How to not let other people's opinions **** you off??
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by nez 
I have no idea if this is the case for anyone else, but for me, when other people's opinions about me (or something I do or don't do) bothers me; it is due to an insecurity on my part.
The first thing I do is to pay attention to the physical changes that are occurring in my body as I get worked up. If I like them, I keep getting worked up. Needless to say this never is the case, so then I work on relaxing and releasing the building tension and stress.
At this point, I focus on what the insecurity is, why I have it, and how it effects me. Doing this puts my focus on me, which is where it can do the most good, instead of spinning my wheels over the opinion, which is counter productive at best.
I also make sure to thank my higher power for sending me a red flag about an area of my personality that needs some attention and improvement.
Getting pissed off, is not enjoyable for me. I much prefer the peace and serenity that comes from continued growth.
The first thing I do is to pay attention to the physical changes that are occurring in my body as I get worked up. If I like them, I keep getting worked up. Needless to say this never is the case, so then I work on relaxing and releasing the building tension and stress.
At this point, I focus on what the insecurity is, why I have it, and how it effects me. Doing this puts my focus on me, which is where it can do the most good, instead of spinning my wheels over the opinion, which is counter productive at best.
I also make sure to thank my higher power for sending me a red flag about an area of my personality that needs some attention and improvement.
Getting pissed off, is not enjoyable for me. I much prefer the peace and serenity that comes from continued growth.
True.
With regards to an AA meeting I am aware of the no cross talk rule and the games some play.
Once the newcomer realizes there are certain meetings where the knives will come out (so to speak...) you can tailor your shares. For example if you know medication of any sort is going to ruffle feathers don't bring it up.
Or you can chose a different meeting.
However, to stew in anger or try and push back is a waste of time.
AA meetings may start and end in the same fashion but they often vary in vibe/tone once the floor is open to share.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
My opinion on everything is that I am always right, never wrong! I have never made a mistake in my entire life! Haha. But I am usually a few drinks in at this point. Sobered up, I respect people's opinions. This is life. People are all different.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Getting upset about opinions is a person not understanding why the other person can't get where they are coming from which is exactly the same thing that the first person said to themselves before they expressed their opinion that upset the second person.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 464
You know, the more I live life AF, the more measured I've become in what I say. Less BS, more thought.
I've always had a "healthy skeptic" personality, although my wife often mistakenly refers to it acute cynicism
Anyway, I enjoy listening to the comments and opinions of others, but I find myself sorting through it all. I take away some, and toss out the rest. Life's too short too worry about some off-the-cuff remark made by some acquaintance or neighbor. It's also become easier for me now just to politely excuse myself when faced with a load of drivel. There are better things to enjoy.
I've always had a "healthy skeptic" personality, although my wife often mistakenly refers to it acute cynicism
Anyway, I enjoy listening to the comments and opinions of others, but I find myself sorting through it all. I take away some, and toss out the rest. Life's too short too worry about some off-the-cuff remark made by some acquaintance or neighbor. It's also become easier for me now just to politely excuse myself when faced with a load of drivel. There are better things to enjoy.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
I don't go to AA meetings for approval.
I attend them because I am an active member of AA and because I have a drinking problem.
I have not had a drink since the day I walked into my first AA meeting.
I go to share my experience, strength and hope and to meet people who are new in the program and need encouragement.
But, I do not go to AA meetings for approval.
Sometimes I experience wisdom and sometimes I see a rather decided lack of it.
My mental health is like a 3-legged stool with AA/recovery, my relationship with God and my medications (through a highly trained psychiatrist) constituting the 3 legs of the stool.
I don't care what anyone thinks about my taking meds, for example, or my seeking a relationship with God or my being a member of AA.
I'm a lawyer - people have to take a number and get in line to curse me.
Most, but not all, of it rolls off of me fairly well.
If I'm doing the right thing (in my case, learning and doing God's will per Step 11), I certainly don't care what anyone thinks.
This is always a good topic - thanks for bringing it up.
I attend them because I am an active member of AA and because I have a drinking problem.
I have not had a drink since the day I walked into my first AA meeting.
I go to share my experience, strength and hope and to meet people who are new in the program and need encouragement.
But, I do not go to AA meetings for approval.
Sometimes I experience wisdom and sometimes I see a rather decided lack of it.
My mental health is like a 3-legged stool with AA/recovery, my relationship with God and my medications (through a highly trained psychiatrist) constituting the 3 legs of the stool.
I don't care what anyone thinks about my taking meds, for example, or my seeking a relationship with God or my being a member of AA.
I'm a lawyer - people have to take a number and get in line to curse me.
Most, but not all, of it rolls off of me fairly well.
If I'm doing the right thing (in my case, learning and doing God's will per Step 11), I certainly don't care what anyone thinks.
This is always a good topic - thanks for bringing it up.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by ZIP
You know, the more I live life AF, the more measured I've become in what I say. Less BS, more thought.
I've always had a "healthy skeptic" personality, although my wife often mistakenly refers to it acute cynicism
Anyway, I enjoy listening to the comments and opinions of others, but I find myself sorting through it all. I take away some, and toss out the rest. Life's too short too worry about some off-the-cuff remark made by some acquaintance or neighbor. It's also become easier for me now just to politely excuse myself when faced with a load of drivel. There are better things to enjoy.
I've always had a "healthy skeptic" personality, although my wife often mistakenly refers to it acute cynicism
Anyway, I enjoy listening to the comments and opinions of others, but I find myself sorting through it all. I take away some, and toss out the rest. Life's too short too worry about some off-the-cuff remark made by some acquaintance or neighbor. It's also become easier for me now just to politely excuse myself when faced with a load of drivel. There are better things to enjoy.
I love my brother and sister but I find it best to send their calls to voice mail and respond by text.
My wife gets on my case about this but she has a close relationship with her sister. My siblings and I aren't particularly close.
However, we are on speaking (or in my case text..) terms and this seems to work
It's pretty much the same in AA. I set healthy boundaries.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 239
I would go further than saying it's a difference of opinion. I would think of it as having differing beliefs. Your beliefs on medication are backed up by the medical community and medical science. It's your health. And then think how fortunate you are to be able to follow your beliefs and have the medicine you need. The Opinionist people most likely are in need of something but let their stubborn mindset prevent their seeking help. I would disregard their opinions as ignorance,
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