Boggle10

I've made it to day 11,to be honest I haven't posted much I read on here everyday, still no notion to drink, I'm trying to forget about it, it's probably not the answer but Im just taking this as it comes, hope you are all well x

Dee74

Congratulations on 11 days

I hesitate to suggest something when your ‘Forget about it ‘ way is working so far.. however...I do recommend thinking about scenarios where you will be tempted tho, because they will happen - and it’s always best to be at least a little prepared?

puzzle

Congrats on day 11!

Boggle10

Dee, I understand what your saying, as I'm sure if you have read my posts so far I live with a drinker, 2 daughters whom don't live with us anymore, all drink in my home, well the garage, it gets me down, but maybe they can stop at maybe four drinks I'm not so good, I really hate the thought of it at this time, have you any suggestions for when and if times get hard. I'd appreciate any and all help I can get thank you x

Boggle10

Thank you puzzle x

Anna

Boggle, that does sound tough. Is it possible for you to stay away from the garage when they are drinking? Do you have a space where you could watch a movie or read for awhile? Or could you go out and go for a walk? I wonder if you've talked to them about how you feel, not that you should expect them to stop drinking when you're nearby, or is that the reason they use the garage?

Boggle10

Anna, I stay away from the garage I usually go to the bath and go to bed and read, I've stopped the babysitting the grandchildren I've made a rule no children after 7.and if they don't leave I send them to the garage. Unfair on the wee ones but my sanity is more important. X

Mizz

It is perfectly acceptable to set boundaries for yourself and to keep those boundaries in place. I would not feel bad about it. (in regards to the grandchildren) Perhaps you may need to take it a bit further and ask your adult children to stop drinking in your garage as you get your footing with sobriety. Do they have their own homes to drink in? I'm not trying to be harsh here but the changes you are making are significant. Your home is a sanctuary for you. Asking for a little breathing room from something that is harming you is acceptable. Just an opinion.

Dee74

Some good ideas here already Boggle. It’s tough to live with people drinking, but support helps. Keep posting - as much as you need to!

D

Boggle10

Anna, I've already ask this, they know I've a problem with it but they don't seem to give a flying fig, my oldest daughter even put a bottle of gin in my shopping trolly, which I paid for by the way, they are full of empty promises

Boggle10

Thank you Dee, I'm only starting now to come around from my last fall, it's so easy to slide not so easy to get back upright, x il try and keep posting, x

Mizz

Your adult children are only behaving in a way that has been allowed. You chose to pay for the Gin. It was a decision that was made by you at the checkout stand. The bottle could have been handed to her and simply stated " I am not paying for your alcohol."

It is very hard to set boundaries and to not feel bad about those boundaries. It may not be that your daughter doesn't give a flying fig. She is doing what she always done and what has been generally accepted amongst the family/ you. (repeating myself here, sorry!)

Getting some firm boundaries in place seems appropriate. I don't know what that looks like for you but here are some ideas:

1) not paying for your adult children's alcohol and telling your adult children that you are no longer purchasing alcohol for them.

2) Asking children to drink in their own homes

3) asking husband to support your wishes with above

4) Not caring for the grandchildren due to adult children drinking. You are their grandmother. You get to hand them back whenever you would like. The adult children can find a paid babysitter if they want to drink and have a good time.

No one will know what you are thinking and how resentful you have become if you don't speak your voice.

You have more strength than you know.

Boggle10

Mizz p, I agree with everything you said, our two daughters are spoilt rotten, I never lifted a hand to them in my life, I handed them and reached them everything they ever wanted within. My budget, they know no different now, it's just expected of me to give and give, I created demons lol, I know it's my own fault, and now when I'm trying to change there attitudes I'm flogging a dead horse, x

Mizz

Well, If you take the approach of changing yourself then the adult children will soon see and realize that you have set a new precedent.

I am solely responsible for what I allow and don't allow to take place in my life.

I am also learning boundaries and creating them for my own inner peace and inner health. This work is hard but it is so necessary for our road to recovery and also just to live in this world with all the other human beings.

proudtobehere

Great job! Keep the streak going!

Boggle10

So it's now end of day 13, ready for bed, hope your all well x

Dee74

You too Boggle

D

Boggle10

Day 14, had a chat with my girls last night, my oldest who is 30 ask "don't you feel better in yourself mammy" I do, I get that voice in my head occasionally but I tell it to f.. K off and give my head peace, I've told them that on Christmas day they won't be drinking until after dinner that's when they all go to other family's house, but what with covid and the restrictions in our life it may well be a stay at home evening, and to be honest I don't go visiting anyway. So here's to another day, hope you are all well x