-time job.
In 2010, I felt I was ready to get back to the research pool. I contacted a different tutor, worked my ass off on the final project while working full time.
I finally completed my Master's in 2011 with distinction, 8m pregnant. It took me 5 years to get there and I was almost 31 at that time. Not even an alcoholic back then
So relax and take care of your health first.
I failed my second Master's in 2006. My grades were OK but I got stuck with my final project (+ my tutor was a notorious ********). I enrolled again and got stuck again in 2007 with the same tutor. I said **** it and found a full-time job.
In 2010, I felt I was ready to get back to the research pool. I contacted a different tutor, worked my ass off on the final project while working full time.
I finally completed my Master's in 2011 with distinction, 8m pregnant. It took me 5 years to get there and I was almost 31 at that time. Not even an alcoholic back then
So relax and take care of your health first.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Some of us are on the long term plan. I couldn't finish college due to excessive partying and the need to work. I eventually grew up a bit, developed a successful career and completed my Bachelors degree at age 36 through an executive program. Went back and got a Masters degree at age 42. The last one included several weeks of international travel, all paid for by my employer. So it's always possible. Just stay in the present and work on getting healthy, as others have mentioned. None of it happens until you develop a strong foundation.
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