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Old 02-14-2020, 06:50 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Feeling hopeless


My boyfriend is a recovering meth addict. Of course we all know part of recovery is relapse. Everything is fine with us until he does relapse. When he comes out of his high he moves back to his parents and wonít contact me at all. He says he needs time. In the meantime Iím sitting here thinking he doesnít care or love me anymore. Is this normal behavior and why is he pushing the one that loves him and cares for him most away?? I love him and Iím going to continue to be here for him. Itís just very heart breaking not being able to talk to him or see him
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Old 02-14-2020, 07:06 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I'm sorry for what brings you here Nursey but I know you'll find support here.

I don't know if it normal but its a situation I read of here a lot - active addicts pushing loved ones away.

Maybe its guilt or self hatred...or maybe it's an excuse to drug a little more - but anything is possible.

I'm not dissing your bf - I don't know him and I don't know what the motivation is specifically with him pushing you away - but he's an ill man right now.

Whoever taught him or you that relapse is part of recovery did neither of you a favour.

Relapse is part of addiction, not recovery.

I understand you want to stand by him, but while your bf is in active addiction, the come here go away dynamic is probably going to be the norm?

You are neither hopeless or unworthy of love..but the road ahead looks rocky unless and until he decides to quit for good.

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Old 02-14-2020, 07:34 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome,

Relapse is not part of recovery.

Relapse is part of addiction.

I'm not sure why your boyfriend pushes you away, but I imagine that he is dealing with helping himself recover. Have you considered AlAnon as a support for yourself? I hope that you find some peace.
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Old 02-14-2020, 08:27 PM   #4 (permalink)
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hello Nursey,

farther down the forum lists are forums for friends and family of substance abusers/addicts.
i will bet you will find some good support from folks who are or have been in your shoes.
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Old 02-14-2020, 08:28 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Hi Nursery, you will find people who know what you're going through in the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers section of these Forums. Go to the Stickies at the top of the forum and have a read, also look around the threads. You will learn that you are not alone.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...tance-abusers/
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Old 02-14-2020, 08:37 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Couldn't agree more with Dee and Anna, Nursey2680.

Relapse happens, but it's not part of recovery. Polar opposites.

If he tells you it's part of recovery he's giving himself the biggest 'out' ever. Recovery, means recovery.

Good idea to check out Family & Friends, here, but seriously Nursey I wouldn't be waiting forever. You can only take so much.

You deserve better.
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Old 02-14-2020, 09:07 PM   #7 (permalink)
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If he is pushing you away, I would take the hint and stay away for a while. Let him reap what he's sown. I hope you can find some peace of mind on your own.

I am also in favor of support. AlAnon is great for in person support, and the friends and family forums are very helpful too.
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Old 02-14-2020, 10:48 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Relapse is not a part of recovert and you shouldn't have to feel hopeless. I'd give him an ultimatum. If he uses again, the relationship is over.
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Old 02-14-2020, 10:59 PM   #9 (permalink)
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"Of course we all know part of recovery is relapse." No. Nope. Not at all. Relapse is not, nor will it ever be, part of recovery.
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Old 02-15-2020, 03:33 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Sounds like a hard situation, especially with someone you love. You'll find good support here and no, relapses like the others have said doesn't have to be part of recovery.
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