adamq1981

So I'm just a few days short being sober of alcohol and I feel so good physically and mentally most of the time and I'm very proud to have come so far but the past few days I've felt more lonley than usual ive realized I dont have any freinds anymore since I quit drinking and I honestly have no idea how to make freinds or where to go to male freinds since in my area bars are the main social areas so I've felt really anxious latley

Dee74

Hi and welcome adam

I lost a lot of my fiends too when I got sober. What I did was I reconnected with old friends who weren't the heavy drinkers I was hanging with by the end, I got back into hobbies and interests and met people that way...

I even did some community volunteering to feel productive and get a little human contact again.

3 months is great - but it gets better Adam, I promise

Gottalife

I had lost all my friends, the last about three months before I recovered. Life when I dropped into AA consisted mainly of loneliness and misery. I remember very well the three month or ninety day mark in recovery. My sponsor called to tell me I was three months sober. I was amazed. I had started off to do the 90 meetings in 90 day challenge ( I have seen a few people make 90 days and drink to celebrate) but somehow it transformed into 12 steps in 12 weeks.

The day my sponsor rang I suddenly realized everything had changed. The world looked different. And my friends began to return. My oldest friend, still quite a drinker and who had banned me from his life just six months earlier, actually lent me some money to buy a car so I could get to meetings more easily, because hes saw before I did, the change in me. I paid him back too!

I lost all my friends through drinking, but can't think of a single one I lost because I was sober.

Reid82

Congrats and welcome to SR.

fishkiller

Welcome Adam

I too have few friends. The ones I do have are kinda far away so I don't see them much.
I am not anti-social really I just don't connect with many people.

Wish I could help in the friend department but at least I can tell you you are not alone in the alone department.

Cityboy

Something I realize is that I have been one of the worst in my circles of friends about bringing large amounts of alchohol into any and all situations.

tomls

I think a lot of people that I thought were my friends were people with the same illness that I have. The "birds of a feather" thing. You are doing great! It takes time to adjust.

adamq1981

Thanks for all the well wishes I never thought id make it three months being sober.I think alot of my problem with freinds is everyone I hung out with were drinking buddies and now that I'm,sober I realized I didnt really have anything in common with any of them and they made me feel worthless anyway I walked away from Facebook because I realized none of them were actual freinds and its kind of a trigger since people can't be positive.Ive been talking to my best freind some latley but we had a falling out when he chose drugs and a woman over our freindship and she killed herself and alot of bad stuff came out of it he wants to see me but I'm,worried it will drive me to drink out of stress

least

Welcome to the family.

Dee74

Yeah I wouldn't meet up with that friend right now Adam.

D

adamq1981

we used to be close as brothers but he got strung out on meth and they were a horribly toxic couple je abandoned me when my mom died and I really went down the hole of alcoholism when hia old lady killed herself he was accused of her murder but charges were dropped and now that hes out weve barely spoken I want my brother back but there is such deep deep wounds now

PhoenixJ

Welcome Adam. For me- I see recovery like a battery running my life. If the battery goes flat- especially on the very stressful days- it needs recharging....often, daily. That means SR, counsellor, GP, psychologist, meetings- making myself socialize with humans and not isolating...rinse/repeat.

Support to you.

adamq1981

I just can't ask for help I've been proud of myself for being able to get sober without meetings or counseling kind of like self healing in a way

Dee74

If your pride stops or hinders you from getting better it's not an asset.

I was proud too - but we can change and grow as human beings.
I now see it as a kind of strength to ask for help when I need it.

D

adamq1981

it's not all pride I honestly don't know anyone who doesn't drink or do drugs and kind of worry about relapsing if I go around old acquaintances

Cityboy

Just throwing this out there Adam. Take up a hobby you think you might like. Golf - you don't have to be good to have fun doing it. Remote operated planes - a guy I used to work with had quite a collection and loved it, including a 1/4? scale F4U Corsair which I thought was awesome. Or of course pick up a small boat and take up fishing, you might be the next Mike Iaconelli.

PhoenixJ

Pride comes before the fall, Adam. I tried for years to get sober with willpower. Addiction does not work that way- I need daily support- here, meetings (not everyday), GP, counselling, journal, research etcetc.

brighterday1234

DriGuy

Join a recovery group like AA or something similar. You will make friends. Such groups get together for coffee and other sober outside activities. These kinds of friends are very important in your stage of recovery, not just as friends, although they are that, but also as people that understand you and want you to succeed.

Dee74

I didn't think I knew anybody like that either but the longer I've stayed sober the more I find 'fellow travellers'.

Its scary to take that leap of faith into something so unknown - but lots of us here have taken the leap and it's not only turned out ok , it's turned out great

I thought sober me would be ostracised and have to spend my days at home alone - but ironically thats exactly what ended up happened to me with my drinking anyway

I was far more lonely and on the fringes of society as a drinker than I've ever been as a sober person.