Newbie from England
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: England
Posts: 7
Newbie from England
Hi,
I'm here because I really need to make a change. I've been binge drinking for just over 20 years now. For many years I managed to keep this to once a week, but over the past few years it's crept up to at least 3 evenings a week. I always try to stop at a bottle of wine, but I fail at this fairly often and drink until I blackout. One bottle just never feels enough, I basically always want to carry on drinking once I start. I've been trying to moderate for years, but always fail.
I feel a great deal of shame about my issues with alcohol and inability to control it, although I also battle with thinking that it doesn't really matter. I have some issues with my health and anxiety and alcohol is the only thing I've tried that stops me worrying about things. I guess I feel conflicted about it at times. I justify my drinking by saying that life is hard and we should all do what we need to get by (as long as it doesn't affect others detrimentally of course). But then, I really, really hate feeling so pathetic and ill and worrying about how it's affecting my health and memory. I hate being a slave to it.
Anyway, that turned into a bit of a ramble sorry.
I'm here because I really need to make a change. I've been binge drinking for just over 20 years now. For many years I managed to keep this to once a week, but over the past few years it's crept up to at least 3 evenings a week. I always try to stop at a bottle of wine, but I fail at this fairly often and drink until I blackout. One bottle just never feels enough, I basically always want to carry on drinking once I start. I've been trying to moderate for years, but always fail.
I feel a great deal of shame about my issues with alcohol and inability to control it, although I also battle with thinking that it doesn't really matter. I have some issues with my health and anxiety and alcohol is the only thing I've tried that stops me worrying about things. I guess I feel conflicted about it at times. I justify my drinking by saying that life is hard and we should all do what we need to get by (as long as it doesn't affect others detrimentally of course). But then, I really, really hate feeling so pathetic and ill and worrying about how it's affecting my health and memory. I hate being a slave to it.
Anyway, that turned into a bit of a ramble sorry.
Cman
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: Glasgow
Posts: 8
[QUOTE=Dahlie;7289078]Hi,
"I'm here because I really need to make a change. I've been binge drinking for just over 20 years now."
"I feel a great deal of shame about my issues with alcohol"
Hi Dahlie, I hope you're well today.
These sentiments hit home with me as every time I drink, I binge. There hasn't been a happy medium involved since the very early days of drinking in my teen years. It got progressively worse in my twenties, and without fail I suffer some (but usually a lot!) of memory loss on nights out. This fills me with anxiety and stresses me out for days after, and I'll feel depressed for at least 3-4 days.
I'm new here too and just starting my sober journey. After reading around, one bit of important advice that keeps popping up is to 'plan ahead'. I've started to plan activities to 'slow down' my mind during the moments that I feel like I want to drink again (meditation, repeating mantras, going for a jog etc). I've also planned activities to fill evenings with, that I've always wanted to do but never really got around to (attend some local stand-up comedy nights, learn to cook some dishes that I've always wanted to etc).
I hope that this advice works for me, and that maybe you could find it useful too.
Be strong and think positive, we're in this together!
Cman.
"I'm here because I really need to make a change. I've been binge drinking for just over 20 years now."
"I feel a great deal of shame about my issues with alcohol"
Hi Dahlie, I hope you're well today.
These sentiments hit home with me as every time I drink, I binge. There hasn't been a happy medium involved since the very early days of drinking in my teen years. It got progressively worse in my twenties, and without fail I suffer some (but usually a lot!) of memory loss on nights out. This fills me with anxiety and stresses me out for days after, and I'll feel depressed for at least 3-4 days.
I'm new here too and just starting my sober journey. After reading around, one bit of important advice that keeps popping up is to 'plan ahead'. I've started to plan activities to 'slow down' my mind during the moments that I feel like I want to drink again (meditation, repeating mantras, going for a jog etc). I've also planned activities to fill evenings with, that I've always wanted to do but never really got around to (attend some local stand-up comedy nights, learn to cook some dishes that I've always wanted to etc).
I hope that this advice works for me, and that maybe you could find it useful too.
Be strong and think positive, we're in this together!
Cman.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Welcome, Dahlie,
Many of us here, including me, struggle with anxiety issues and have used alcohol to self-medicate. Of course, all that does in the end is to create another problem. I think you may find that your anxiety eases when you stop drinking completely.
There are healthy ways to deal with anxiety and, some good books that offer help.
Amen, Daniel Change Your Brain, Change Your Life
Bassett, Lucinda From Panic to Power
Burns, David MD When Panic Attacks
Chodron, Pema The Places that Scare You
Doidge, Norman MD The Brain that Changes Itself
Dyer, Wayne Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life
Orsilla, Ken Mindful Way Through Anxiety
Many of us here, including me, struggle with anxiety issues and have used alcohol to self-medicate. Of course, all that does in the end is to create another problem. I think you may find that your anxiety eases when you stop drinking completely.
There are healthy ways to deal with anxiety and, some good books that offer help.
Amen, Daniel Change Your Brain, Change Your Life
Bassett, Lucinda From Panic to Power
Burns, David MD When Panic Attacks
Chodron, Pema The Places that Scare You
Doidge, Norman MD The Brain that Changes Itself
Dyer, Wayne Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life
Orsilla, Ken Mindful Way Through Anxiety
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome.
I, too, binge drank for years and it became more and more frequent until I was drinking most every day.
Binge drinking at least three times a week is a lot and something to be concerned about.
Alcoholism ,for me, is progressive.
I hope you can stop now before things get worse, and they will get worse, believe me.
You'll find lots of support here so I hope you stick around.
Best to you.
I, too, binge drank for years and it became more and more frequent until I was drinking most every day.
Binge drinking at least three times a week is a lot and something to be concerned about.
Alcoholism ,for me, is progressive.
I hope you can stop now before things get worse, and they will get worse, believe me.
You'll find lots of support here so I hope you stick around.
Best to you.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Wonderful to meet you, Dahlie.
When I found SR I had been drinking almost 30 yrs. Here, I found the encouragement & strength to finally get free of it. I had always thought of it as a comfort, a friend - yet my dependence on it was destroying me.
The insistence that I could be a social drinker cost me many years of wasted time, & terrible damage was done. I'm so glad we aren't going to sabotage ourselves any more. You can do this....there's no doubt.
When I found SR I had been drinking almost 30 yrs. Here, I found the encouragement & strength to finally get free of it. I had always thought of it as a comfort, a friend - yet my dependence on it was destroying me.
The insistence that I could be a social drinker cost me many years of wasted time, & terrible damage was done. I'm so glad we aren't going to sabotage ourselves any more. You can do this....there's no doubt.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 49
HI Dahlie,
I'm new too and only on Day 4. That is so true that one bottle of wine is never enough! I decided enough is enough. Before this destroys more than just me. Use the tools, have a plan and just don't drink today is all I can offer. Glad to have someone starting this journey with me.
I'm new too and only on Day 4. That is so true that one bottle of wine is never enough! I decided enough is enough. Before this destroys more than just me. Use the tools, have a plan and just don't drink today is all I can offer. Glad to have someone starting this journey with me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK, South Coast
Posts: 605
Hi Dahlie, I'm in the UK too!!
ur story is very similar to mine, it creeps up on u doesn't it. I wish I could have a couple of glasses & be fine with that but it's never enough!!! I have given up many times, I've currently been sober for 11 days & at the moment I'm not missing it....but I know it wont last & that always scares me.
Ur biggest hurdle will be accepting a life of sobriety & not moderation as we cannot moderate, we've tried!!
This place is a great support system with tons of varying experiences, if I can offer 1 bit of advice (I'm telling myself the same) is keep coming here as much as possible!!!
Lou
ur story is very similar to mine, it creeps up on u doesn't it. I wish I could have a couple of glasses & be fine with that but it's never enough!!! I have given up many times, I've currently been sober for 11 days & at the moment I'm not missing it....but I know it wont last & that always scares me.
Ur biggest hurdle will be accepting a life of sobriety & not moderation as we cannot moderate, we've tried!!
This place is a great support system with tons of varying experiences, if I can offer 1 bit of advice (I'm telling myself the same) is keep coming here as much as possible!!!
Lou
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,945
U.K. here too, Dahlie 🙂
The UK culture is just too geared towards drinking, but once you stop for good, it becomes noticeable how boring drinking is and how much more there is to life.
As you probably know, the UK recommended safe alcohol limit is 14 units a week, which equates to about one and a half bottles of wine a week. You will probably find that quantity too small and unsatisfying. I certainly did, but drinking over the limit frequently does increase risk of serious illness dramatically.
Unfortunately, it’s extremely unlikely you’ll be able to moderate yourself to 14 units a week. Like me in the past, you’ve drunk a lot and probably become alcohol dependent. The only way is to quit, which is luckily the easier option. I say easy, but the first few days and weeks are tough. Stick with it and steer clear of all booze. The slightest drop will reset your withdrawal clock. It will get a lot easier I promise 👍
The UK culture is just too geared towards drinking, but once you stop for good, it becomes noticeable how boring drinking is and how much more there is to life.
As you probably know, the UK recommended safe alcohol limit is 14 units a week, which equates to about one and a half bottles of wine a week. You will probably find that quantity too small and unsatisfying. I certainly did, but drinking over the limit frequently does increase risk of serious illness dramatically.
Unfortunately, it’s extremely unlikely you’ll be able to moderate yourself to 14 units a week. Like me in the past, you’ve drunk a lot and probably become alcohol dependent. The only way is to quit, which is luckily the easier option. I say easy, but the first few days and weeks are tough. Stick with it and steer clear of all booze. The slightest drop will reset your withdrawal clock. It will get a lot easier I promise 👍
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: England
Posts: 7
Thank you all for your kindness and good advice. I thought my post might have been a little too annoying/moany and I might not get any replies, so I'm touched.
I think planning some strategies and distractions to deal with the times I decide to drink is key. I'm often dead set on not drinking, but then something goes wrong or I suddenly feel it's pointless and my good intentions go out the window. I know I'm fooling myself though. Learning to cook some new things is a good suggestion, as is coming to this forum for inspiration. I'll get thinking and searching this forum for some others that might work.
I think planning some strategies and distractions to deal with the times I decide to drink is key. I'm often dead set on not drinking, but then something goes wrong or I suddenly feel it's pointless and my good intentions go out the window. I know I'm fooling myself though. Learning to cook some new things is a good suggestion, as is coming to this forum for inspiration. I'll get thinking and searching this forum for some others that might work.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Hi Dahlie. I’m also in the UK. Welcome to SR, it’s a fantastically supportive place. You’re not moaning at all! Post whatever, or wherever you wish. I’m so glad you’re here and looking at ways to improve your health and anxiety, instead of alcohol. I found alcohol was a just a temporary deadening of my mind, and once it wore off, it served only to actually worsen my health and anxiety.....it became a vicious circle......
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