Really Scared
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
you get to decide what actions you will take, Sohard. you have that power. and being really scared puts you in a much better place than you'd be in if you were shrugging your shoulders and saying"ah, see, one martini; wasn't so bad and clearly i can moderate".
going forward, seems it would be a good idea to examine what changes might need making in your path, so that it doesn't lead to another drink.
glad you are here, posting.
going forward, seems it would be a good idea to examine what changes might need making in your path, so that it doesn't lead to another drink.
glad you are here, posting.
Dust yourself off and keep moving forward. Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Sohard 
I'm scared that this is the start of an avalanche. I just want to be one of the ones who DOESN'T say "one drink and I was back to the races." I NEED to believe that there are exceptions to those realities. That there are people who were fiercely addicted to alcohol, quit for 474 days, made a mistake and drank, and then got back up and it didn't destroy their lives.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Welp, that sucks my friend. Was it worth it? Sometimes having one is the worst thing we can do. We "get away" with it because nothing bad occurs. I never had just one, I never saw the point so we might not be the same kind of alcoholic, but bad things are on the horizon if you don't get back on that wagon Sohard. Wishing you the best though. 474 days is amazing, and something I've never accomplished so I think you have to be doing something right.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 568
Originally Posted by Misssy2
Over a year sober..Congratulations for extending your life....this happened to me after 8 years and it hasn't ended well...after I took the first drink I thought...wow..that wasn't bad...now I will just go back to NOT drinking like I did for 8 years....
Maybe the fact that you came on a website and confessed to your drinking (which you didn't have to do)....maybe that means that you are in fact enough upset about the drink than I was when I picked up and maybe you have a better chance of just continuing on the sober path that you were on than I did.
After my first drink after 8 years I mistakenly thought....Ok, I can drink now once in a while...and for the first 6 months I did that....I drank "normally" as far as distance between drinking ...like every 3 weeks...but when I drank I never drank "normally"...always over did the drinking....and eventually ended up again drinking in mornings to alleviate hangovers...and then the 6-7 and 20 day binges started to occur..
I hope for your health, safety and well being of your family and affairs...what happened to me does not happen to you....and again the fact you posted about it to me is a positive sign.....But, alcohol addiction does not care if we are posting or not....it all comes down to how YOU feel and how your brain processes this slip....
Many people can say things...plant seeds...be there for you...but it comes down to "us" when we are alone. I chose to keep testing the waters, because I struggled with coping with life....and what it has done to me is shortened my life....made me feel bad about myself...hurt my family and friends...and its not that I didn't "care" it is that once I put alcohol back into my body after a long period of time....for some reason.....(probably brain chemistry)...I did not find it easy to stop again....
Currently, I am on 38 days....
In 2018 I had 8 months.....but after putting the alcohol back in my system after not having it for 8 years really surprised me that it is NOT JUST THAT EASY to go back to "sobriety" as I knew it.
I wish BETTER for you.
Maybe the fact that you came on a website and confessed to your drinking (which you didn't have to do)....maybe that means that you are in fact enough upset about the drink than I was when I picked up and maybe you have a better chance of just continuing on the sober path that you were on than I did.
After my first drink after 8 years I mistakenly thought....Ok, I can drink now once in a while...and for the first 6 months I did that....I drank "normally" as far as distance between drinking ...like every 3 weeks...but when I drank I never drank "normally"...always over did the drinking....and eventually ended up again drinking in mornings to alleviate hangovers...and then the 6-7 and 20 day binges started to occur..
I hope for your health, safety and well being of your family and affairs...what happened to me does not happen to you....and again the fact you posted about it to me is a positive sign.....But, alcohol addiction does not care if we are posting or not....it all comes down to how YOU feel and how your brain processes this slip....
Many people can say things...plant seeds...be there for you...but it comes down to "us" when we are alone. I chose to keep testing the waters, because I struggled with coping with life....and what it has done to me is shortened my life....made me feel bad about myself...hurt my family and friends...and its not that I didn't "care" it is that once I put alcohol back into my body after a long period of time....for some reason.....(probably brain chemistry)...I did not find it easy to stop again....
Currently, I am on 38 days....
In 2018 I had 8 months.....but after putting the alcohol back in my system after not having it for 8 years really surprised me that it is NOT JUST THAT EASY to go back to "sobriety" as I knew it.
I wish BETTER for you.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
SoHard, don't let your anxiety and emotions go into a downward spiral. You have picked yourself up and intend to get back to sobriety and move on. Go out for a walk, relax your mind for awhile if you can. Don't let the fear control you. You know how to stay sober and you can do it again. 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hey sohard
something has been eating at you for a while to get you to drink again. Now you have, you can see that no problems are solved, no anxieties allayed and no fears dispelled. You feel more ‘off’ than less off now I wager....
A lot of the heat of those mental arguments you’ve been having must be gone now?
You certainly sound committed to sobriety.
so...no prize behind door number one, just more of the same...time to try the other doors. Hit this thing with real concerted effort and action, and you’ll be okay
D
something has been eating at you for a while to get you to drink again. Now you have, you can see that no problems are solved, no anxieties allayed and no fears dispelled. You feel more ‘off’ than less off now I wager....
A lot of the heat of those mental arguments you’ve been having must be gone now?
You certainly sound committed to sobriety.
I know it's a drug in a beverage. That's all. I WILL NOT allow myself to get sucked back in. It was a slip, not a lifestyle. I HAVE to believe my neural pathways are strong enough to keep going in my new life. I am BETTER, and STRONGER, and WISER than I was 476 days ago. I WILL NOT allow this to ruin me. I GOT THIS!
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
Really sorry...
476 days is a lot of sobriety.
Something in 'Martini' sounds almost premeditated; you have reported you were struggling a few days back. Is there something in hindsight you think you should have done differently when the intrusive thoughts of drinking were becoming louder?
476 days is a lot of sobriety.
Something in 'Martini' sounds almost premeditated; you have reported you were struggling a few days back. Is there something in hindsight you think you should have done differently when the intrusive thoughts of drinking were becoming louder?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
Hey sohard, how are you doing? You got this! This does not have to cause an avalanche. You need to make sobriety #1 right now. Like cancel some plans, see a doctor, do something to keep on track.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
I'm always impressed when people screw up and then have the courage to admit they made a mistake. I think it says a lot about what you really want SoHard and what you are willing to do to get there. I can't imagine what would cause me to drink again but if it were to ever happen I hope I can display the honesty you have. You don't ever have to drink again. This is your choice, you really do have one, you really can have this.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
A relapse happened to me, with drugs, not alcohol, in 2014. After over six years clean, I got high over the course of a four-day weekend when my wife had gone out of town. No, a relapse doesn't have to be a decent into hell. But my relapse showed me that addiction was still a factor. I returned to recovery right away with renew vigilance. And it hasn't happened since.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Hey lady,
Thinking of you.
My firm belief is that you still have 476 days and you always will. It is our minds that turn a one-time decision to have a drink into the end of all we have worked for -- do not let that happen. You can still have all you had unless you let your mind convince you otherwise. It is this black and white thinking that turns a trip into a landslide.
The real issue is why, but most important is to keep it as a trip. You can, I know you can. We can. Together we go.
XX
Thinking of you.
My firm belief is that you still have 476 days and you always will. It is our minds that turn a one-time decision to have a drink into the end of all we have worked for -- do not let that happen. You can still have all you had unless you let your mind convince you otherwise. It is this black and white thinking that turns a trip into a landslide.
The real issue is why, but most important is to keep it as a trip. You can, I know you can. We can. Together we go.
XX
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
SoDear,
Where are you?
You know, I don't mean to be mean, but all of that "scared" stuff sounds to me like a clever ruse by your AV. "Oh, help me, I'm so weak and trembling in the face of the demon liquor." BS to that. If you're off drinking because you felt like there was no other alternative, I get that. You know I get that in spades. But you know and I know that the booze isn't the problem - we are. If on the other hand, you're just hiding out of shame for having drank and you're done with it, well... crap happens. I sure won't hold it against you and you certainly should know that no one else her would do that either.
Please come back and talk about it, whatever "it" is.
Love you,
O
Where are you?
You know, I don't mean to be mean, but all of that "scared" stuff sounds to me like a clever ruse by your AV. "Oh, help me, I'm so weak and trembling in the face of the demon liquor." BS to that. If you're off drinking because you felt like there was no other alternative, I get that. You know I get that in spades. But you know and I know that the booze isn't the problem - we are. If on the other hand, you're just hiding out of shame for having drank and you're done with it, well... crap happens. I sure won't hold it against you and you certainly should know that no one else her would do that either.
Please come back and talk about it, whatever "it" is.
Love you,
O
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
From my own personal experience, I know how hard it is to come back and share that you relapsed after 400 plus days, but please don’t stay away. Drinking or not, please check in.
Nobody is judging you SH. We know how difficult staying quit is, and we care.
Please let us support and encourage you, as you have supported and encouraged so many others
Nobody is judging you SH. We know how difficult staying quit is, and we care.
Please let us support and encourage you, as you have supported and encouraged so many others
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
It was a bad mistake. It matters to drop it now instead of waiting until months from now. The main thing is to not let it get more entrenched, and especially for long term: to think of it as a slippery slope you stumbled on, not as something you got away with.
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