Misssy2

Someone wrote to me on my other thread and said lets change the word "hope"...I hope I stay sober to a more certain word (something like that). My thing is...this person "picked" up on the hesitation …..I DO HAVE...As much hell as this is drinking and recovering...I still have this...."uncertainty" that this is the end.....of my drinking. I WISH I had the certainty....I know what it feels like to have it....I had it in 2005 and stayed sober for 8 years......But I am an honest person to a fault...and I can only say I "hope" that I find a way to make this quitting thing a certainty for me...

Day 5 still is rough for me...I want to change my sheets so badly....I haven't changed them since I got home from attending to my sick Father who ended up passing on March 1st. I came home on March 1st and started drinking...drank for a couple weeks...stopped...took a couple weeks just to get the house situated here...again...the coronavirus and the grief from my Father was debilitating me...and still is.....I had no distractions except, cleaning.....but took at week after the 2 week binge to even attempt....and then another 2 week binge...and more recovery...and now....more recovery...…

Beating the hell out of my body.....I am eating a lot thou...I am EXHAUSTED...I am hoping Day 6 will be the day to change the sheets...I did unclog the tub today..... for being here and letting me be me.

RecklessDrunk

You don't have to tackle not drinking forever. Nobody is achieving long term sobriety in one day. You only have to manage not drinking today. Control what you can control today. We're not even guaranteed that tomorrow or next month or next year will come at all so why stress over it?

1st downs, small steps. Whether or not you drink today has absolutely nothing to do with tomorrow or that drink your AV is fantasizing about in the future. Sometimes you have to forget about the future at all. Enjoy what you can today. I know it sucks sometimes with this virus nonsense and all but get what you can out of today. The simple things like fresh spring air, not being hungover and wound up in an anxiety attack.

I find that if I just set aside like 10 or 15 minutes a day to clean the smallest thing it adds up.

Sober369

Hey Missy, I'm so sorry your Father passed. Sending a big cyber hug. It's so hard, I know.
I'm on day three and still feel bad, too. Jeez this can be hard.
I also need to clean. I did change my sheets and that does feel wonderful. But lots of stuff I'm just putting off. My grand kids took the dogs for a walk and I really wanted to go. Got my shoes on and all, but then just didn't have it in me.
I never had 8 years, but I had well over two years once. It was a great feeling. I know we can both get that back, that feeling of health and sobriety.

Lucinda2

I am sorry for your loss, Misssy.

I will check in tomorrow to see how you got on with those sheets.

saoutchik

I'm really sorry about your dad Missy but I bet he would be proud that you are not drinking.

I think saying you hope not to drink again is just being honest. An alcoholic may mean it if they say they will not drink again but it is bravado as they cannot really know for certain.

Good luck!

Dee74

I always say you don't need to hope; you can make it happen.

I do remember what it was like tho.

I had no confidence in my own ability to stay sober - but I knew I could commit to staying sober today, and then do the same tomorrow.

After a while I had a long streak of days behind me and forever was no longer the scary proposition it once was.

Some days were harder than others. Those were the days I leant hard on all the support I could muster.

I stayed sober because I built a sober life I loved. Its a life I don;t have to run away from, even when the times are tough.

Building that kind of confidence takes time but there's no better time to start than now.

Anna

Missy, you can be the change you want and need and hope for.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your father.

Lines

I think it's ok not to have certainty especially in the beginning Before attempting to climb a mountain some people are psyched and yelling out Let's Go. And others are like wow that's a big mountain and I want to get to the top, but ?? I I felt that way as I started to recover from my recent lapse. But I think I've gained momentum as I started climbing back up. Hopefully your certainty will grow over time. A good sign - you shared your honest feelings.

Steely

And tomorrow you'll have another day up your sleeve.

They add up Missy, and it get easier, and better. Onwards we push.

Reid82

Sorry for your loss. Things should improve in the next few days all going well, healing takes time.

Lucinda2

Hi Misssy, just checking back to let you know that I am thinking of you today. I hope you managed those sheets. Warm wishes Lucinda