Day 194 thoughts
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 280
Day 194 thoughts
Passed the 6 month sober milestone on July 1st. Things have been sailing smoothly for the most part.
I am having a hard time though putting the past to bed. I have strained and ruined some important relationships while drinking. I tried texting a very old friend through WhatsApp yesterday. I can’t describe the pain seeing the ‘2 blue ticks’ indicating the recipient has received the text but no reply back.
How do I reconcile all my bad behaviour, hurtful things I’ve said? I almost felt like following up with a text that read ‘hey I’m not drunk by the way! I don’t drink anymore!’ But I let it go.
During the last 6 months sober it’s been dawning on me all the many times I have said awkward things, laughed inappropriately at parties, the awful behaviour.. it’s hard to swallow and accept I was this person. I have lost close relationships and it’s hard to accept.
On a positive note, a few days ago on a hot afternoon, I decided to have a chilled ginger ale but could only find my old beer mug to pour it in. My son saw me and gasped ‘you’re drinking again?’ I quickly reassured I’m and showed him it was just a soft drink. The relief in his face was such a powerful reminder of how important my sobriety is.
I am having a hard time though putting the past to bed. I have strained and ruined some important relationships while drinking. I tried texting a very old friend through WhatsApp yesterday. I can’t describe the pain seeing the ‘2 blue ticks’ indicating the recipient has received the text but no reply back.
How do I reconcile all my bad behaviour, hurtful things I’ve said? I almost felt like following up with a text that read ‘hey I’m not drunk by the way! I don’t drink anymore!’ But I let it go.
During the last 6 months sober it’s been dawning on me all the many times I have said awkward things, laughed inappropriately at parties, the awful behaviour.. it’s hard to swallow and accept I was this person. I have lost close relationships and it’s hard to accept.
On a positive note, a few days ago on a hot afternoon, I decided to have a chilled ginger ale but could only find my old beer mug to pour it in. My son saw me and gasped ‘you’re drinking again?’ I quickly reassured I’m and showed him it was just a soft drink. The relief in his face was such a powerful reminder of how important my sobriety is.
Last edited by Silver11; 07-11-2020 at 05:24 PM. Reason: Spelling errors
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hey Clark
It took a lot longer than I wanted for people to forgive me or trust me again. The amount of time I was sober felt like an eternity to me but for others it was mere days weeks or months when my drunken behaviour caused pain for others for years.
I was lucky in the most people in my life came back. They saw my change was genuine, in time - but some did not.
Its in my best interests, and theirs, to let those people go.
D
It took a lot longer than I wanted for people to forgive me or trust me again. The amount of time I was sober felt like an eternity to me but for others it was mere days weeks or months when my drunken behaviour caused pain for others for years.
I was lucky in the most people in my life came back. They saw my change was genuine, in time - but some did not.
Its in my best interests, and theirs, to let those people go.
D
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Hi ClarkKent11. Those stupid things we did and said, and the relationships we ruined, I hope you know you are in really good company on this site. Reconciliation is tough. Some don't want to hear from us again. But I have learned that if you apologize and mean it, people will realize that. We also heal ourselves and heal those we hurt not with words but with actions. Through what you do, and the times they see that you now know when to shut up and listen, trust will return.
Some of that stuff that we did, that we so fervently wish never happened, but will nevertheless always be part of your past, will be like a tat on your upper arm that doesn't say "Mother" but says "I was an *******". You can sort of cover it up but, with actions folks will know that is just something from your past.
That story of your son and the ginger ale is so awesome by the way!! That is what it is all about.
Some of that stuff that we did, that we so fervently wish never happened, but will nevertheless always be part of your past, will be like a tat on your upper arm that doesn't say "Mother" but says "I was an *******". You can sort of cover it up but, with actions folks will know that is just something from your past.
That story of your son and the ginger ale is so awesome by the way!! That is what it is all about.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: US
Posts: 264
I have been sober now for 7 months and thought wow that seems like a long time. Not really I haven't seen to many people in the last 7 months so how would they know I am not drinking anymore. For that I will never pick up again so when the time comes that I do run into someone, I know that they will not see me drunk.
For that I will be thankful.
For that I will be thankful.
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