Not again today you have got to be kidding me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Not again today you have got to be kidding me
Day 47!
Planned to drink again!
I have been going to a meeting every day. Posting on this board and praying.
Starting last Sunday I have wanted to drink every day. It is getting very scary. I googled the burger joint restaurant that serves booze today to see what time they opened... HUH?? Thats where I had my heart set on going (out of the blue) never even go inthere-
anyhow by the grace of God I bumped into TWO people I went to HS with at the convenient store
One just lost his son a few weeks ago. I have been thinking of him and I am glad I was able to give him a hug Sober. Not smelling like Alcohol.
The other girl in the store we chatted awhile and again. I could hold my head up and converse without anxiety, shaking, smelling like booze. I was showered and looked nice.
afterward on my way to burger joint of course for booze not a burger-conserving $ without an income at the moment.. I thought about how grateful I was to be alcohol free at 11A (For me to realize this is a big deal ) (HP)?? Especially bumping into HS peeps .I took a detour and went to a deli and indulged in a Pastrami Reuben sandwich and hot french fries -and hit a meeting.
I hope tomorrow there is no obsession. I will pray. I need to pray as well because I did get the p/t job I really wanted (thank you all for the support) now I have to go through a background check. Nothing major against me but a lot of shame. My drinking has caused chaos in the past.
Let go and Let God- just BE!!!
Planned to drink again!
I have been going to a meeting every day. Posting on this board and praying.
Starting last Sunday I have wanted to drink every day. It is getting very scary. I googled the burger joint restaurant that serves booze today to see what time they opened... HUH?? Thats where I had my heart set on going (out of the blue) never even go inthere-
anyhow by the grace of God I bumped into TWO people I went to HS with at the convenient store
One just lost his son a few weeks ago. I have been thinking of him and I am glad I was able to give him a hug Sober. Not smelling like Alcohol.
The other girl in the store we chatted awhile and again. I could hold my head up and converse without anxiety, shaking, smelling like booze. I was showered and looked nice.
afterward on my way to burger joint of course for booze not a burger-conserving $ without an income at the moment.. I thought about how grateful I was to be alcohol free at 11A (For me to realize this is a big deal ) (HP)?? Especially bumping into HS peeps .I took a detour and went to a deli and indulged in a Pastrami Reuben sandwich and hot french fries -and hit a meeting.
I hope tomorrow there is no obsession. I will pray. I need to pray as well because I did get the p/t job I really wanted (thank you all for the support) now I have to go through a background check. Nothing major against me but a lot of shame. My drinking has caused chaos in the past.
Let go and Let God- just BE!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I went through periods like that too Faith - unfortunately when we stop drinking life doesn't stop throwing situations or feelings at us that we used to drink over.
I had to hang on to my faith in others here who said I'd get past this so long as I stayed sober - it would not always be this hard - and they were right
maybe reach out to someone at your meetings? they should be able to help some more?
Congrats on the job!
I wouldn't waste any more time on negative emotions about it - someone is giving you, the real you, a chance.
That's exciting stuff
D
I had to hang on to my faith in others here who said I'd get past this so long as I stayed sober - it would not always be this hard - and they were right
maybe reach out to someone at your meetings? they should be able to help some more?
Congrats on the job!
I wouldn't waste any more time on negative emotions about it - someone is giving you, the real you, a chance.
That's exciting stuff
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Thank you Dee. I do have to tell people I am experiencing a burning desire.
Sometimes I am not-
Thank you for letting me know that you went through it too and its bound to happen. I feel like "I am planning to relapse" which I am. Its scaring me.
I just do not drink period. Came to mind today. I know if I can stick to the not drinking I can get more confidence. Some of the old timers say- when I only had a couple of months sober ..I was crying, I was clueless, I was lost, I didn't think I could do it... I am like hey!! (to myself) 2 months SOBER is a LOT of time???? what do you mean you were a mess still..? That is just where I am at.
Its a double edge sword for me. I need to respect any time I have and allow myself to be a mess . Get through it. Thank you again for the support Dee
Sometimes I am not-
Thank you for letting me know that you went through it too and its bound to happen. I feel like "I am planning to relapse" which I am. Its scaring me.
I just do not drink period. Came to mind today. I know if I can stick to the not drinking I can get more confidence. Some of the old timers say- when I only had a couple of months sober ..I was crying, I was clueless, I was lost, I didn't think I could do it... I am like hey!! (to myself) 2 months SOBER is a LOT of time???? what do you mean you were a mess still..? That is just where I am at.
Its a double edge sword for me. I need to respect any time I have and allow myself to be a mess . Get through it. Thank you again for the support Dee
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Originally Posted by Awake61 
I had a sharp desire to drink today. Kept thinking about my last drunk. Lasted about 20 minutes. I will be laying a sober head down tonight too. Thank you for your shares!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
faith. Have Faith.
Those, "I want," thoughts are going to come. It happened to me for months, more than two months. I still have moments, and I'm at nearly six years. I just don't drink, it's not an option, ever.
It's just a matter of doing the next right thing, like you did. Over and over. Until your Go-To response to every life event or non-event isn't, "drink." Until the habits are replaced.
Until until until. However long it takes. I don't know for a fact that the thoughts of having a drink ever completely go away - they might - but I just don't drink, no matter what silly crazy thoughts my mind conjures up. The thoughts always pass. I don't grab on to them any more...I just acknowledge and move on.
Well done.
I believe your prayers were answered.
Congrats on the job, too.
Those, "I want," thoughts are going to come. It happened to me for months, more than two months. I still have moments, and I'm at nearly six years. I just don't drink, it's not an option, ever.
It's just a matter of doing the next right thing, like you did. Over and over. Until your Go-To response to every life event or non-event isn't, "drink." Until the habits are replaced.
Until until until. However long it takes. I don't know for a fact that the thoughts of having a drink ever completely go away - they might - but I just don't drink, no matter what silly crazy thoughts my mind conjures up. The thoughts always pass. I don't grab on to them any more...I just acknowledge and move on.
Well done.
I believe your prayers were answered.
Congrats on the job, too.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
I'm glad you both made it through! Congratulations! Congratulations on the P/T job, faith. That will be so nice to have something different to do and nice to have some income coming in. It will also be a huge confidence builder.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
It sucks but it is normal. I had same issues in the first 3 months.
And meetings aren't a treatment for alcoholism, the steps are. So if the meetings you are doing aren't focused on getting through the steps, find the ones that are.
Stick it out it is going to be worth it 👍
And meetings aren't a treatment for alcoholism, the steps are. So if the meetings you are doing aren't focused on getting through the steps, find the ones that are.
Stick it out it is going to be worth it 👍
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
Congratulations on the job.
You lived a major sober and recovering experience ( a bunch really).
Take it and pocket the learning. Some day it will help you again, and have you helping others.
3 months and l am on a pendulum. But I'm making the right decisions.
You lived a major sober and recovering experience ( a bunch really).
Take it and pocket the learning. Some day it will help you again, and have you helping others.
3 months and l am on a pendulum. But I'm making the right decisions.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
You guys ROCK -thank you for all the responses. Its so helpful I am not alone.
Yes I like to work the steps. Looking for a sponsor.
Thank you again.
X
Bimini Blue 6 years awesome
Wiscober- 3 months is terrific!! Isn't wonderful to have time under your belt even before the new year! We only have 24 hours. But it feels good to be doing the hard work . It be so easy for my AV to say oh its ok to start 1/1/2020-new year-new decade-
I do a life time of damage drinking within an hour ! I may never get another chance to "start"
Yes I like to work the steps. Looking for a sponsor.
Thank you again.
X
Bimini Blue 6 years awesome
Wiscober- 3 months is terrific!! Isn't wonderful to have time under your belt even before the new year! We only have 24 hours. But it feels good to be doing the hard work . It be so easy for my AV to say oh its ok to start 1/1/2020-new year-new decade-
I do a life time of damage drinking within an hour ! I may never get another chance to "start"
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Brilliant way to say 'no' to drinking, Faith. We have to remain ever vigilant against the irrationality and cravings. I will have four years sober on the 23rd and the thought still enters my mind. Two weeks ago I had a rough time in my math class-literally sobbing at being unable to grasp a concept, and I thought "why not? You suck anyway; who cares--have a drink." But I realized this is a lie, and to give in would only make matters worse and lead to horrifying guilt and shame. So I didn't. With longer-term sobriety I believe it gets easier to say "no way," but the thoughts will always be lurking, waiting for us to waver and weaken in our resolve. You're doing great; keep it up, and congratulations on your job!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
Congrats on not pulling the trigger and boozing . smart choice. See that? Choice. AV be doing push ups waiting for the chance to spin you out of control. I am going to lean on a power greater than you is guiding you. Good job. ✌
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
happy for you that you got the job, faith.
and very happy for you and your HS friend that they got to have a sober, genuine hug from you.
it is doing the step stuff that is the suggested solution to the obsession.....so, how about you may “feel” like you are planning to relapse, but put into action a plan NOT to relapse?
and very happy for you and your HS friend that they got to have a sober, genuine hug from you.
it is doing the step stuff that is the suggested solution to the obsession.....so, how about you may “feel” like you are planning to relapse, but put into action a plan NOT to relapse?
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