No More Excuses
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 86
No More Excuses
This post is going to sound ridiculous! I can often not have any desire to drink during the week, but am binge drinker during the weekend and sometimes how odd as it sounds, once every few months, I drink in the morning. Well, it has been that morning. I don’t deny that I am not an alcoholic.
I find anything to trigger me to drink. We are friends/ acquaintances with our one son’s football families and they are all pretty much on the affluent side. Our family on the other hand due to my poor financial management,we now rent a house, live paycheck to paycheck, etc. I am so ashamed of where we live ( I would be so embarrassed to have them even see where we live). I really think this is a direct result of where my alcoholism led me. The trigger was we were talking to a parent of one of our son’s teammate and he was telling us he was putting this new pool and has this thing at his and this (it wasn’t him bragging at all). It made me realize that I had all those choices and opportunities, but drinking made me have very poor cloudy judgement.
I try to be grateful, I really do, but the shame and regrets suck me back into drinking.
I find anything to trigger me to drink. We are friends/ acquaintances with our one son’s football families and they are all pretty much on the affluent side. Our family on the other hand due to my poor financial management,we now rent a house, live paycheck to paycheck, etc. I am so ashamed of where we live ( I would be so embarrassed to have them even see where we live). I really think this is a direct result of where my alcoholism led me. The trigger was we were talking to a parent of one of our son’s teammate and he was telling us he was putting this new pool and has this thing at his and this (it wasn’t him bragging at all). It made me realize that I had all those choices and opportunities, but drinking made me have very poor cloudy judgement.
I try to be grateful, I really do, but the shame and regrets suck me back into drinking.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Hey Chung.....shame and regret are the two things that are always able to pull you back into old patterns, if you let them. It's really hard to let go of those feelings but it can be done. If you feel you are responsible for things turning out the way they have, then maybe try and look at now/the future as an opportunity to do things the right way.....to put your energy into things you are proud of and that make you and your family happy. Changing the way you see things can make all the difference.
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
I used to feel like that. I drank in the mornings every chance I got in the last couple of years of my drinking. Today, at age 46 I earn about half of what I earned 10 years ago. Some of those losses were caused by drinking. My daughter was struggling too while her two cousins were thriving. I couldn't stand to be around them.
In Jan 2020 when I finally stopped I just had to accept what was and BELIEVE that sobriety would bring something different because anything is better than the self-loathing that comes with alcoholism.
And it did. There is still some guilt but 9 months in there's an overarching sense of self-respect in my life now. My daughter and I laugh together now! With these gains, there is NO WAY I would ever go back to drinking. In fact, I have no desire for it anymore. Other things have taken its place.
It amazes me every day that I can just move through my day now without ever wanting to drink. It takes time but it certainly does happen. Build yourself and good sober history you can be proud of.
In Jan 2020 when I finally stopped I just had to accept what was and BELIEVE that sobriety would bring something different because anything is better than the self-loathing that comes with alcoholism.
And it did. There is still some guilt but 9 months in there's an overarching sense of self-respect in my life now. My daughter and I laugh together now! With these gains, there is NO WAY I would ever go back to drinking. In fact, I have no desire for it anymore. Other things have taken its place.
It amazes me every day that I can just move through my day now without ever wanting to drink. It takes time but it certainly does happen. Build yourself and good sober history you can be proud of.
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Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC
Posts: 41
I can relate to what you are going through. For most of my life I chased money and material things as a measure of success, and compared myself to others which would sometimes make me feel good about my position, and other times make me feel like less or jealous of them. No matter what level of money or material things, there will always be somebody with a better car, nicer house, or a bigger yacht. It is a losing battle since the definition of success, purpose, and pride is our own to make, and ever changing. Even after achieving what I thought would be the end all be all I found myself wanting more and did not have satisfaction, rather it was the opposite. The list of wants only got bigger. Over the past couple years I have downsized income and lifestyle considerably and it actually has lead to more contentment overall - but those feelings of guilt for not living up to my own expectations still jump out from time to time. I believe the trick is that the desire for more does not have to be a bad thing as long as it is tempered with realism and giving thanks and appreciation for what we DO have, and only use that desire for more as motivation and fuel to work towards future goals. Money does not bring happiness, many times it has the opposite effect. Building a pool is stressful and just adds additional maintenance to the house, no need to envy that unless you allow yourself to.
The first thing is to focus on what you do have and give thanks, there are so many more people with less who would do anything to have the comfort and security of where you live. Things like health, family, love, are priceless. Money and materials are false idols with no true satisfaction or purpose.
The next thing is to set some realistic goals, and work to achieve them step by step. Write down a 1,5, and 10 year plan. Be very specific about the things you hope for. Make a vision board to physically represent your dreams, and be sure to include sobriety in these goals as that will be a key ingredient for achieving them. These goals are your "what". Then write down your "why", the reasons you would like to achieve those goals, how it will make you feel, how it will help you and others, what satisfaction it will bring. The why is your fuel and motivation for achieving the what. Once the what and why are in place the how comes much more naturally. All it takes is a small consistent effort every day, and it is all possible. The trick for people like us is to continue day after day month after month without sabotaging ourselves.
Shame and regret can run rampant in every single neighborhood and tax bracket. The antidote is to focus and give thanks for the good things already in your life, and only worry about what you can control. Writing down what you are grateful for and also writing your goals and why's on a consistent basis will remind you of where you are and where you are going. I hope that can help. I am working on it myself. Feel free to send me a PM
The first thing is to focus on what you do have and give thanks, there are so many more people with less who would do anything to have the comfort and security of where you live. Things like health, family, love, are priceless. Money and materials are false idols with no true satisfaction or purpose.
The next thing is to set some realistic goals, and work to achieve them step by step. Write down a 1,5, and 10 year plan. Be very specific about the things you hope for. Make a vision board to physically represent your dreams, and be sure to include sobriety in these goals as that will be a key ingredient for achieving them. These goals are your "what". Then write down your "why", the reasons you would like to achieve those goals, how it will make you feel, how it will help you and others, what satisfaction it will bring. The why is your fuel and motivation for achieving the what. Once the what and why are in place the how comes much more naturally. All it takes is a small consistent effort every day, and it is all possible. The trick for people like us is to continue day after day month after month without sabotaging ourselves.
Shame and regret can run rampant in every single neighborhood and tax bracket. The antidote is to focus and give thanks for the good things already in your life, and only worry about what you can control. Writing down what you are grateful for and also writing your goals and why's on a consistent basis will remind you of where you are and where you are going. I hope that can help. I am working on it myself. Feel free to send me a PM
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
Originally Posted by Chung 
I try to be grateful, I really do, but the shame and regrets suck me back into drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Hi Chung
We’ve all done it but it’s madness to deal with shame and regret by drinking, cos drinking (no matter if it’s every day, in the morning, every weekend or every so often) just causes more shame and regret....
One of the best things about recovery is being able to look at myself in the mirror, look myself straight in the eye and not wanting to turn away in disgust.
D
We’ve all done it but it’s madness to deal with shame and regret by drinking, cos drinking (no matter if it’s every day, in the morning, every weekend or every so often) just causes more shame and regret....
One of the best things about recovery is being able to look at myself in the mirror, look myself straight in the eye and not wanting to turn away in disgust.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 744
Its about what you have not what you don't have.
Just from the OP, with terms like "son" and "ours" and "rent" I see you have some things to be grateful for.
If you stay sober more good things are more likely to come into your life one day at a time. I use to rack up debt and not care because I could drink. It takes time to fix things and one drink to mess things up further.
At 46 years old some of my dreams are probably permanently smashed. They're just that though my dreams and the way i think things should be. God has never given me more than I can handle. I'm right where God wants me to be. What others think of our current status. More so in our case, what we think others think of our status. That stuff doesn't really matter.
Just from the OP, with terms like "son" and "ours" and "rent" I see you have some things to be grateful for.
If you stay sober more good things are more likely to come into your life one day at a time. I use to rack up debt and not care because I could drink. It takes time to fix things and one drink to mess things up further.
At 46 years old some of my dreams are probably permanently smashed. They're just that though my dreams and the way i think things should be. God has never given me more than I can handle. I'm right where God wants me to be. What others think of our current status. More so in our case, what we think others think of our status. That stuff doesn't really matter.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 637
Our family on the other hand due to my poor financial management,we now rent a house, live paycheck to paycheck, etc. I am so ashamed of where we live ( I would be so embarrassed to have them even see where we live)
From reading your post you have lost alot. Think of this in a positive way . You have a roof over your head, a job that pays you a pay check. You recognize that alcohol has become a problem. Now time to put in the work on recovery. Don't worry about the material stuff it can all come back and more. Just take it day by day. I was a weekend binge drinker aswell. It's the environment or the social interactions with people that was also addicting.
From reading your post you have lost alot. Think of this in a positive way . You have a roof over your head, a job that pays you a pay check. You recognize that alcohol has become a problem. Now time to put in the work on recovery. Don't worry about the material stuff it can all come back and more. Just take it day by day. I was a weekend binge drinker aswell. It's the environment or the social interactions with people that was also addicting.
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