Sammy1980

This remark was on another thread. For some reason remarks like this really upset me. I have only been 2 months sober but it took every bit of my soul to get to day 1. So I understand how hard it is and i hope that I never Judge anyone ever.
Good luck to anyone trying to stop and those that are in the crisp of this awful addiction
Below is the remark sorry I don't know how to highlight them


Really drunk people don't scare me, they repulse me. And I empathize with them and remember the bad old days.

I'm somewhat afraid that they might puke on me or start a fight or get all up in my face, but they don't scare me per se.

I can't stand the smell of alcohol on a person.

Reid82

I find looking at pictures of people on night outs and thinking "well at least I'm going to be fresh in the morning" and I don't mind really. I've served my drinking career rather well and am happy I'm retired from it all!

AAPJ

The way I understand the word judgement it can be a positive or negative event.

There is no such thing as a judgement free world.

As Bette Davis once said, ‘What other people think of me is none of my business.’

Dee74

Judgement is a very elastic thing - calling people out for judging others could be seen as judgement in itself....it can be a snowballing thing.

I try to stick to sharing my own experience and I always try and ask myself is my post useful and helpful before I submit it.

I don't always live up to my ideals but I try

In a website this large you're always going to find posts you disagree with.

You can always use the ignore function on anyone whose posts you don't want to see anymore.

You can report any thread you think breaks our rules.

You could drop that poster a PM to carry on a robust discussion in private if you like

I know the post that upset you.
I didn't read it that way at all but I'm sorry if you found it unhelpful.

Dee
Administrator
SR

AAPJ

I do not agree with everything other folks say on this website but personally I think it helps me to grow by listening to people with different opinions and viewpoints.

If I only read posts that I already agreed with what would I learn?

Dee74

Sure, but its also true sometimes even I literally need a break.
The ignore function is great for that.

full disclosure tho - I do not have anyone on ignore right now

D

DriGuy

It's both positive and negative, and we do it all the time. The most exact opposite of judging I can think of would be ignoring, which in my opinion is worse than judging.

It's common to hear someone say, "You should not judge others," but I think it's one of those phrases that underscores a point without saying exactly what it means. In this case, it's more properly interpreted as, "You shouldn't say something bad about people," which is generally considered a rule of etiquette.

Judging of others is the basis of making relationships. It's the basis of awarding Nobel Piece Prizes.

The examples given in the first post are disclosures of inner feelings, not exactly judgements, although judgements are involved in those feelings. The first post itself judged those comments negatively. And if you are reading my response, you are making judgements about me. We judge.

FeelingGreat

Sammy, I've found that when I judge people it was usually because I saw something of myself in them, or something I'm scared of becoming. I've noticed this in others as well.

You could take the offending words as a possibility that the person who doesn't like drunk people is reflecting his own fears or even memories.

Steely

I agree with Feeling Great, Sammy. The original poster sees themselves in the drunken person and is repulsed. I'm pretty repulsive when I'm drunk.

I find drunken people scary sometimes. Think domestic violence.

Congratulations on 2 months. Me, 61 days.

Cityboy

In threads in which people are under duress resulting from someone close to them with an addiction problem, especially from the side of trying to provide support for the person who is under duress, there are bound to be judgemental statements about the person who is causing the duress.

I responded to someone's post a couple of weeks ago in a way that sounded much more judgemental than I had intended. I would have changed or deleted it but the time limit had expired. I thought that my assessment was accurate though and I couldn't bring myself to write a retractive post.

If you think that people on SR are judgmental, I'll provide you a link to the fishing website I used to spend time on. There, nearly every thread would decend into a spitting match complete with personal insults over the most ridiculous things. I quit going there as part of my plan to reduce stress.

fishkiller

tht?

Cityboy

I kind of miss conversing with some of my THT buddies. Maybe I'll start going back on some but it doesn't seem the same now, and I feel like I should stay away for the time being.

THT is where I first saw a link to SR.

fishkiller

I knew it. Lol
That is where I heard of this place too.
I too rarely go there now. This place is much more positive.

There is a world of info there but damn its been taken over by idiots.

There's judgemental for ya.

Sorry for the hijack op.
Dont worry about what other people think and you'll be fine.

D122y

I know I irritate some people. I am polarizing.

I do it in real life and I do it here. I am positive I am on someone's ignore list.

I don't want to be like that, I just am.

Here we go....

Some folks think they are smart. Smarter than most everyone. This guy at work...he is taking one class for his undergraduate degree. Suddenly he is the expert all things in life. He thinks he is awesome at life.

I sometimes want to say...if you were so smart you would know how not to **** everyone off.

So annoying.

I definitely skip over some posts. I prefer bullet statements vs a dense paragraph.

Sometimes a post offends me too. I have been told i offended someone. I apologized.

I am not too proud.

I commented on a post recently and it was removed by administration, I think. I know I wasn't drunk when i typed it.

It was not offensive to me, but I later thought it might singe some folks with different life experiences.

Thanks.

Spacegoat

There is a lot of truth to this.

This thread got me thinking. I read a book a book once, one of the very few (as in literally a handful) out of the many (as in hundred's, if not thousands) of which I had collected over years (as I never had much peace tbh)

It was '7 laws of Spritual Success' by Deepak Chopra. There was a chapter in their about 'the Law of Non-Judgement'. And in that chapter (iirc) was an exercise, about practising same. Little things such as not judging a person on their appearance, or reacting to something said etc. So I did that, as suggested, for a few days. The days turned into weeks, the weeks turned into months and then years - I was practically living like a monk.

The problems was everything that was going on around me. There were lots of situations where I was being taken advantage of, in some ways. I could only describe the experience to someone afterwards as such - 'the law of non-judgement... gone wrong!' It's an upside down world imo, where rarely things are black & white.

We live in a gray area-the space between the end of one age (a dark one) and the beginning of another (a new dawn). So I guess the best way I have heard it put since is this: 'Don't judge others where possible, but make judgement calls instead'. Not always easy, it takes practice. But it works. Or it should do anyway (eventually)

Just my 2 cents, thanks

HeadEast

That's why I would never use the ignore function.

DaisyBelle7

I do my best not to judge other people, and not to compare myself to other people. We’re all unique. That being said, we’re all human and fallible. When I catch myself judging or comparing, I do my best to stop.

Interestingly enough, I have found that when I have a strong reaction to something that someone else says, it’s usually due to a personal issue that I have. For years I saddled up with people who were just like me, thought like me, did what I do... that got me nowhere. I now seek people who have different viewpoints, vastly different interests and thought processes, and I learn from them. If I have a negative reaction, I look inward to find out why I’m reacting like that.

Personally, I didn’t take the statement that was made as judgemental, nor personal. I took it as that person’s unique experience with drunk people - not all drunk people, but drunk people with whom he/she had experience, or perhaps that’s how the person viewed him/herself when drinking.

fini

Sammy, i read that post as speaking solely about the poster and what they experience when around really drunk people.
i experience much the same: a mixture of repulsion and empathy and understanding, and the recognition.
that recognition for me includes pain, a desire to help, and a desire to get away.

thomas11

Considering the life I have lived, I have no business judging anyone about anything. And I don't. Everyone gets a fair shot with me.

AAPJ

I sort of agree and disagree with this at the same time. I think I understand the spirit of your thinking and I agree with that part but on the other hand I make judgements (positive and negative) about everyone I meet. For me the difference is that I try to be more understanding of the other person's situation and look for the positives in others instead of focusing on the negative. YMMV.