Day 40
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 73
Day 40
Hi All,
Been feeling so so as of late. Made it on a week fishing trip no problem. Had a few urges but they went away fairly quick. Weird how ingrained was on these trips - I wondered if I was going to fish or drink.
Last few days havent been so great mentally. The neighbors had a social distancing get to together in the cul desac. I kept going back and forth go don't go. I ended up not going and sat in house playing guitar. My girl went and said everyone was drinking water -HA. I hate being anti-social. I feel like a damn leper and know it's all in my head. So sick of the mental masturbation of a liquid that was killing me.
I am settling an estate for my uncle who was like a second father to me and who I took care of in hospice at home for Jan Feb March. I found out today one of his sisters, my aunt, transfered 20K to her account when he left everything to me. Yeah I could get the estate lawyer involved but she is 92. Somehow I became the devil in the family for him leaving all the homes and assests to me. Heck, they never even said thank you for taking care of him as I flew in from 2k miles away and they live a couple hours away.
No desire to drink and these are some of the triggers that would send me into the house curtains drawn and a ton of beer and whiskey. I should be greatful.
Thanks for letting me vent
Been feeling so so as of late. Made it on a week fishing trip no problem. Had a few urges but they went away fairly quick. Weird how ingrained was on these trips - I wondered if I was going to fish or drink.
Last few days havent been so great mentally. The neighbors had a social distancing get to together in the cul desac. I kept going back and forth go don't go. I ended up not going and sat in house playing guitar. My girl went and said everyone was drinking water -HA. I hate being anti-social. I feel like a damn leper and know it's all in my head. So sick of the mental masturbation of a liquid that was killing me.
I am settling an estate for my uncle who was like a second father to me and who I took care of in hospice at home for Jan Feb March. I found out today one of his sisters, my aunt, transfered 20K to her account when he left everything to me. Yeah I could get the estate lawyer involved but she is 92. Somehow I became the devil in the family for him leaving all the homes and assests to me. Heck, they never even said thank you for taking care of him as I flew in from 2k miles away and they live a couple hours away.
No desire to drink and these are some of the triggers that would send me into the house curtains drawn and a ton of beer and whiskey. I should be greatful.
Thanks for letting me vent
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I quit at 50 because I could feel my life force running down.
I was ready to have a stroke or whatever.
I wanted to have my cake and eat it too, but realized after giving it a good try that nobody gets to do that.
Everyone that drinks too hard too long ends up dead or a pathetic shell of a human.
So now, quit this long, and it is like I have been reborn and reinvented.
It was hell on earth and I am damaged goods for the rest of my life.
The treck out left me permanently altered. It is not physically noticeable, but mentally I am reearning to how live.
But, it is amazing. I slept about 4 hours last night, went to work at 2 am. I powered through like a pro. It is so great to be this strong.
The only way out was time and suffering.
Never going back to being an active addict. It was a learned behavior that has been unlearned.
Thanks.
I was ready to have a stroke or whatever.
I wanted to have my cake and eat it too, but realized after giving it a good try that nobody gets to do that.
Everyone that drinks too hard too long ends up dead or a pathetic shell of a human.
So now, quit this long, and it is like I have been reborn and reinvented.
It was hell on earth and I am damaged goods for the rest of my life.
The treck out left me permanently altered. It is not physically noticeable, but mentally I am reearning to how live.
But, it is amazing. I slept about 4 hours last night, went to work at 2 am. I powered through like a pro. It is so great to be this strong.
The only way out was time and suffering.
Never going back to being an active addict. It was a learned behavior that has been unlearned.
Thanks.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Sorry about the typos the upgraded site doesn't let me fix them after the initial post. It used to take me 30 Minutes of proof reading to get most of the mistakes.
Not any more. Yay?
Patience.
Not any more. Yay?
Patience.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,097
Congrats Crown!
Forty days is excellent. Inspirational that you managed a fishing trip without drinking, and then dealing with the 'joys' of family troubles - fantastic!
You've got a really strong base to keep moving towards a happy and healthy life.
Forty days is excellent. Inspirational that you managed a fishing trip without drinking, and then dealing with the 'joys' of family troubles - fantastic!
You've got a really strong base to keep moving towards a happy and healthy life.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
“The only way out was time and suffering” -D122y. Wow. Not sure any truer words were ever spoken. The sugar removed.
Crown, I’ve been where you are. 40 days and thereabouts are purgatory. It has always been a very dangerous time for me and has gobbled me up many times.
Do not let that AV set you up. You better think of something to get into. Exercise, that guitar, gratitude. Call someone (preferably someone recovered) and talk. Talk about anything. Protect yourself. We are at great risk.
Crown, I’ve been where you are. 40 days and thereabouts are purgatory. It has always been a very dangerous time for me and has gobbled me up many times.
Do not let that AV set you up. You better think of something to get into. Exercise, that guitar, gratitude. Call someone (preferably someone recovered) and talk. Talk about anything. Protect yourself. We are at great risk.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by BeABetterMan 
“The only way out was time and suffering” -D122y. Wow. Not sure any truer words were ever spoken. The sugar removed.
Crown, I’ve been where you are. 40 days and thereabouts are purgatory. It has always been a very dangerous time for me and has gobbled me up many times.
Do not let that AV set you up. You better think of something to get into. Exercise, that guitar, gratitude. Call someone (preferably someone recovered) and talk. Talk about anything. Protect yourself. We are at great risk.
Crown, I’ve been where you are. 40 days and thereabouts are purgatory. It has always been a very dangerous time for me and has gobbled me up many times.
Do not let that AV set you up. You better think of something to get into. Exercise, that guitar, gratitude. Call someone (preferably someone recovered) and talk. Talk about anything. Protect yourself. We are at great risk.
My uncle was like second father to me so processing his death. The family treated me like **** when I was taking care of him and now sorting out his affairs, which he left it all to me. I thought I was part of the family..ha..guess not and thats cool. Weird feeling when you have no immeadiate family left. This could easily be a trigger for a good binge BUT it's not worth destroying myself over and nothing will change EXCEPT I will be even more depressed, have crazy anxiety, fight with my GF for no reason, and probably make a bunch of calls and say some real vile things to a bunch of old lady's and won't remember any of it, and maybe not sober up. I am 41 days out of hell and one day at time plan to keep it that way.
I agree with the gratitude. It might a little uncomfortable now with feelings I'm used to numbing with booze but I am greatful I am not drunk and have been given a second chance at life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 1,182
Awesome job on 40 days! Families are awesome, but every single one comes with their own drama. Just like every beautiful horse leaves poop to clean. Just accept that family stress is part of the deal and don't let it be an excuse to drink.
I hear you on the cul de sac party though. Social gathering are still very hard for me. I have found that more people respect healthy choices than they used to. Just say you're trying a new diet and cutting out some things. Over time you may get comfortable saying that alcohol is just not something you want in your life.
I hear you on the cul de sac party though. Social gathering are still very hard for me. I have found that more people respect healthy choices than they used to. Just say you're trying a new diet and cutting out some things. Over time you may get comfortable saying that alcohol is just not something you want in your life.
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