quitin2020

I am mid forties. Been drinking since I was a teenager. Problem drinker for most of that time. Last ten years in particular have been consumed with heavy drinking. Almost daily for the last couple of years.
I know I am an alcoholic. I know I have a problem.
I have made several feeble attempts that last 4 days or less.

Last Sunday morning, I woke up with a horrible flu bug. I had fever and was in bed for four days. I am still not completely over it, but much better. As I laid in bed, I thought to myself, why not use this illness as a way to jumpstart sobriety? Those first few days, I didn't feel like drinking anyway, so that part was easy. Now that the illness has subsided, I am having cravings.

Last night and the night before were the first Friday and Saturday nights that I have not drank in longer than I can remember, so I am thankful to have gotten through that. Tonight is the Super Bowl. My wife and I have invites to two different parties which will be filled with much boozing. I know I would fail if I went to those, so I am going to skip them and watch the game at home.

Two other things:
I haven't told my wife or anyone else that I am trying to get sober. I know I should, but I am not ready to.
I haven't gotten rid of the alcohol in the house. Again... I know I should, but I haven't.

Thanks for listening, and for providing a community where I can share.

AAPJ

Welcome. Admitting you have a problem is a good start.

Cityboy

You did the right thing coming here. It has helped me tremendously.

Most of my attempts at quitting didn't last one day.

I still have beer stashed around after three weeks. I just don't even want to see or touch it. I think that the wife used the last of the wine in cooking a night or two ago.

I didn't tell her for two weeks. Didn't want to hex myself and knew that she would not know how to provide support in the early stages.

What got me over the hump was spilling my guts out here, not just about the drinking itself, but about the stress, anxiety, resentment, and other factors that were keeping me in the cycle of drinking.

Anna

You made a good choice by deciding to stay home and avoid the SuperBowl parties.

I think it's up to you who you tell or don't tell about your decision to stop drinking. I wonder, though, if your wife would support you if she knew and that could be helpful for you?

I strongly recommend getting rid of the alcohol in your house. It makes life so much easier.

Surrendered19

You are off to a great start Quitin2020. The initial physical challenges are behind you. Definitely skip the Superbowl parties and dump your supply. Would your wife be supportive of your efforts to stay sober? If you can tell her and if she is supportive, you will be surprised how good and liberating that will feel. It comes with an enormous sense of relief and there is then built-in accountability. Welcome to SR. You will find much support here. Again, EXCELLENT START!!! One week is big.

Coldfusion

Alcohol is everywhere in this world. I need to be constantly vigilant to maintain my sobriety, and this is with my wife as a partner in recovery as well as having no alcohol in the house. We have been sober seven years; I go to AA meetings but my wife does not. But we both did ninety AA meetings in our first ninety days of sobriety, and she feels this gave her sobriety a solid foundation.

quitin2020

She would be supportive for sure. We have been married for over 20 years. I know she worries about my health - especially as it relates to my drinking.
She is a sometimes social drinker. If we are somewhere there is alcohol, she may or may not have a glass of wine.

I have not told her for one main reason:
I don't want to disappoint her if I fail. Would rather get further down the road with it first and then tell her when I have more confidence in what I am doing.

Surrendered19

If that is the case Quitin, then do the things you need to do to stay sober, which in the short term include getting the booze out of your house. Dump it.

least

Welcome to the family. Getting sober for good is the best thing I've ever done for myself. I hope our support can help you get sober too.

fishkiller

Welcome quinton

Dump the booze, keep coming here, tell wife when ready.

Wish you the best.

Hevyn

It's great to have you join us, quitin2020. I think you'll find the encouragement here is wonderful. I had felt all alone until I found SR - no one else in my life had a problem with alcohol. Here, we can share thoughts & problems that others can't possibly understand. Like Cityboy - I didn't want to jinx myself by making a grand announcement about quitting. I had failed in the past & didn't want to add any additional anxiety to my plan. I think we're all different in this regard though.

I commend you for making this huge change in your life. You'll never regret getting free of it.

Steely

Welcome quitin2020.

SR is the only support system I use in staying sober and has been instrumental in my now 49 days of sobriety. I have confidence for the first time that (this time) I can make it for life. A day at a time.

Very impressed you declined invites to the Super Bowl. I come from Australia and don't know much about it, but I've made friends with a couple of fellows here, and in the spirit and fun of it all am barracking for the Chiefs.

I'll be watching at home too. Sober can be fun. And I'll remember the score.

Dee74

Hi quitin2020

who you tell is up to you but it sounds like your wife is already worried about your drinking.

I think she'd be thrilled to know you're trying - but telling her would effectively slam shut a door to possibly returning to drinking.

I wouldn't use you might 'fail' as a reason not to tell her, but thats me.

Noone has to fail

D

D122y

Welcome sir.

Something that helped me stop drinking forever was understanding the science of addiction.

It deals with dopamine production and CNS damage. I've had to change my lifestyle. There are many ways to do this. I chose exercise and projects. Now I am addicted to the natural opiates my body creates. It is as God intended and it is awesome. Relate it to a little kid being happy for no reason at all.

It takes several years to normilze and many can't make it out.

Relapse rates are huge. We addict s have to gang up. We have to be a family.

If I hang with drinkers, I will relapse. Once in a while is ok, but not all the time.

I plan to use AA more, but SR is my virtual family.

This place saved my life.

Thanks.

quitin2020

Thanks for all the encouragement.
I just threw out all the beer that I had. Was a little surreal doing it, but it is done.
I will continue to consider telling the wife.
Dee74, I think you are right that telling her would be "slamming a door shut."

Again, thanks for all the kind words. This is a good group of folks.

Coz

Hi quitin

Good on you for making the decision to look after yourself and live a happy, healthy and free life.

I'm a newbie at this, but have found that reading lots of the threads on here has helped me no-end, not to mention the great support you get from posting and reaching out for ideas and support.

Hope you will stay on board and maybe consider joining the class of February 2020 which is a bunch of us in the early days of being non-drinkers.

I also haven't told my hubby what I am doing as he has been away for the last couple of weeks. I do know that he will be supportive, but still thinking about using the line of having a "dry February" to give my body a break. I tried to hide my excess drinking from him, but I know he knows, but probably doesn't get the difficulties addicts have in just drinking 'normally' and sure won't understand the challenges and need for abstinence forever.

Hope to see you lots more on this forum!

RecklessDrunk

It's nice being able to remember the super bowl.

The desire to drink is cunning, baffling, and powerful. Especially in those first few weeks urges can come out of nowhere. It doesn't end completely in the first few weeks but the habbit of not drinking becomes routine and it seems like more work to pick up a drink than not to.

If you want to try AA search Google for AA meetings near you. One way to get well is to be around others who are well. Once you start to read the literature you may find it makes perfect sense. For me it was like, oh wow, that explains a lot. I felt so much better after that first meeting.

Urges will come, please come back here and post when they do. The urges do get easier. It's not going to be hard everyday, though the disease wants to make you think so. You just have to recognize a rough day and realize it's just that a rough day, it's not always going to be tough.

I am also mid forties and was an alcoholic since my teens.

PhoenixJ

Welcome QI22. I can not do this alone. I tried that- did not work. Outside your personal circle of people- family/friends support is necessary, I think. Seeing your doc for a checkup, meetings- posting at SR regularly- daily even- in communal threads is good for me. The first thing I do- almost without thinking about it now- is to log onto SR every morning with coffee (of course) as part of my routine. Without a positive recovery- nothing else I value in my life would even be possibly. To me- honesty is everything, especially to myself. Well done on the post.

Support to you.

quitin2020

Thanks, PhoenixJ

Finishing up day 9 and feeling good.
Enjoyed laying in bed the last few nights and reading a book (and actually remembering what I read last night), instead of sitting in the recliner getting drunk and hiding it from my wife.

Also really been enjoying waking up in the morning feeling totally refreshed. I had forgotten just how good you can feel after a real nights sleep.

I will tell her what I am doing soon enough. Right now I am a little curious to see how long it takes her to comment or ask about it. 😀

Hevyn

9 days - that's fabulous, quitin. I used to love to read at night & stopped all together when I was drinking - didn't retain anything I read. Also would watch whole movies & not remember a thing. I'm so glad we don't live like that anymore.