My husband is drinking again
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 771
My husband is drinking again
I’m not asking for advice on dealing with a drinking spouse; I’ve been sober since January, and I did it with him drinking right in front of me every single day, until he quit about 3 months ago or so.
I was supportive and all that, but I was reluctant to get my hopes up. After all, it took me several attempts before I stayed sober for any length of time.
Anyway, I saw his bottle of scotch hidden in his closet. He’s being sneaky about it, but I can always tell when he’s been drinking. I don’t think I want to say anything, because I kind of like not having to see it all the time, and if he’s having to sneak it I don’t think he drinks as much. Maybe he’ll try to quit again, who knows.
I guess I’m just venting a little. It won’t affect my sobriety; I’ve learned not to count on what other people are doing/not doing. It just kind of sucks. Having a booze-free home was nice while it lasted.
I was supportive and all that, but I was reluctant to get my hopes up. After all, it took me several attempts before I stayed sober for any length of time.
Anyway, I saw his bottle of scotch hidden in his closet. He’s being sneaky about it, but I can always tell when he’s been drinking. I don’t think I want to say anything, because I kind of like not having to see it all the time, and if he’s having to sneak it I don’t think he drinks as much. Maybe he’ll try to quit again, who knows.
I guess I’m just venting a little. It won’t affect my sobriety; I’ve learned not to count on what other people are doing/not doing. It just kind of sucks. Having a booze-free home was nice while it lasted.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
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Congrats on your Sobriety. Keep going . You will hit milestones. Feel healthier and handle life much better. I am sure you will be a power of example . I hope he will want what you have. Thank goodness this will not effect your progress. You deserve to feel and live the best life possible for yourself. So happy for all your Sober days and going forward. You will be able to help others to show it is possible to put your sobriety first.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
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Ahh Bonnie that sucks. We're all here for you, of course.
I can't remember if you've mentioned it, but do you have IRL sober support? You said you're used to having your husband drink in front of you, but I'm sure a little extra support couldn't hurt.
Either way, more power to you. You're doing great.
I can't remember if you've mentioned it, but do you have IRL sober support? You said you're used to having your husband drink in front of you, but I'm sure a little extra support couldn't hurt.
Either way, more power to you. You're doing great.
I am very glad you're not letting it affect your sobriety. 
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Originally Posted by dpac414 
Ahh Bonnie that sucks. We're all here for you, of course.
I can't remember if you've mentioned it, but do you have IRL sober support? You said you're used to having your husband drink in front of you, but I'm sure a little extra support couldn't hurt.
Either way, more power to you. You're doing great.
I can't remember if you've mentioned it, but do you have IRL sober support? You said you're used to having your husband drink in front of you, but I'm sure a little extra support couldn't hurt.
Either way, more power to you. You're doing great.
This is probably ridiculous, but I don’t go because my family and I are all on this location sharing app, and I don’t feel like explaining myself. Maybe I can figure something out.
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Originally Posted by Mango212
Perhaps leave your phone at home?
It's okay, and quite a good healthy action, to reach out for help and expand our support networks. Calling an AA phone number could provide contacts to talk about this with.
It's okay, and quite a good healthy action, to reach out for help and expand our support networks. Calling an AA phone number could provide contacts to talk about this with.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
MY SO drinks, sometimes a lot. We don't live together, so there's no alcohol in my house, but he does drink in front of me all the time. He stops every year on January 1, and usually goes for a couple of months before picking up again. He never intends for these stoppages to be permanent, But the past couple of years he has gone longer and and has mentioned that some year he will just stay stopped. I am not holding my breath. The first year I was sober, I was hoping and wishing more than anything that he would not start again. I was newly sober and it was so nice to have him sober with me. I was pretty crushed when he started again. I quickly realized that I was placing expectations on him that I should not. His drinking is his, not mine. His periods of not drinking are also his. I nearly ruined our relationship that first year by saying things about wishing he'd just quit. I got way too invested in him staying sober. He's going to stay sober if and when he's good and ready to. It's my choice whether or not to be with him as a drinker. I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish he'd stop for good, for his own sake (and a little bit for mine) but I also realize that it could really drive a wedge between us if I get hung up on it. My sobriety is what matters most to me (and him, actually - he's one of my biggest sobriety supports, oddly enough). I'll just keep being a sober example and doing my thing.
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That’s exactly how I look at it, MLD. My husband is a wonderful man, and I’m glad to have him in my life. He doesn’t get wasted out of his mind (at least not usually, and it’s been a long time), he doesn’t get mean, and he doesn’t do anything high risk, such as driving under the influence. If his drinking ever gets to that point, I’ll have a decision to make. But for the sake of my own sanity and sobriety, I don’t try to control anyone but me.
Anyway, our relationship has already improved a lot since I’ve gotten sober. After all, it takes two to have a stupid, drunken argument. 😂
Thanks for sharing about your SO; it’s always good to hear from others who can relate. All we can do is stay sober and be an example for others. That’s not a bad thing.
Anyway, our relationship has already improved a lot since I’ve gotten sober. After all, it takes two to have a stupid, drunken argument. 😂
Thanks for sharing about your SO; it’s always good to hear from others who can relate. All we can do is stay sober and be an example for others. That’s not a bad thing.
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Originally Posted by Bonniefloyd
I went to an AA meeting back when I made a sad attempt at sobriety in 2012. I wouldn’t mind trying it again because although I’m not that interested in the steps, etc, I do like being around people and I think it would be helpful.
This is probably ridiculous, but I don’t go because my family and I are all on this location sharing app, and I don’t feel like explaining myself. Maybe I can figure something out.
No one needs to know where I am 24/7 - that includes family. That would drive me insane.
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Originally Posted by ThatWasTheOldMe
Can you delete the app from your phone?
No one needs to know where I am 24/7 - that includes family. That would drive me insane.
No one needs to know where I am 24/7 - that includes family. That would drive me insane.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
I would 100% get rid of that app. That seems really intrusive and frankly, odd to me. I assume there was a valid reason for having it at one point in time, so I can't judge your situation, but that would be a big fat no in my family. When my daughter was a wild teenager doing god knows what I might have wanted to see what she was up to, but even then, I was probably better off not knowing, and she grew up and out of that behavior on her own without me being the bad cop.
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