Natom

Hey all,

I'm writing this post because I feel like I need a level of accountability regarding my current situation and this is the best place for me to have it.

For the last 7 days, my drug usage has decreased dramatically and I am currently in a position where I am using approximately 200-225mg of my drug of choice on a daily basis. This represents a significant drop as my regular daily usage would normally be in the range of 600mg-2g. I'd normally have 150-300mg for breakfast, top-up throughout the day and then have 300mg+ after work, followed by more top-ups before sleep. The top-ups throughout the day were to ensure I didn't get sick at work, the top-ups at night were to get high.

In the last month I've had two failed attempts at cold turkey which messed me up psychologically and emotionally. My decreased usage is through external factors rather than personal choice. However, at this point, I will admit it's been a blessing in disguise.

In the last 5 years I haven't been on a dose this low and still been able to function so I'm pretty happy about that. I've also found that on a psychological level I feel more comfortable with dropping down to 0mg from where I am at the moment. 200mg to 0mg seems much more doable than 600mg to 0mg.

My plan is to go from my current 200mg to 0mg over the course of the next seven days (Monday through Sunday). I'll start the week on 150mg, drop to 100mg mid-week and then drop to 50mg for the last few days. By Sunday I hope to be on 0mg and experiencing very minor withdrawal symptoms.

As Harvey Danger once said 'I'm not sick but I'm not well'. Thanks for reading.

Natom

CRRHCC

Good for you in choosing to change your life. My son used Suboxone in a similar fashion. I hope you have some good, "Coping Tools," to deal with the psychological issues that started the drug use.

Perhaps you could journal a paragraph or two here every day on how you are feeling and thinking?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/addict...o-it-yourself/

Natom

I've got some stuff lined up. I'm looking at therapists that specialist in addiction therapy and I'm also going back to NA. I read that article when it came out and I must say I agree with a lot of it's content.

A DIY detox is not my preferred method. Sometimes I think that I should have gone on suboxone or methadone but I know people who've been on them for years and you're never really clean. Admittedly they help to remove a lot of the chaos in a person's life but you're still using a substance to feel right.

So I've got to deal with physical withdrawals and then PAWS. I've researched PAWS and I'm not looking forward to it.

Natom

Ghostlight1

Wishing you the best with your taper. Sounds like you have a good plan.

BackandScared

Good luck with the week ahead Natom. It looks like you have a plan that is working so far. Everything that works must be followed. The withdraway stage seems to be the massive obstacle on your way. I only have experience with cigarettes and alcohol, but the percentage of reduction you are reporting is massive and should make the process of withdrawal much easier next weekend. Let us know how it goes

Coldfusion

Tom, I hope this works for you. It's been a long struggle--the end is in sight!

CRRHCC

The PAWS will be difficult, but if you detox properly the chaos will be minimal. Try and find something that you like, that you value, that you can be engrossed with, that gives you motivation and purpose.

The main navigational tools in life are values and purpose. People overcome hurts, hangups and habits, out of purpose-based motivation (based on values) -- they better themselves when they recognize how their habits, violate who they were, what they want to be, where they want to go in life.

I'm praying for you! You are not powerless to empower yourself with new values and purpose. You have the choice to become a New Creation.

Natom

It really has been a long struggle. I never really felt the phrase 'sick and tired of being sick and tired' but I am just so so tired of it. The constant struggle in everything I do. Having to be high to do anything isn't fun anymore. I'm not even high now. I'm using but I'm just not sick rather than high and that pisses me off.

I would love to be high right now but I can't be and that annoys me.

Natom

Dee74

Best wishes Tom

Soon enough you'll get to a point where the fact you used to want to get high will annoy you

D

Natom

Thanks Dee. Yeah I know I will. I've been there before so many times. Recovery is such a cluster of emotions isn't it. The thing I'm really struggling with at the moment is that I'm still using but I'm not high. I can't take any time off work so I'm just kinda struggling to figure out how to live 'non-high'.

Even silly things like going to bed, getting up and getting dressed seem to be alien to me. I've spent so long feeling like I've been wrapped in cotton wool that all of the old feelings and thoughts have come back with a vengeance.

I'm definitely getting some withdrawal symptoms to. I'm tired, like all the time. I don't even think my doc gave me any energy, maybe I was just so strung out that I thought I was really high when actually I was just tired. But, out of all the withdrawal symptoms I've experienced, tiredness is not the worst. It can be managed easily enough. At least it's not pain.

Natom

Natom

I reduced my dose to 150mg today and so far I've been ok. I've still got one dose left before bedtime but I've not felt any withdrawal symptoms other than the general tiredness. Work was really stressful today but I got through it. I'm concerned that I'll want to use more when I'm able to get more pills on Thursday. I guess I just have to strengthen my resolve between now and then.

It would be silly to throw away over a week of decent tapering. My two pence.

Natom.

Fusion

Well done on your tapering progress, Tom! Although I have no experience with your drug, I tapered the alcohol drug, to lessens withdrawals. What I found helpful, is the realisation that thoughts aren’t truths, the average human being has 60 to 80,000 a day and the majority are auto-pilot, pre-programmed beliefs and judgments.

So I determined when I stopped drinking, that every time a ‘drink suggestion’ thought or feeling, craving, popped up, I’d recognise it for what it was, a. now defunct faulty brain message, which I call my Addictive Voice.

Natom

I cracked a little tonight. Swapped one drug for another. Not really enough to make a difference or jeopardise my taper but something to be mindful of.

Natom

saoutchik

Hi Tom, congratulations on what you've achieved so far and all the best for the taper. My drug was alcohol so I have no specific advice but I really found that walking or jogging for just a short time before I went to work reduced the peak cravings in the evening and also made me tired and able to go to bed early-ish which of course meant avoiding the late night cravings altogether. I appreciate you mentioned you feel tired but if you can try it - it might help. I believe there is some science to it (endorphins or something)

Good luck anyway.

Natom

Hey,

The tiredness is killing me at the moment. I'm out of the house pretty early for work and by the time I get back in all I want to do is eat, sleep and go to bed. It's like a general feeling of lethargy rather than tiredness because some nights I'll lie in bed for hours trying to go to sleep but failing. I've been taking some vitamin supplements but they're not doing a great deal and the idea of jogging makes me want to bang my head against the wall



Natom

Natom

So I had a little slip but have ended up back where I need to be. I've got my drug of choice so I can continue my taper over a longer period of time (perhaps the next 4 weeks). I'd rather spend 4 weeks doing a slow taper than stopping and failing when I hit withdrawals again.

So that's where I'm at. My mind has been less clouded recently and this has been both positive and negative. Negatives where having to deal with emotions whilst not high and positives were being able to feel stuff properly.

Natom

Coldfusion

I wish you the best, Tom. How are the meetings going?

Natom

I haven't been. I've tried to go multiple times (to the point of parking in a car park round the corner but not being able to get out of the car). I keep trying to get to them but I always end up making some excuse. The thing is I don't just make excuses about meetings. I can give you an excuse for any social activity going.

I've been doing it for years but it's got worse recently. I isolate myself when I'm really struggling. It's one of the worst things I could do but at this point it's like a learned behaviour and I'm finding it difficult to change. I leave the house for work and I'm driving around all day rather than sat in an office. I can go to the shop or families places but that's about it.

Anything out of my cycle of work/shop/family is almost like an alien concept to me. Occasionally with work I'll go to hotels for meetings and stay with 100+ colleagues. I'm fine with that because I actually have to be there. But, give me a situation where I can get out of it just by texting and saying I'm not going and that's what I'll do.

Besides my actual physical addiction it's the main issue I have to work on. I'm supposed to be seeing a friend tomorrow evening that I cancelled on last week and I'm already trying to figure out a way out of it.

Natom

Natom

Apparently we are getting fish and chips tomorrow so that's one reason to go.



Natom