Anyone deal with this? If so, how? (Fomo/Social)
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 453
Originally Posted by GreatInquiry7 
And because I'm relatively young, I feel like i'm missing out on parts of life that are once in a life time - aka can't go back and do them because of all of this.
I got sober when I was 40. I have few regrets in life, but I really wish I had gotten sober when I was much younger. I wasted many years in an alcoholic stupor. I enjoy my life now, but I feel like I missed out on parts of life that are once in a lifetime--because I was too drunk.
I'd reframe your FOMO--alcohol will make you miss out on far more than sobriety will. Something to consider.
Best wishes to you!
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Join Date: Aug 2015
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Originally Posted by CupofJoe
I'd reframe your FOMO--alcohol will make you miss out on far more than sobriety will. Something to consider.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
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Lots of good advice here. Although no one is saying it I just want to mention that I think it's not helpful when people ignore the social losses that one experiences when they put down alcohol. I'm in my early forties, with a wife who drinks responsibly with friends, and there are certainly times that I feel like an outsider and that it's not easy being a person who doesn't drink. That said, I owe everything positive in my life to my sobriety. And I'll just echo what many people have said here and that's that I don't think one of us who got sober in our forties or beyond wouldn't trade so many of our drunken years to have gotten sober earlier in life.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
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Originally Posted by Dee74
Any 'social losses' I endured in early recovery I've recovered now though.
I have a more active social life now that I ever had as a drinker.
D
I have a more active social life now that I ever had as a drinker.
D
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Location: Australia
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I'm just sharing my experience Less - not much point in me sharing your experience or vice versa
Just as you feel it's important to acknowledge your sense of loss, I think it's important newcomers know there are those of us who have come to feel no sense of loss?
D
Just as you feel it's important to acknowledge your sense of loss, I think it's important newcomers know there are those of us who have come to feel no sense of loss?
D
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Join Date: Nov 2018
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There is probably a correlation between feeling a sense of loss in sobriety and relapse.
I can't tell you that you should stop feeling a sense of loss, and I couldn't tell you how to do it. I can't remember ever wanting to get rid of my sense of loss. It was never there. I have felt nothing but gratitude for my escape from the nightmare alcohol had become.
I can't tell you that you should stop feeling a sense of loss, and I couldn't tell you how to do it. I can't remember ever wanting to get rid of my sense of loss. It was never there. I have felt nothing but gratitude for my escape from the nightmare alcohol had become.
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You make a good point Less. I'm like Dee tho.
I never felt a sense of loss, nor do I, at not drinking or how I have been blessed to choose to socialize in my recovery. It's def individual and I think you are right- whatever we honestly feel we need to acknowledge!
I never felt a sense of loss, nor do I, at not drinking or how I have been blessed to choose to socialize in my recovery. It's def individual and I think you are right- whatever we honestly feel we need to acknowledge!
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by Dee74
I'm just sharing my experience Less - not much point in me sharing your experience or vice versa
Just as you feel it's important to acknowledge your sense of loss, I think it's important newcomers know there are those of us who have come to feel no sense of loss?
D
Just as you feel it's important to acknowledge your sense of loss, I think it's important newcomers know there are those of us who have come to feel no sense of loss?
D
For me, it's not as if I have even a thought of trading my sobriety to feel a part of the group or join in on social engagements where drinking takes place. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm eternally grateful, so proud and so thankful for everything sobriety has brought me. But I can have two conflicting thoughts in my mind and I do as related to this topic. Sometimes it bothers me. And then it passes. And I'm still living a life of peace, clarity and integrity.
Life is complicated!
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
Originally Posted by lessgravity
For me, it's not as if I have even a thought of trading my sobriety to feel a part of the group or join in on social engagements where drinking takes place. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm eternally grateful, so proud and so thankful for everything sobriety has brought me. But I can have two conflicting thoughts in my mind and I do as related to this topic. Sometimes it bothers me. And then it passes. And I'm still living a life of peace, clarity and integrity.
Life is complicated!
Life is complicated!
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Originally Posted by GreatInquiry7
Hi all...
End of last year until just after the middle of this I had ~10 months. Then I thought I could "drink normally", which ended up in stops and starts of 3-4 day, 1-2 week, 2 day heavy benders. I'm always the one drinking once everyone has stopped.
I caught myself in a free fall after ~1.5 months of that, and now I have 3 months again.
Overall I would say I like sober life a lot better. But as I'm sure many of you have experienced - the big gap in my life is the social and dating aspect which I miss a lot.
Anyway here's the question, "does anyone deal with this", and it's kind of a series of things:
- When friends are going out or having parties, I really want to go but I refuse because I can't drink
- So I don't go, even though I want to and then I have major "fear of missing out" when I know or see them having fun and I'm sitting on the side lines
- This is when I say "maybe I should just drink again", it'll be fine
- When I think about just going and hanging sober, or even when i do (which I do from time to time)... it's just not the same. I feel strange, not fun, self conscious...
So all in all - its a vicious cycle of thought. I want to go out and hang, but don't because I can't drink, and then because I don't I feel the trigger to drink, and then I get even more aggravated with myself because when I eventually do go and don't drink I feel like an outkast, strange, and it's just not fun.
So it leads to feeling lost on the social side of things.
And because I'm relatively young, I feel like i'm missing out on parts of life that are once in a life time - aka can't go back and do them because of all of this.
My bigger goals in life are much better without drinking: financial, business, health, peace of mind - but this is a big issue internally..
Anyway that's really i t- wondering if anyone dealt with or deals with something similar.
Thanks!
End of last year until just after the middle of this I had ~10 months. Then I thought I could "drink normally", which ended up in stops and starts of 3-4 day, 1-2 week, 2 day heavy benders. I'm always the one drinking once everyone has stopped.
I caught myself in a free fall after ~1.5 months of that, and now I have 3 months again.
Overall I would say I like sober life a lot better. But as I'm sure many of you have experienced - the big gap in my life is the social and dating aspect which I miss a lot.
Anyway here's the question, "does anyone deal with this", and it's kind of a series of things:
- When friends are going out or having parties, I really want to go but I refuse because I can't drink
- So I don't go, even though I want to and then I have major "fear of missing out" when I know or see them having fun and I'm sitting on the side lines
- This is when I say "maybe I should just drink again", it'll be fine
- When I think about just going and hanging sober, or even when i do (which I do from time to time)... it's just not the same. I feel strange, not fun, self conscious...
So all in all - its a vicious cycle of thought. I want to go out and hang, but don't because I can't drink, and then because I don't I feel the trigger to drink, and then I get even more aggravated with myself because when I eventually do go and don't drink I feel like an outkast, strange, and it's just not fun.
So it leads to feeling lost on the social side of things.
And because I'm relatively young, I feel like i'm missing out on parts of life that are once in a life time - aka can't go back and do them because of all of this.
My bigger goals in life are much better without drinking: financial, business, health, peace of mind - but this is a big issue internally..
Anyway that's really i t- wondering if anyone dealt with or deals with something similar.
Thanks!
Learning to live sober is not something I grasped in the first few months of sobriety.
I simply gave up some relationships and friendships which always seemed to have drinking as a natural accompaniment to our times together.
I also quit going to places where I always drank (bars, to name just one type of establishment).
I made new friends in recovery.
But I have made some serious sacrifices to get and stay sober.
They were painful and I grieved my losses.
This is just what I had to do to finally get sober.
Sobriety has replaced everything I gave up with relationships which have been much, much better for a drunk like me.
I understand that dating is natural and normal, but, early in recover (certainly in the first year), I would strongly recommend focusing on getting and staying sober than on finding a mate or a buddy.
The opposite (or same, as the case may be) sex isn't going anywhere.
They will be there when you get a very firm grip on recovery.
I would focus much, much more on a plan of recovery (I didn't see in your post that you are following one) than on social and dating plans.
Your desires are normal, but the need to get sober is paramount - it's just that simple.
Keep us posted and good luck with your efforts.
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