Somewhat of a new guy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 13
Somewhat of a new guy
Seem to find myself posting here once a year. Deep down i knew my drinking was trending on being harmful. Growing up i did not enjoy drinking. I enjoyed life, getting up early and working out, running, going for walks, hunting, fishing, golf, reading, hiking, eating right. Being in shape and healthy was my most important priority.
Over the years i started drinking in the evenings. It started slowly a few beers a night. Then progressed to wine over the last few years. I went from one big glass a night to two big glasses a night.. to two and a half and even three.
My wake up call was my last blood work. For the first time ever I had issues with my profile. My triglycerides were 170 and i saw a massive spike in cholesterol from 180-256. My liver enzymes were also slightly elevated.
I also saw a picture of myself from a promotion ceremony. I was in shock at how crappy my face looked. I saw lines, wrinkles, dry skin, puffy eyes.... i looked like hell. I essentially snapped on myself. I stopped drinking, started going to bed at 730pm... started meal prepping, hyrdrating, and working out harder than ever.
I regained my passion for the things that kept me away from booze in my 20's. I started getting back into hunting and fishing. I started rebuilding relationships with people i shut out for years. I am looking at myself every day and seeing my body improve and look better and better.
I am on 3 weeks of being pretty much sober. I had a glass of wine last weekend and woke up pissed for even having it. For the first time since i can remember i am more excited to sleep, eat and working out than having my nightly drink. I have had some stressful moments at work in those 3 weeks and did not fall into the trap of having that nightly poison to forget. I am hoping this is it and i found my old self.
Over the years i started drinking in the evenings. It started slowly a few beers a night. Then progressed to wine over the last few years. I went from one big glass a night to two big glasses a night.. to two and a half and even three.
My wake up call was my last blood work. For the first time ever I had issues with my profile. My triglycerides were 170 and i saw a massive spike in cholesterol from 180-256. My liver enzymes were also slightly elevated.
I also saw a picture of myself from a promotion ceremony. I was in shock at how crappy my face looked. I saw lines, wrinkles, dry skin, puffy eyes.... i looked like hell. I essentially snapped on myself. I stopped drinking, started going to bed at 730pm... started meal prepping, hyrdrating, and working out harder than ever.
I regained my passion for the things that kept me away from booze in my 20's. I started getting back into hunting and fishing. I started rebuilding relationships with people i shut out for years. I am looking at myself every day and seeing my body improve and look better and better.
I am on 3 weeks of being pretty much sober. I had a glass of wine last weekend and woke up pissed for even having it. For the first time since i can remember i am more excited to sleep, eat and working out than having my nightly drink. I have had some stressful moments at work in those 3 weeks and did not fall into the trap of having that nightly poison to forget. I am hoping this is it and i found my old self.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I learned here and on the www that boozing has ever increasing destructive implications.
I was at your stage of ability to quit for 3 weeks when I was in my 20s. Physically, I seemed to bounce right back.
Back then just a few days of not drinking and my 5k times were back on track and my bench press was near my PR.
So it was ok to have a few drinks over the next 3 months. I bounced right back.
What was also going on was mental addiction. Dopamine alteration.
I didn't know this for 45 years of off and on drinking.
It has taken 5 years worth of education and suffering to feel pretty normal most of the time. I am still learning how to cope with life sober.
Sr and AAmeetings are huge. I have to hang around like minded people. If i hang with drinkers, i will relapse.
Drinking was a learned behavior I have unlearned and I will never drink again.
Anything else is the av tricking me.
Thanks.
I was at your stage of ability to quit for 3 weeks when I was in my 20s. Physically, I seemed to bounce right back.
Back then just a few days of not drinking and my 5k times were back on track and my bench press was near my PR.
So it was ok to have a few drinks over the next 3 months. I bounced right back.
What was also going on was mental addiction. Dopamine alteration.
I didn't know this for 45 years of off and on drinking.
It has taken 5 years worth of education and suffering to feel pretty normal most of the time. I am still learning how to cope with life sober.
Sr and AAmeetings are huge. I have to hang around like minded people. If i hang with drinkers, i will relapse.
Drinking was a learned behavior I have unlearned and I will never drink again.
Anything else is the av tricking me.
Thanks.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Machine528 
I am hoping this is it and i found my old self.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
This can be it. And you can find your old self. It's up to you.
As you first handedly experienced alcoholism is progressive, as with your wine consumption increasing.
My progression led me to drinking shooters of whiskey at 8am in the end days.
You're wise to observe this in yourself before it's two bottles of wine a night instead of two glasses.
You got a wake-up call with your blood tests. I'm glad you're learning from it and it's inspiring you to redouble you efforts, and give you a tangible reason, to stop drinking all the more.
Best to you and I hope you stick around here.
I hope you do get back to enjoying the things you previously did without alcohol in the equation. It's a great life living sober for this alcoholic. I wish the same for you.
As you first handedly experienced alcoholism is progressive, as with your wine consumption increasing.
My progression led me to drinking shooters of whiskey at 8am in the end days.
You're wise to observe this in yourself before it's two bottles of wine a night instead of two glasses.
You got a wake-up call with your blood tests. I'm glad you're learning from it and it's inspiring you to redouble you efforts, and give you a tangible reason, to stop drinking all the more.
Best to you and I hope you stick around here.
I hope you do get back to enjoying the things you previously did without alcohol in the equation. It's a great life living sober for this alcoholic. I wish the same for you.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
See if you can set yourself a goal like a year without touching a drop. That will help with the one glass of wine thing.
Once a year's up, you'll want to continue. At least that was what happened with me. The thought of going back to drinking fills me with horror.
Once a year's up, you'll want to continue. At least that was what happened with me. The thought of going back to drinking fills me with horror.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
You are doing really well Machine. It is such a progressive awful thing. You pick up one drink and there goes another year. Insanity. I'm glad you are here. I am very new living in Day 64 today, but I had no sober time at all, ever, in the 30+ years prior to that. We don't drink anymore Machine. Simple as that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 13
Like others have said it is a slippery slope and you cannot see how far down until it is almost too late. What i found myself doing was finding more extreme cases to make myself feel better. So if i was drinking a bottle and a half of wine a night i would find someone that drank 2-3.... or a 5th of vodka or jack.
I have never felt so good. When i drank i was still concerned about my fitness and never wanted to put weight on. So i would eat very little so i could consume my 1000 plus calories of alcohol a night. My workouts felt like garbage, i felt like garbage, i would wake up every morning feeling like 100 years old. I wake up at 4 am and actually feel good and look forward to the day.
I have never felt so good. When i drank i was still concerned about my fitness and never wanted to put weight on. So i would eat very little so i could consume my 1000 plus calories of alcohol a night. My workouts felt like garbage, i felt like garbage, i would wake up every morning feeling like 100 years old. I wake up at 4 am and actually feel good and look forward to the day.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
The mornings are worth their weight in gold, aren't they Machine?
Unfortunately I am here to tell you that it is possible to drink a bottle or two of wine per night . . . AND a 5th of vodka. The list of us drinking far more than you is endless in this drinking world we live in. A great example of your AV causing trouble and seeing AV logic where there is none.
Unfortunately I am here to tell you that it is possible to drink a bottle or two of wine per night . . . AND a 5th of vodka. The list of us drinking far more than you is endless in this drinking world we live in. A great example of your AV causing trouble and seeing AV logic where there is none.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Kerry, Ireland
Posts: 2,706
Welcome and hope you stick with it because it's nearly assured that you'll start to look better once you're sober for a while. My face was a bloated, puffy red mess when drinking.
Also, your liver enzymes will go back to within normal ranges after a while....provided you stay sober! Good luck.
Also, your liver enzymes will go back to within normal ranges after a while....provided you stay sober! Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by Surrendered19
The mornings are worth their weight in gold, aren't they Machine?
Unfortunately I am here to tell you that it is possible to drink a bottle or two of wine per night . . . AND a 5th of vodka. The list of us drinking far more than you is endless in this drinking world we live in. A great example of your AV causing trouble and seeing AV logic where there is none.
Unfortunately I am here to tell you that it is possible to drink a bottle or two of wine per night . . . AND a 5th of vodka. The list of us drinking far more than you is endless in this drinking world we live in. A great example of your AV causing trouble and seeing AV logic where there is none.
The feeling i have in the morning is probably the strongest thing pushing me to not drink again. It is almost euphoric when i wake up now. Drinking i would wake up with a sense of dread and absolute panic about any problems my day would bring. Almost like i could not cope with any issues presented to me. Sober i do not care... my attitude is much different and i feel zero stress on my rides into work. I also love looking in the mirror and not seeing that droopy, puffy, tired face anymore.
I was on my way to that. Some nights esp during a hard week i would down 1-2 bottles of wine and move onto beer.... and started saying maybe i need more. I would wake up hating myself and my day would be spent trying to recover. It was insanity.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Alcohol abuse/ alcoholism is a one way ticket to death. The only question is how and when and to what degree of drama.
Worse... all the time and energy and resources and effort that gets wasted managing it all.
No sir, I don't miss it one bit.
You can do it if you want. But for a good while just be focused and content not drinking. That's plenty for a bit.
-B
Worse... all the time and energy and resources and effort that gets wasted managing it all.
No sir, I don't miss it one bit.
You can do it if you want. But for a good while just be focused and content not drinking. That's plenty for a bit.
-B
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 13
Just posting that I am at 4 weeks now ! I went out last night with my friends and enjoyed socializing with people (something that has been missing for the last decade) I literally talked to everyone and my one friend even made a comment about the change in my personality.
I was not fat by any means but in 4 weeks i have gone from 230lbs to 220 without much effort. I am actually making progress in the gym again rather than the feeling of staying afloat and simply burning the excess calories from booze.
One problem is sleep ! It is driving me insane. I always woke up early and i try and go to bed around 830-9pm. I find myself waking up at 11pm, 2am, 4am.... every single night. sometimes at 2 am... i feel completely awake and just get up. Is this normal and will this pass ?
I was not fat by any means but in 4 weeks i have gone from 230lbs to 220 without much effort. I am actually making progress in the gym again rather than the feeling of staying afloat and simply burning the excess calories from booze.
One problem is sleep ! It is driving me insane. I always woke up early and i try and go to bed around 830-9pm. I find myself waking up at 11pm, 2am, 4am.... every single night. sometimes at 2 am... i feel completely awake and just get up. Is this normal and will this pass ?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Your sleep will be one of the last things to normalize. Sometimes it takes a year. I don't fight that at all because it can be really frustrating. If I'm awake for the day at 3 a.m., I just get up and enjoy the hours to myself. The whole world around me is sleeping, nothing open, a cup of coffee and some music and hop on this site. I LOVE those hours very much.
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