MLD51

Shortstop - One of the things I am conditioning myself to do lately is to look at my life and pat myself on the back a little for the things I have accomplished. I went most of my life feeling like I didn't really deserve my successes (but I certainly felt like I deserved my failures). I kind of felt like things like good grades in school, getting that good job, or excelling in the military were all a fluke of some sort - not something I had actually worked for. Like it was luck or something. I have to work at it to realize I actually did work hard and that those things happened for a reason. That's a hard pill for me to swallow, and I don't really understand why. I think that's the real definition of imposter syndrome.

August252015

Hmmm. the "luck" idea and being born to a better or worse destiny is not something I agree with - tho there is merit in understanding that circumstances and genes and things we don't get to choose when we arrive are important. It's that choice part that I believe determines the course of our lives more than the origin. Like choosing to stop drinking, which is indeed the essential part for any of us with any degree of problem.

Good discussion continues!

BackandScared

I guess it is not the same for everybody. I do believe we are all worth respect and we 'deserve' good things to happen to us. I believe that many good things happen because we are at the right place at the right time. This is not to say that we do not contribute to our own destiny.

I am someone who comes from an extremely poor background. I am surrounded by people who have never been on that kind of environment. They all believe their qualifications and lifestyle is something they deserve. They all talk about the impostor syndrome too. I never hear the women in my family (most of them clearners, migrants and domestic worker) talk about impostor syndrome.

I know I have been able to 'escape' that environment because I worked very hard, because my academic abilities seem fitted for the kind of intelligence schools measure and because a couple of persons gave me a hand at some point. I do not have any networks but my PhD supervisor believed in me when I did not even know what a PhD meant (despite 4 years at Uni).

Perhaps it is different for others. I do not think I deserve the nice lifestyle I have more than the women in my lilfe that have cleaned other peoples' **** all their life. I think that humbleness is a virtue that can be reconciled with feeling pride with one's achievements.

I still understand what it is meant by impostor syndrome and why it is negative when it undermines your self-esteem and makes you believe you do not deserve good things. Everybody deserves them. I am not sure that the sense of 'unworthiness' that comes with alcohol, the lies and the fear of being found out is totally comparable with the feeling that you do not deserve the good jog/or the good family or whatever it is.

It is a personal reflection, not a universal truth.

stargazer016

Great post LG! Certainly sums up my thinking during my using years, which was most of my adult life.