I'm going to pay for this ( a haiku )
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
This may be an unpopular opinion but I believe Antabuse is a message to your brain that you are “unable to quit” without external controls.
Remove the Antabuse and quit with internal control.
you CAN quit under your own desire and will to quit. It takes seeing what the drinking life really is for us, instead of what the lying addiction tells us it is. The drinking life for an alcoholic is sickness, humiliation, failure and death. Recovery is hope, peace, wellness and rebuilding life.
the impulse to drink is always, 100%, no question about it; a lie. Get stubborn about stopping and staying stopped, the same stubbornness you previously applied to making yourself drink again, and you can stay quit.
Don’t let anything get in the way of sobriety: people, places, things, situations, bad thoughts: separate yourself psychologically from them in order to advocate for yourself.
Remove the Antabuse and quit with internal control.
you CAN quit under your own desire and will to quit. It takes seeing what the drinking life really is for us, instead of what the lying addiction tells us it is. The drinking life for an alcoholic is sickness, humiliation, failure and death. Recovery is hope, peace, wellness and rebuilding life.
the impulse to drink is always, 100%, no question about it; a lie. Get stubborn about stopping and staying stopped, the same stubbornness you previously applied to making yourself drink again, and you can stay quit.
Don’t let anything get in the way of sobriety: people, places, things, situations, bad thoughts: separate yourself psychologically from them in order to advocate for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,594
I think that's a great decision FF. I used to go to AA early in my journey and it really helped. Listening and talking with other people, sharing common experience. It definitely kept me sober.
I no longer go to AA. I use SR as my support, and connection. But beyond doubt it really helped me in the beginning. Still use many of its tenets to help me along the way. Step 1 is a beauty.
Enjoy your meeting FF. And, "look for the similarities, not the differences."
I no longer go to AA. I use SR as my support, and connection. But beyond doubt it really helped me in the beginning. Still use many of its tenets to help me along the way. Step 1 is a beauty.
Enjoy your meeting FF. And, "look for the similarities, not the differences."
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,594
It was not for me, ultimately, FF, and reason why I parted ways. And that's ok. Many ways to get sober thank goodness. Parts of the 'programme' did not fit with me, either. And that's ok too. I just took "what I needed, and left the rest."
In the beginning the simple act of attending a meeting, having a schedule, kept me sober. I was doing SOMETHING whose focus was sobriety. This was all that mattered.
Met some good people, met some nutters, but that's true everywhere we go.
It's the 'fronting up' to getting sober that counts in the end. Attending an AA meeting has you 'front'. And that's a good thing.
In the beginning the simple act of attending a meeting, having a schedule, kept me sober. I was doing SOMETHING whose focus was sobriety. This was all that mattered.
Met some good people, met some nutters, but that's true everywhere we go.
It's the 'fronting up' to getting sober that counts in the end. Attending an AA meeting has you 'front'. And that's a good thing.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Originally Posted by freedomfries 
I don't really think the AA program is for me. But I will attend meetings.
I too thought AA wasn't for me. I have now got 2 years and 4 months of sobriety, I have worked through the steps and as a result had a spiritual experience and a complete physic change and the obsession to drink has left me. I am so glad that I kept going and tried to keep my mind as open as possible and came to realise that although I thought I knew everything I knew nothing and it was a really humbling experience and has allowed me to be teachable and to remain teachable on a daily basis. I love AA. It has not only saved my life but it has given me a life.
Good luck and enjoy your meeting and come back to update us 🙏❤
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: England
Posts: 315
From my vast experience of "trying" to stop drinking, what I have noticed with any method you try, or even your own method, the people who succeed are the people who point blank refuse to put any more alcohol into their systems.
The different methods just make this easier for different people. I have known a fair few people who just got sick of the stuff and gave up with no method, but what they did do was ignore any urge to drink. They were already mostly there, because they wanted nothing drink had to offer. But if you want to give up but the effect of pleasure the alcohol turbo charged neural reward system delivers still holds some attraction it can't hurt to have some back up.
I'm not that far away from my last drink at all, the time I haven't drank is a drop in the ocean compared to the decades I did drink. But even now, I can step back and think "was it worth it?" and the answer is always "no"
If I had a receipt for the pleasure I got from drinking, compared to the price I paid, I'd go and get my money back
The different methods just make this easier for different people. I have known a fair few people who just got sick of the stuff and gave up with no method, but what they did do was ignore any urge to drink. They were already mostly there, because they wanted nothing drink had to offer. But if you want to give up but the effect of pleasure the alcohol turbo charged neural reward system delivers still holds some attraction it can't hurt to have some back up.
I'm not that far away from my last drink at all, the time I haven't drank is a drop in the ocean compared to the decades I did drink. But even now, I can step back and think "was it worth it?" and the answer is always "no"
If I had a receipt for the pleasure I got from drinking, compared to the price I paid, I'd go and get my money back
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
As Sassy said so well: I’m so relieved I don’t have to play alcohol games that I never win, ever again.
And its not just the games, its the planning around drinking, the constant internal debate.
What are we 12? We know this is not a good thing, but we let ourselves talk ourselves into it again and again notwithstanding the terrible consequences, even when we are taking drugs that we KNOW are going to make us ill.
If you told someone this story, they would think we had lost our minds, which in a way we have.
FF, I am so glad you are OK and going to AA. Again, I have to agree with Sass that Antabuse was a message to my brain that I was “unable to quit” without external controls. My ex made me get an antabuse implant once after I had stopped already for six months. I think in his heart he wanted me to drink and by forcing me to be policed he knew my internal 12 year old would push back and it did.
The one thing I would say in hindsight is how immature I was in relation to alcohol when I drank. That is better after five years. But I also think that I started drinking so young to avoid hard things that I am less mature than I should be and that leads to procrastination etc. Something to think on.
But for now, FF, I am so happy you have decided to stop doing this to yourself. whatever way you can. AA, antabuse, SR, big plan, or all of the above and more.
You can do hard things. And to go with your name, the freedom sobriety gives you is amazing. All of us who quit drinking are amazing. Never forget that.
And its not just the games, its the planning around drinking, the constant internal debate.
What are we 12? We know this is not a good thing, but we let ourselves talk ourselves into it again and again notwithstanding the terrible consequences, even when we are taking drugs that we KNOW are going to make us ill.
If you told someone this story, they would think we had lost our minds, which in a way we have.
FF, I am so glad you are OK and going to AA. Again, I have to agree with Sass that Antabuse was a message to my brain that I was “unable to quit” without external controls. My ex made me get an antabuse implant once after I had stopped already for six months. I think in his heart he wanted me to drink and by forcing me to be policed he knew my internal 12 year old would push back and it did.
The one thing I would say in hindsight is how immature I was in relation to alcohol when I drank. That is better after five years. But I also think that I started drinking so young to avoid hard things that I am less mature than I should be and that leads to procrastination etc. Something to think on.
But for now, FF, I am so happy you have decided to stop doing this to yourself. whatever way you can. AA, antabuse, SR, big plan, or all of the above and more.
You can do hard things. And to go with your name, the freedom sobriety gives you is amazing. All of us who quit drinking are amazing. Never forget that.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
That's great that you are going back to AA Freedom.
I just wanted to chime in with everyone else who has taken Antabuse and drank.....I have and I have been so, so ill that I was sure I was gonna die. It's dangerous stuff man and you need to stop messing around with it.
AA is a way out for loads of folks....I hope it goes really well for you.
I just wanted to chime in with everyone else who has taken Antabuse and drank.....I have and I have been so, so ill that I was sure I was gonna die. It's dangerous stuff man and you need to stop messing around with it.
AA is a way out for loads of folks....I hope it goes really well for you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by Philemon
From my vast experience of "trying" to stop drinking, what I have noticed with any method you try, or even your own method, the people who succeed are the people who point blank refuse to put any more alcohol into their systems.
The different methods just make this easier for different people. I have known a fair few people who just got sick of the stuff and gave up with no method, but what they did do was ignore any urge to drink. They were already mostly there, because they wanted nothing drink had to offer. But if you want to give up but the effect of pleasure the alcohol turbo charged neural reward system delivers still holds some attraction it can't hurt to have some back up.
I'm not that far away from my last drink at all, the time I haven't drank is a drop in the ocean compared to the decades I did drink. But even now, I can step back and think "was it worth it?" and the answer is always "no"
If I had a receipt for the pleasure I got from drinking, compared to the price I paid, I'd go and get my money back
The different methods just make this easier for different people. I have known a fair few people who just got sick of the stuff and gave up with no method, but what they did do was ignore any urge to drink. They were already mostly there, because they wanted nothing drink had to offer. But if you want to give up but the effect of pleasure the alcohol turbo charged neural reward system delivers still holds some attraction it can't hurt to have some back up.
I'm not that far away from my last drink at all, the time I haven't drank is a drop in the ocean compared to the decades I did drink. But even now, I can step back and think "was it worth it?" and the answer is always "no"
If I had a receipt for the pleasure I got from drinking, compared to the price I paid, I'd go and get my money back
however, we can still talk ourselves into drinking, years later. I still romanticize the drink from time to time, which is a dangerous thing to do. It’s important to find a way to remember the truth about alcohol for us: whether that’s SR, friends and family who remember how bad it was and get that scared look when you bring it up, or AA.
with one drink, we can and will bring the problem back.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: England
Posts: 315
StayingSassy, I don't dispute some people need long term support. All I am saying is, I have known and do know people who just had enough of it, after decades of drinking, they haven't drank for decades, put it behind them and moved on. Not everyone is the same and you are hardly likely to hear from people like that in any recovery group of any sort.
I don't romanticize the drink at all, but who knows in the future? But I know that will be the Beast stirring and the AV talking. I know that I will never drink again
I don't romanticize the drink at all, but who knows in the future? But I know that will be the Beast stirring and the AV talking. I know that I will never drink again
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Originally Posted by freedomfries
I don't really think the AA program is for me. But I will attend meetings.
I know when I was struggling big time to get even an hour of not drinking, being in a meeting of AA meant I was pretty much assured an hour free from alcohol. I can say with complete 100% honesty that in my 28 years of experience with AA meetings, I never once drank alcohol while in a meeting. I have drank before meetings and after meetings, but never while in a meeting.
I don't think being a woman would be for me, but that doesn't mean that I can't learn from women and that they have nothing of value to offer me.
I don't think being a New Yorker would be for me, but that doesn't mean that I can't learn from New Yorkers and that they have nothing of value to offer me.
The only people that I can't learn from and that have nothing of value to offer me, are the ones that my mind have closed to.
You can do this freedomfries! Recovery is possible and available to all who seek it. Make yourself available to the process.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
freedomfries, I'm glad you're starting again. That's the start of a success story, right there.
I didn't think AA was for me either, but then I read the first 164 pages and was absolutely gob-struck. The language is antiquated, there are a number of grammatical and style errors that rub me the wrong way, but it's as true a description of the problem that ails me as any I've ever read. What I noticed on the first reading and see even more now is that there are a ton of disclaimers and allowances built into the text. Words along the lines of "this is what worked for us," and "what most of us experienced," and "you can use your own words as long as they cover the sentiment" are rife within the book.
People in AA, on the other hand - they were definitely "not for me." I could not stand the militaristic and paternalistic sponsoring style that's in vogue in my area. But then I realized the book didn't say anything at all about sponsorship. And it most certainly didn't say, "You must see this thing exactly like we do." I abhorred the word surrender (still do), but then learned that word is nowhere in the "basic" text - the first 164 pages of the big book. I couldn't stand the pompous old-timer slogans, and again didn't find any of that stuff in the basic text.
After doing a good amount of meditation, praying, thinking and really difficult soul-searching, I realized that all of the people stuff was not about me. It was about them! There was nothing inherently "wrong" about me just because I see things differently. Having that realization gradually gave me the confidence to allow myself to just be me. In meetings, I'm able to say, "I understand that's how Bill saw it, but I don't see it quite the same way. For me, xyz and abc..." As far as I know, I haven't offended anyone by just being myself. In fact, some people have thanked me for it.
Funny how realizing it mainly isn't about me the vast majority of the time reduces the annoyance I have with other people.
Do this thing.
You can, you know.
It's not easy, but it is so worth every bit of effort you put into it.
O
I didn't think AA was for me either, but then I read the first 164 pages and was absolutely gob-struck. The language is antiquated, there are a number of grammatical and style errors that rub me the wrong way, but it's as true a description of the problem that ails me as any I've ever read. What I noticed on the first reading and see even more now is that there are a ton of disclaimers and allowances built into the text. Words along the lines of "this is what worked for us," and "what most of us experienced," and "you can use your own words as long as they cover the sentiment" are rife within the book.
People in AA, on the other hand - they were definitely "not for me." I could not stand the militaristic and paternalistic sponsoring style that's in vogue in my area. But then I realized the book didn't say anything at all about sponsorship. And it most certainly didn't say, "You must see this thing exactly like we do." I abhorred the word surrender (still do), but then learned that word is nowhere in the "basic" text - the first 164 pages of the big book. I couldn't stand the pompous old-timer slogans, and again didn't find any of that stuff in the basic text.
After doing a good amount of meditation, praying, thinking and really difficult soul-searching, I realized that all of the people stuff was not about me. It was about them! There was nothing inherently "wrong" about me just because I see things differently. Having that realization gradually gave me the confidence to allow myself to just be me. In meetings, I'm able to say, "I understand that's how Bill saw it, but I don't see it quite the same way. For me, xyz and abc..." As far as I know, I haven't offended anyone by just being myself. In fact, some people have thanked me for it.
Funny how realizing it mainly isn't about me the vast majority of the time reduces the annoyance I have with other people.
Do this thing.
You can, you know.
It's not easy, but it is so worth every bit of effort you put into it.
O
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
Hey FF, I am also wondering about the antabuse. I guess it might be keeping you from binging? If so keep taking it but is it really helping? Doesn't seem to be (Again unless it keeps you from binging.) Put in the work again!
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