Quitordie

Trying to stop drinking, but relapsed again. When I try to get help it's a ****ing joke. Everyone assumes there's some psychological problem. I used to smoke weed , traded to booze and have a great time when I'm drunk. Now it's outta hand and crushing 15 to 20 beer a day on good days. Got off the hard stuff, but spending a good $600 a month on beer.

My question is, are there any intelligent ex alcoholics out there? AA is a joke, and I'm not religious. Seems like there's nothing out there to help for an alcoholic such as myself. It's getting to the point where me and friends and family are concerned for my life. If there's any one out there to help through this rough time and aren't religious nuts, please get back.

Dee74

Hi quitordie - welcome

you posted in our Forum troubleshooting forum so I moved your post here. You'll get more responses this way

just curious what you think the problem is if it's not psychological?
Knowing what you believe might help us direct you to the right kind of help?

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around.
You'll find a lot of them in play here.

Generally we try and respect other peoples beliefs here.
It's a treat them as you'd like to be treated kinda deal.

here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step secular kind of approach
D

AAPJ

Well you asked... I hope you find my response helpful.

Be123

I consider myself extremely intelligent, in fact I put myself in the top ONE of intelligent people I know . I don't describe myself as an alcoholic (and definitely not an ex-alcoholic!) but I am addicted to alcohol and so I have chosen to not drink at all. I have not had any alcohol for over five months and I am really glad about that, like you the drinking was putting everything I cared about on the line.

I am not religious - there are plenty of people on here who are - and I guess you have heard a lot about "higher power" around AA. Having given up booze I have so much respect for people who have gone one, two, ten, 30 years sober (like a lot of people in AA have) so I don't question their methods, I try to learn from them because it is really incredible. I don't go to AA but there is so much to respect about it, its changed thousands and thousands of lives, and those people help me and others on here all the time.

I think a lot of addicts are very intelligent. Being addicted isnt about being stupid, its about a chemical reaction that alters the brain and, over time, leads to a thoroughly predictable physical reliance on the drug/activity. I find that my mind races and I complete tasks in about half the time it takes other people - I used to dull that with booze and now I eat porridge and run a lot

The main thing I have learned is I could not think my way out of addiction - I had to DO stuff differently, often what I was advised by others who helped me, and over time the DOING helps change the THINKING. But thats only my experience (but please bear in mind I am in the top ONE of the most intelligent people I know!)

brighterday1234

I couldn’t stop drinking alcohol until I got totally honest with the fact that I wasn’t having a great time when drinking. It was fairly obvious to me by the end of my drinking. Then it was acceptance that I’m an alcoholic and no more or less special than any other alcoholic. Then I had to be honest, open-minded and willing to do whatever it took in order to recover from alcoholism. There is a solution if one truly wants it.

Misssy2

I believe it is a "coping problem"...I posted on another thread...something doesn't go my way...or I'm stressed...overtired...mad at someone...I don't have a bunch of ideas on how to cope with those feelings and it is so easy to run to the store and get some booze....I always would rationalize...just today I am going to have a few and get over this problem and then not drink for a while like a "normal" person.

I am not a "normal" person...I use alcohol to cope and normal people don't do that. I am a very intelligent person...and very intelligent people should not be putting poison in their bodies at the levels that we do...its not SMART...

I want to be healthy in my final years...I'm older and when I drink I feel 10 years older than what I already am. I'm sick of puking, being in the hospital...which if you haven't been hospitalized for alcohol poisoning or dehydration yet...you will be some day because this condition is progressive leading to death...And even if you can't see the death approaching (as I have)....with the hopsitals and the puking and the pancreatitis and the liver problems....It is slowly brewing inside of you.....

And for me it wasn't as simple as just deciding I wanted to stop and that always confused me because I am very smart and I would decide to stop only to find myself drinking again in very short periods of time.....

For me it just recently got to a point where I had to say ENOUGH...this isn't working and I am not living...so many days went by sun up to sun down I would sit in one place and just drink....missing so much in life...I was not living.

I truly got sick of being sick all the time...and knew I was slowly dying....For some reason my thought process changed...many people don't like AA....I'm 50/50 with AA....I like some of the literature and short sayings that help to keep me sober (from my past AA experiences)...Like.."Keep it simple"...."First things First" ...this one is a favorite of mine going thru a day when I get overwhelmed or stressed...I stop in my tracks and repeat OK..First things first....AND I totally believe I had a "psychic change" this time I stopped...my brain just changed its way of thinking from...I will quit next week...to I will quit when I quit and when I do quit this time I am not picking up a drink no matter what...I have managed this for 18 days now...In the past when I was in this "mindset" I managed 8 years sober.

Also paying attention to the four categories that can help any alcoholic that is "ready" to stay sober....stay sober

H.A.L.T (acroynm) for:

H- Hungry - eat...many alcoholics have strong cravings when hungry and don't realize they are hungry.

A- Angry....Its a given an angry alcoholic is more likely to go for a drink...If you get angry find a way to get UNANGRY other than drinking..cause really an angry alcoholic that drinks only gets more angry...

L-Lonely....sometimes we don't realize the reason we want to drink is because we are lonely COVID is not helping in this area....get unlonely...many ways to do this.

T-Tired...this one has been hard...take a nap (but if it is late in the day who will take a nap and risk the evening sleep)...So I try to get rest same time every night....get up same time everyday....This is hard first few days of sobriety when you feel restless and discontented from the alcohol abuse....

Alcoholism for me is a learned coping mechanism that has to be unlearned.

LumenandNyx

Have you thought about helping yourself?

Stop drinking. That's the answer.

You're referring to yourself as an "alcoholic such as yourself". Based on what you wrote - you and I aren't so different. You get drunk just like I used to.

If I can quit - you can quit.

Anna

I recognize that this is your first post and you're frustrated, but your attitude is not pleasant. I'm not an AA person, but I can promise you there are many very intelligent people in AA, and referring to people who use AA as religious nuts is inappropriate. Please know that we don't allow bashing of ANY program on these boards. Take a look around here and you will find lots of ideas and suggestions for succeeding in abstinence.

DriGuy

I sense frustration. Getting to the point where I quit drinking was horribly frustrating for me. I hope that's what you mean by ****ing joke, because I would not want to believe you think this forum is a joke. If you do, I won't be offended, but you owe it to yourself to give us a fair shot. We may or may not be able to help.

It's possible that this has been your experience so far. But alcoholism is complex. It can be psychological or physical or a combination. In my case, I was addicted, but not necessarily physically. I think of it more like a bad habit. But it's different for everyone.

Most definitely. Alcoholism is not restricted to ignorant lowlifes. It strikes across all walks of society. Being smart doesn't guarantee immunity from this disability.

Glad to meet you. I'm not religious either. I refuse to even call myself a spiritual person, because that is such a vague term that it can be misconstrued as "whatever." I don't believe in a higher power, and I didn't need one to quit. Next January 3rd, I will not have had a drink for 25 years. You can do it too.

In truth, there are other sources of help out there besides AA, but AA is still the big one. It is assigned by courts and advocated by many counselors and lay people. 25 years ago in my small town, I had no other options. You at least have some. I never bought into the AA doctrine, but I did find the community helpful while I politely disregarded the spiritual aspects of the program. What it did offer was useful knowledge, long term sober role models, and actually some down to earth nuts and bolts advice on helping with certain issues.

I'm not pushing AA by any means. For me it was a last ditch effort done in desperation, and I had to modify a lot of it to make it fit my reality. All that I can tell you is that there are other ways forward. This forum is one, and many here have used only this forum to their success

AA people will show up in discussion. This is a secular forum. By definition it's all inclusive, and other perceptions and ideologies are welcome, but debates are not not allowed, and that rule is pretty well moderated. I'm only guessing but I would estimate that a third of the people here have no higher power, or at least don't see a higher power as the answer to their problem. Alcohol was my problem. I needed to fix it. I needed help from others, but in the end I fixed it.

Sober45

I've managed to stay sober for 7 months and I'm not a religious person. I used to despise AA because it told me I had to give up my power to a higher power. I just couldn't handle that thought.

Today though, I have tremendous respect for AA. The problem was me. I was focusing on one point and not seeing the whole picture. Every method is valid. We must keep an open mind...that is key.

It is up to you to find what will work for you. Take action now. I'm inviting you to read back through all of my posts...you'll see the methods I'm using. None of us are exactly the same. Read the ingredients and come up with your own recipe.

One thing I will say is that sobriety brings clarity. The way I think now, compared to when I was drinking, is completely different. If you're struggling with negative emotions, the cure (booze), is often the cause.

You can do this!

nez

I think this speaks volumes. Me adding anything would only serve to dilute the strength of the clues in the two quoted sentences.

Recovery and help are available to anyone. You are not terminally unique and recovery is not dependent upon intelligence nor views on religion.

jhonnyspa

Hi,
You state that "Alcoholism for me is a learned coping mechanism that has to be unlearned". but that you do not need psychological help, if it is as you describe a "coping mechanism" what are you using alcohol to cope with maybe stress ,anxiety or a psychological issue? I think you should be more open minded as people of all faiths and wisdom we can learn from.I learn from my friends that have been sent to jail some are smart and some are fools but they all have a opinion on life lessons and this my friend is a insight into addiction and were alcohol can lead.

MaximusD

Quitordie, expand on that and we can be more specific. I think many alcoholics are intelligent as I do believe that is part of the reason we drink, to shut our damn minds down. I agree that IMO AA is not for me by any means. I have done therapy and gotten some help out of it but overall it comes down to I just like drinking too much. I don't really think I am running from much except maybe some anxiety. Expand on what you are saying.

BeABetterMan

Help is a, "F***ing joke". AA is also, "a joke", religious people are "nuts" and you have no psychological problems (by the way, you would be the only person I ever met with no psychological problems). Oh, and you're having trouble finding intelligent recovered alcoholics. The irony of course is that those people in AA are recovered...so how again are you measuring intelligence? Sounds to me like they are pretty smart as they aren't drunk, they're leading happy lives and they are helping others. Maybe you're trying to find a way to quit that aligns with your ideas of how to quit. How has that worked out so far? When I tried to use my own way to quit the results were pretty awful. One of the first things I noticed I had to work on is not taking other peoples' inventory, or in layman's terms, being judgmental. That might be something for you to consider. If we ask for help, we have to be willing to accept it. It is common for very intelligent or analytical people to struggle with the concept of a God or a higher power, therefore they struggle with AA. If that sounds like you, maybe read chapter 4 in the AA Big Book titled, We Agnostics. If you don't like to read, you can listen to it on YouTube.

Religious people and AA may say or do things that put you off. Maybe you could try to take from them what you find useful and leave the rest. If you find NOTHING useful from alcoholics that have recovered using AA or religion, then the problem is probably not them.

Congrats on selecting your user name though, you got that part 100% correct.

Surrendered19

Hi Quitordie. Yes, there are addicts and alcoholics (did you mean to reference "ex alcoholics" because I am not sure who you are referring to), many of us, who are highly intelligent, some of us not so much, some of us try best we can, some really positive people among us, and some really negative edgy whiny ungrateful people. We pretty much mirror the general human population that way. I'm not sure what you are after but you'll find no lack of varied opinions here. I'm not an AA person but I know many people who owe their lives to AA. I am part of a secular recovery group and we focus on emotional and physical health as a full package - one not more important than the other. But finding what works best for you is key. I hope you search for your recovery path with an open mind.

MaximusD

Check out rational recovery or AVRT (Addictive voice recognition technique)

owen90

Welcome. I'm an atheist, primarily using AVRT and SMART recovery methodologies. That being said, I am very open minded to other people's beliefs and I grab advice by the handful from people who are living successful sober lives regardless of their religious persuasions. People will be able to help you from all walks of life. You don't need to believe in anything except yourself.

Good luck

CRRHCC

Get the free book entitled:The Freedom Model for Addiction: Escape the Treatment and Recover Trap:

The Freedom Model is built on three pillars that all people possess -

• Free Will
• Personal Autonomy (self government) Agency
• Positive Drive Principle (PDP) is simply reward based learning. We are all driven to seek happiness (reward). All human behavior is driven by the pursuit of happiness (reward) and that, when you choose to do something, you do so because you see it as your best available option for happiness at that moment.

Dee74

I sense a little snark in some of the replies.

Lets be welcoming and understanding to newcomers.
I know I was rolling around in physical and mental pain the first day I got here.

Like I said above - how we'd like to be treated is a good starting point for any response - for all of us.

Dee
Administrator
SR

DriGuy

I assume you're just getting started. From my experience, it seems that when you first stick your toe in the water, you are inevitably directed to AA. It's big, everyone knows something about it, and Hollywood movies that deal with recovery, always incorporate the well known AA stereotype into the storyline, but show nothing about the other programs that offer alternatives to AA. So you may need to look around some more, because your first impression is apt to believe it's all AA stuff or similar. But that is a skewed view built on societies limited perception of recovery.

SR is not a formal program with steps or a single ideology. It's a resource group of recovering alcoholics that have approached the problem in many different ways and can offer a lot of ideas for you to sort through. It has a wide scope, so some things should make sense to you.