PNWLuv

Oy, so much negativity and preaching here. You slipped. Big deal. Get up and do it again. That's what it's all about. You fall, you pick yourself up again. Just don't give up, and I'm sure you'll get where you want to go. Being a bit of a perfectionist myself, I totally get the "crap, now I've ruined it" thinking. You didn't ruin it. Just stick to the path and when you stumble, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep hiking... Best of luck.

Philemon

I wouldn't say negativity as much as trying to point out the pitfalls of constantly telling yourself "it's JUST a slip" I told myself that for the last 10 years I had been trying to stop drinking in my 20 year drinking history. And what happened was, I started to get so demoralized with myself, I doubted I had any more "pick yourself ups" in me.
Everytime I went into the whole stopping drinking thing, with the attitude that I would probably slip up sometime given the past attempts, I had kneecapped myself from the start.
I know, after the last 10 years of trying instead of doing that if I ever drank again, I'd probably just accept my fate and give up giving up.

DriGuy

I tried for years to moderate, so I understand the feeling of failing so many times that I thought I could never do it. That is demoralizing. In some ways quitting is easier, because you don't turn resetting the clock into a habit, which is what moderation for an alcoholic is. It's chasing the fantasy that one drink won't hurt.

For me, There were two terrifying things about quitting for good. First, I knew I had a lot riding on this plan, because after failing so many times, I wasn't sure I had another try left in me. Second, the fear of not knowing was the worst kind of fear - the fear of the unknown. I was terrified. It was like betting the farm on an unknown, or worse, betting the farm on my poor track record. The good news was that quitting for good was not the same track I had been working on before, but I didn't know that yet. And as often is the case, most of those fears were exaggerated out of proportion.

Eventually, I dropped that fear, partly because carrying that much fear around is a morbid thing, and partly because I was beginning to see that I could do it. It's true that in the beginning, I used that fear to get me through a couple of rough spots, but I replaced the fear with "thinking before drinking," which was an even stronger strategy, because I was starting to live life on a logical plane, rather than an emotional one.

In reality, I think maybe I do have another few attempts left in me, but I'm so far past the desire to stick my toe in that swamp again that I don't give it any thought. Even if I thought I could get away with it, the fact is that drinking is nothing I need. My life is perfectly fine on the track that I'm on, so why veer off into bushes to see what's there? I've been there. I know what's there. It ain't pretty.

The good news is that I've known drunks far worse than me that are pushing 30+ years of sobriety, and are enjoying life too much to want a drink, so I think that as long as conscious exists, everyone can have a permanent recovery.