REVELATEXFORM

Hello all...

So, I am a social drinker, with a great social life. Been a partier for about 20 years. Weekend warrior. Never drank alone, though, and it never affected work or relationships.

However, now in my mid-40s, physical effects are now becoming untenable. After the last party on a weekend Jan 11-12, I'm still feeling like crap. RUQ pain, headache, nausea...I've had recurring RUQ for years, and after ultrasounds, a colonoscopy and even an appendicitis, was told first I have Crohn's but then I could have IBS, so not sure what is alcohol or what is IBS related. The fact remains, though, it seems, is that I need to either stop completely or limit myself literally to an eye-dropper of scotch a week. My body is speaking loud and clear.

My problem is less stopping and more the challenge of completely changing my lifestyle. All my buddies are drinkers, and its simply what they do. I go to a concert to meet them, and without asking a beer is pushed into my hand. I don't know where to start reinventing myself. I wish I didn't have to; I love my lifestyle and a "straight-edge" life just seems so lame. I see people at festivals, concerts, or whatever and see people who don't party, and they just seem so bored and boring.

Have any of you been in the same situation and how did you deal with it? Even now, I am getting texts about the next trip or festival, which I won't be able to attend.



Douglas

Anna

Welcome, and I think if you look around here you will find that we are not bored or boring.

And, yes, many of us have been in your situation. It's very scary to be facing removing alcohol from your life. Stopping drinking is step one, but staying sober and changing your lifestyle to support your recovery is something else.

I had to remove a few people from my life, and it's not uncommon to need to do that. It takes a lot of motivation to stay sober and to change your life. I hope your health concerns motivate you to make a recovery plan. What can you do to support your recovery and to ensure that you remain sober? Exercise is a good place to start, get involved in hobbies, join a sports team, volunteer in your community and meet other sober people. If you want it, you will be able to do it.

Surrendered19

When you stop drinking alcohol, do you normally get better? If you drank nearly 3 weeks ago, you wouldn't still be feeling any acute effects from that, so something else is going on that you need to see your docs about.

Stopping the life is as big and scary as you make it. I quit a bit over two months ago and you WILL find out who your true friends are. The people that love you and want to be in your life regardless won't care one bit. But you definitely might stop getting invited to this or that.

I'll suggest too that you'll likely get more support here, and from other quarters, if you try not to refer to us as bored, boring or lame. First of all those things aren't true, and secondly, if you read around these forums for a few days, you won't find anything that is lame or boring.

doggonecarl

Welcome to Sober Recovery.

You say the problem isn't stopping, but you haven't stopped yet, have you? At least, not for any length of time.

Drinking and the lifestyle that supports it are closely intertwined. When everyone you know drinks, and every social occasion calls for drinking, and non-drinkers are viewed as lame, then changes in both areas need to occur--you need to stop drinking, and you need to learn to live and love the sober life. That doesn't mean being a hermit. But it does mean that if your lifestyle doesn't support sobriety...and you insist on clinging to that lifestyle, then alcohol is really the foundation you have built your life on.

I loved partying, loved going to bars, festivals, events where I could drink. But in the last few years, I didn't realize that my participation in all that social drinking was diminishing and just plain drinking was increasing. When I stopped I thought, "What about my lifestyle, how am I going to change?" not quite recognizing that my lifestyle was just drinking.

Haven't drank in ten years. I've rebuilt my life around that. I could go to bars, parties, alcohol-centric events...but why? I only went before because I could drink. I don't drink now and they no longer hold attraction for me.

REVELATEXFORM

I am sorry about the "bored and boring" comment! It certainly doesn't apply to all non-partiers and wasn't meant to be a slight.

Surrendered19

Don't forget to apologize for calling us lame!!! LOL!!!

No, we are not wounded by your words and interested only in you getting better. Ideally, you may even look back at some of your drinking habits as truly worthy of the labels lame and boring.

Tell us if you are still drinking. Was the Jan 11-12 bender the last time you drank? I still think you need to see a doc and be COMPLETELY HONEST about your drinking and all of your symptoms. They cannot do squat for you unless you are honest.

REVELATEXFORM

Not a drop since then.

VinnyMcM

I too thought of non-drinkers as boring....until I became a non-drinker. No worries, it’s a fear for all drinkers with how life will change being sober. I haven’t stopped going to places where alcohol is. I still go to sporting events, social gatherings, and bars to eat. Only thing different is that I just don’t drink.

Next time you are in a drinking environment, look around and count how many people AREN’T drinking. There are way more non drinkers out there than you think. We just chose to gravitate to the people who are drinking and having “fun”.

I was one of those people who thought I had to drink to have fun. It’s a pathetic way to waste a life. Admittedly, the thought still enters my mind that something won’t be fun without drinking. It’s all in my head. The fact is that it’s just as fun (seriously, it is) and I don’t have the crippling hangover afterward.

AAPJ

If you and your body are not processing alcohol as well as you did when you were younger it's a message to you. Compared to many of us your problems are pretty moderate so far. A thought for your consideration. One does not have to be an alcoholic to benefit from sobriety.

Regarding my friends who drink. The ones who did not have an alcohol problem are fine with me going out with them and not drinking. OTOH there were some folks who distanced themselves from me. In general they needed to be around other drinkers only. That's on them and it says a lot about their character.

Given the whole social scene in your life you may decide you are not ready to quit. That's fine if that's what you want to do. But it's not going to get any better. We are all getting older. So if you continue to drink I am pretty confident that the price you pay for each drink will get greater and greater.

I wish you the best possible outcome whatever you decide to do.

ciowa

Revel, welcome to SR. Something I learned about alcohol use disorder is that it usually affects many spheres of our lives such as social, emotional/psychological and biological to name a few. A lot of people tend to focus on one area, usually social, to measure whether they have a problem or not but the physical impacts are just as important to be aware of. So, I think its good that you at least recognize that your physical well being is a priority that can lead to recovery, ven if it's at odds with your social sphere.

In my intensive outpatient program, we had a lot of people who were trying to adjust to life without drinking and it was admittedly hard for many of them as they had built their lives around drinking. Something that can happen when we quit is that in the first couple of months our bodies are trying to adjust to not having alcohol and there may be symptoms from this, like erratic sleep and even a deadening of emotions or lack of joy (anhedonia) So that can make it harder to find things that were enjoyable before. The thing about alcohol is that it produces an unnatural euphoria so looking for that exact same feeling in sober events can be a challenge.

Some things I've tried to do is question what it was about certain types of outings or gatherings that I really enjoyed. Was it the adrenaline rush, spontaneity, camaraderie or even having an unplanned night where anything could happen? And then I've tried to think of things that might mimic those things to some degree. I also try new things and events. Its important to keep stimulating ourselves I believe. I was fortunate in that I didn't like being around drunk people unless I was drunk myself so I don't mind being around sober folks now that I'm sober, regardless of the event.

Im middle aged now and I knew deep down I was going to have to stop the bar scene at some point. Im being honest in saying that I knew when that time came that I was not going to ever again walk into a room of sober people and have them all yell out my name and try to dance with me, shower me with hugs, kisses and try to buy me drinks. And Im ok with that. All things must pass.

fishkiller

Health or social life, hmmmm
Not gonna have much of a social life if you are not healthy.

IMHO if you have to have a drink to have " fun " at an event, it doesnt sound like you are there for the event as much as you are the drink.

"Friends"
This one is easy
Tell your "friends" that you are not well and you are not drinking anymore so you can focus on getting healthy.

If any of your friends still offers you alcohol, or worse, gives you are hard time about it. Not much of a friend.

I have 1 neighbor. He and I have been hanging out and drinking for about 6 years.
I have told him no less than 6 times in the last week that I dont drink anymore yet everytime I see him he hands me a beer. When I tell him AGAIN I am not drinking I get this far off look.

Doesnt make me want to drink but it shows he is more interested in having a drinking buddy than a friend.

I have Chron's. Had it since I was 17 yo. I hope you "just" have IBS and not IBD like Chrons or Colitis.

Good luck whatever you choose and I hope your health improves.

Steely

You sound like you need to stop for health reasons alone. You don't say how much you are drinking so I don't know whether you're a social drinker or not, but I believe you.

It's only in the doing of it that you will come to understand you can have a really great time without drinking alcohol. If your friends are true they will understand and support you in taking care of your health.

Alcohol in my view is highly overrated, and I'd lay good money on one or more of the band members you see at concert are now living sober. Other concert goers too.

Go practice. You'll be surprised at how good it can feel.

Don't forget to have fun. You're a fun guy.

ptown

I understand how social situations can be difficult without drinking at first. To be honest, I think I have a lot of reflection and self-discovery to do myself about whether or not I want to be in certain places if I can't have a drink. I used to go to a ton of concerts and play shows myself and both of those things tend to fill me with a lot of anxiety now. Maybe that's a lifestyle change that I need to make, or maybe it's something that I'll be able to learn how to manage with help from a therapist. Like everyone here is saying, though, if they are real friends to you and not just drinking buddies, they will understand that you need to make a change. It might be hard or even hurtful for a while, but I don't think anyone should be able to blame you for making a choice for your own well being.

Derringer

Welcome along.

Soon after alcohol was mass produced some 4000 years ago when viticulture spread out of the Mediterranean, another thing was discovered, other than we get a pleasurable effect from drinking it.

It's a great cleaning product too.

It dissolves things.

Some of our body parts are quite susceptible to this, our digestive system especially so and it's normally the first to be effected.

Put ya big boy pants on and have a chat with your buddies about what is going on for you.

When it isn't so much fun anymore, make the changes sooner rather than later, it's way easier to nip it in the bud, than it is to postpone and be faced with a tree to remove later.

REVELATEXFORM

Generally a party weekend 1-2 times a month with large amounts. Otherwise, nothing other than 1-2 pours a week (we have a weekly bourbon meetup). I drink far less regularly than nearly all of my friends. They already invite me all the time and I say no, because i'd rather not drink

Wastinglife

I am absolutely certain we have all been in your situation. It's a struggle! My family is full of alcoholics. I didn't realize I was an alcoholic until about 30 years old. 43 now and coming to terms that I have to stop drinking. I will die if I don't. My mother died last year because of her drinking. It's time to sober up!

Steely

I dunno Revel. Binge drinking once a fortnight can cause really big problems too, particularly if you have existing health problems.

It sounds like you are drinking too much to me. "Weekend Warrior"......"large amounts" at the concerts....."bourbon nights".....all sound a bit dodgey to me And I'm not a member of the Temperance Society.

The bit that has me thinking is your putting alcohol/lifestyle before your health. You are still feeling crap 2 weeks after last encounter. How fun is that?

You can have a good time without alcohol Revel, you just don't know it yet, because you haven't tried.

If stopping is not the problem, then really, like everyone else we have to start to engage in life without alcohol. It's a learning process. Give it a bat.

It's sometimes very interesting to observe the drunken revellers when stone cold sober. Those fun people can be pretty boring in the cold light of day, but the music's still good.

August252015

Glad you are here and asking. Really good comments above. I'll just add that a good idea is probably to read around the forums and look for topics related to stuff like:

How Much Were you drinking? - there's a recent one on that. At this point, you're doing comparisons to your friends, so maybe that will be useful.

How does the body repair- recent one on this too. Healing is a big deal, big and small ways. Alcohol abuse affects...everything from skin to toenails.

Anything with friends or social life or similar in the title

Perhaps look into a book like Living Sober- it describes the firs year of sobriety well. I was a near death case by the end; my now husband was a much less "severe" drinker in quantity but...we're both alcoholics. He recalls I told him at our first lunch, when he was a month sober and I was 4 1/2, that "everything is better sober." He said he didn't quite believe me but wanted to find out more.

Turns out, I was right for both of us, just like plenty of people who had told me that when I quit.

At the end of the day, putting labels aside - "what is alcohol doing to your life?" seems to be a question you've already answered, and it's not good. It's up to each of us to decide how good we want our lives to be and plenty of folks, alcoholics or not, find that we are way better off without it.

Good luck.

REVELATEXFORM

LOL well, the bourbon nights are truly...a sip...I have to work the next day :p

Agree with the rest.

Dee74

Hi and welcome REVELATEXFORM

Some great advice above

My story is kinda like Carls - my social life was based on drinking and drinking. I was terrified to give that up - but by the time I did I was drinking alone at home anyway cos that was less embarrassing.

Foe me my drinking was like a bus that suddenly became an express and I couldn't get off.

I realise it's hard to relate to that where you are, but once alcohol starts eating away at your health its in your interests to ring the bell and get off at the next stop.

I thought my life would be nothing with alcohol - in fact it's busier, richer and more active than it ever was a a drinker.

I'll admit that not many of my drinking buddies stuck around when I quit, but my real friends did - and I made lots more.

Its not drinking for the win all the way for me.

D