Al34

Had to share this.

I’ve just told one of my very good friends (and ex colleague) about my liver situation. She honestly doesn’t believe me that i have a problem.

My mum, who thought i was so bad last year wanted to pay for me to go to rehab (which i didnt, i quit on my own for 3 months). Doesn’t seem to get i’m going through anything. She doesn’t seem to get that i’m going through something. It’s weird.

Myy best friend wants me to be able to drink again with her and go out.....

it’s only really my current circle of friends that seem to recognise my problem and understand (as best as they can...)

taplow

A134, putting aside the reactions of your mum and your friend for a bit; what's the thing here? You say your current circle friends recognise your problem and understand it. What is the problem?

ReadyAtLast

what other other people think of your problem is their issue, not yours. Ime, friends don't like us to stop as it changes the dynamic and also holds up a mirror to their own drinking. Parents don't like to admit it either, who wants an alcoholic child? they will see it as their failure maybe. All that matters is what you think and know and what you do. Sounds like you should stick with your new friends who do understand.

when I quit years ago it was such a big thing for me and I wanted to tell people. Now I tell no one-people really aren't that interested. It's still a big thing for me of course but it is what it is and has little impact on others lives. Don't be disappointed with people when you dont' get the reaction you want

Anna

As long as you focus on your recovery and stay on your recovery path, you'll be fine. It doesn't matter what others think.

Robbie64

You have to do what is best for yourself. As for your friend, well I would be questioning whether I would want her in my life at the moment if she is blind (or worse) to your situation.

I stopped meeting up with my dad when he called me all the names under the sun because I told him I wanted to stop drinking. He believes that a man is not a man unless they drink. So we had words and never spoke for years. fortunately age (and fragility) has changed him and we now speak again but I hate it when people react as if its completely wrong to want to stop drinking for the sake of my physical and mental health.

tornrealization

So there’s this book I’ve seen recommended many times on threads here so I bought it. Drank for another year whilst it gathered dust then read it during my last sobriety effort which is now. I’m close to 1.5 years sober. It’s The Naked Mind by Annie Grace. She goes over how other people react, how she wanted to tell everyone it’s poison! Anyways some great insights on how to handle the internal reflections and what not. Some of those words From the book play in my mind when I encounter those situations.

It IS a big change for us going through it and thats why external support like AA for some, these boards for some, rehabs, group therapy....all the best places to talk about it. People understand!

I merely stay sober, I don’t hound the issue or push it. It my journey. If they are understanding great. If they aren’t, oh well...no impact to me. If they try to push a drink, time to re-evaluate the relationship. I have more compassion for those still stuck in the cycle. Like the others said, it’s a personal journey so do whats right for you.

im rambling, sorry. Just keep up the good work!

brighterday1234

It’s your funeral nobody else’s.

Dee74

I'm pretty sure my folks still don't think I'm an alcoholic because we don't have alcoholics in our family...and I'm sure many of my old drinking buds wondered what the hell was wrong with me...but the thing is I knew I had a problem...and I fixed it.

Thats all I need to know

D

MissPerfumado

It's a tough one. A few people very close to me believed I was over-reacting and wasn't really an alcoholic, including a couple of family members. With time, as I reveal more about how bad it was (health damage, volume consumed daily), there's more realisation and, sometimes, I sense shock.

In one of my circles, I have a reputation as someone extremely laser-focussed because I decided to give up drinking and never started again. It misses the point of why I gave up. It's not like I decided to qualify for the Olympics and worked like a demon and did it. I plainly would have died if I hadn't quit.

My partner who has only ever known me sober and is very kind about it can't square the things I tell him about my drinking and the me he knows now.

I felt, and still feel, that partly because I didn't 'lose everything' or hit an obvious rock bottom, no-one will truly appreciate the danger I was in.

But it's okay. It's really okay. It's a deeply, deeply personal journey. It's a thing between me and the divine force that saved me, whatever it was or is. It's an ocean I swam on my own, a mountain I climbed without a companion. The experiences weren't meant to be shared with someone else but carved onto my soul and carried with me. My sobriety and recovery journey are sacred to me. Sacred, precious and personal.

Yours is too.

Hodd

Hey AI, how’s it going now? It must’ve been stressful leading up to those liver test results. You got the best result possible in the circumstances, but your doctor should tell you fatty liver is serious. It’s not a reprieve; it’s a postponement of more serious problems which will come with increased drinking. There are a tiny minority of people who don’t get a fatty liver despite drinking excessively. You’re not one of them. You’re on stage 1 of liver disease. I’m not a doom and gloom poster, so the good news is that fatty liver is totally reversible. I reversed mine within a few months. It’s like a miracle going on inside. All I had to do was quit.

Hope you’re OK and ready to draw a line under recent events and realise what a lucky break you’ve been given.

Surrendered19

Yeah, I have been pretty judicious with who I've shared with and how much I've shared. It is sort of like telling someone you have cancer. The first reaction is denial in some cases and then it is just a damn unpleasant thing to think about and too heavy for many people to process. We all need to be mindful too that discrimination against people in recovery is a very real thing and alive and well.

You walk your road as quietly and honestly as you can AI. Let your actions do most of the talking. A few of my former drinking buddies have come back around and they see that we aren't going to drink together anymore, but can still hang out and love each other's company and do fun things together. More than one of them have broached the subject of their own drinking with me too.

tomls

There is no way that anyone that isn't an alcoholic or hasn't been taught about addiction could understand what this is all about. This is a great post and has brought out some of the most beautiful comments and things about the awesome people associated with SR and I am honored to be a part of all this!

Buttery

I outed my self to everyone about a year ago, at first it was weird but as time has gone by its not. Some people were clearly judgemental even if they didn’t say it to my face. It was hard but I don’t regret it. It’s the worst part of my life and I wasn’t managing. I’m now proud of my sobriety and always open discussing it with anyone who is interested. I had one guy at work who just didn’t get it and kept on asking me out for drinks. My reply every time was you know I have a problem so I’m unsure why you keep asking. People who havn’t struggled will not understand. I always think of it in a way of if someone told me they had cancer I have been luckily enough not to have it at this point in my life and have no experience but as much as I would want to say the right thing it is easy to say the wrong thing and upset someone without realising. Addiction is still a taboo topic and in a firm believer that it should not be. It takes time for people to accept something like this when all they will ever picture is a standard homeless run down person. Just do what ever you have to do for you and you alone. Take care of your liver, fatty liver is reversible. Once you get over the first few months of sobriety it gets a lot easier. I never believed anyone that said that before as my cycle was sober for a couple of weeks, maybe even a month and then day to night Blackout binging for a week or at my worst 2 weeks straight, only leaving the house to buy alcohol and putting my self in so much danger doing so as I couldn’t usually remember where I had bought it from. I’m very lucky as those sort of cycles are more dangerous than daily drinking. I don’t miss it or even want to go back there. I never believed I would be someone who could sit an say that it is possible but here I am. If I can do it so can you.

MaximusD

Hey Al, check in with us please. Hope you are well and ready to quit again.