Tetrax

Not to criticize either but I just wonder that my regular attendance to both might be why I'm going through such a tough time in recovery right now.

It's like my mindset is radically different depending on what my most recent meeting was.

It can't be healthy, this far in...

ColoradoRocky

Holy smokes, at a few months in -- or maybe even now!! -- I could barely keep one message straight, let alone TWO!

I have a suggestion, take it or leave it of course.

Pick a program.
Slim the message down to the essentials. (If you are in SMART because you don't like the God stuff in AA, then skip the God stuff in AA...it isn't a crime.)
Focus more on fellowship at this stage of the game rather than the program.
Find an experienced sponsor whom you like; an atheist! if you like...or at least a non-religious cat...there are plenty of them in AA.

I'm not pushing AA; it's just that I don't know a lot about SMART and I know AA works.

I'll be interested to see what you come up with.

Dee74

There's been a few people here who've done both - and loved both - so it's possible.

It might be a factor in your struggling - but it could be just as easily not a factor at all but a symptom.

What else are you doing to stay in recovery Tetrax?

D

least

What's driving you crazy might not be going to two different programs, but just the ups and downs of early recovery. The first year can be difficult at times. When I was early in sobriety, I felt kind of 'blah' and not 'feeling it'. I was advised to start practicing gratitude every day. I did, until it became a habit to be grateful. It strengthened my sobriety and made me happier too.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0

I'd say, just take what you need from each of the programs and let the rest go.

D122y

my brain being free of booze for more than a few days was a bad place for a long long long time. Over 6 to 10 months.

But, I had moments of clarity each day. Those moments turned into hours and now they are the major part of my waking hours.

I still crave, but I remember how bad I felt in those early months. I also read here about folks in their first days and weeks. Including you.

I can do things now that were impossible 4 years ago.

My problem lately has been my desire to interact. I do it for positive things, which is good, but I have had a few negative interactions at work.

Folks that say little things that are hurtful or disrespectful. When I was drunk and early days of getting totally clean, I never stood up for myself.

These days, I am so confident, that I will challenge folks directly. Then I obsess later on how I handle the situation. Eventually, I will stop thinking about the past and focus on the future.

That is a better place to be.

Thanks.

soberlicious

I get what you're saying. I know quite a bit about both programs and yeah they have some opposing messages. That would be hard for me.

What is it that you're having a tough time with?

Kaily

Hi Tetrax

My cravings, like yours were driving me absolutely crazy. Seemed like I wasn't getting better at all. Other people in my Nov class with the same sober time were saying that there cravings were either diminishing or non exsistent.

I was beginning to believe it never gets better.

I am now just over 10 months sober and I hesitantly say (I don't want to tempt fate) that my cravings are definitely fizzling out. They still come occasionally but the intensity and compulsion they create is so much less now.

I do now believe that it does get better. But at different time scales for all of us.

Incidentally I don't go to recovery meetings. In the very early days I would walk miles and miles out in nature, often all day long. I also come here everyday. I am aware and vigilant constantly. I take care of my recovery in the form of a convalescence.

Tetrax please take care and keep pushing on.

tomsteve

are ya just going to both or are you following the suggested actions of either to recover?

Tetrax

Thanks everyone. My problem of late has been cravings all through this (my fifth) month, after not getting many at all once I got into this thing.

At first I threw myself into recovery with the two groups as well as a treatment centre I went through. It was like a whirlwind, and meeting so many new people and just living by 'do the next right thing' was I guess simple, kind of exciting and, crucially, felt like progress.

Now it's like the recovery honeymoon period is over and I've plateaued into an ambivalent mindset of where I want to go next. I keep a balanced life regards food and exercise and the doctor recently upped my antidepressants: the change of dose and/or the underlying depression could well be it of course, but recovery-wise I don't have a strong enough mindset in either camp, as it were, and this lack of I guess belief in either programme as a whole permeates into my mindset as a lack of belief in myself.

My mindset is all out of whack, basically.

I've stalled.

August252015

I was still whirling in a lot of ways at such an early point. Five months is awesome, but like I always say, early.

Like others said, I chose and built a foundation of one program (AA) and concentrated on adding its "pieces" (ie spiritual study to begin evolving my beliefs). Only later did I open up to additional views and resources and study.

There is SO much we have to untangle and I didn't need to deliberately overload myself. Perhaps a simplification and even a "break" from something so you can focus on s solid, consistent plan of action (say, AA meetings) for 30 days or whatever is a great idea at this point.

DriGuy

Are you distracting yourself from actually doing the heavy lifting? I'm not getting enough information from you to understand your confusion. But I think you are focusing on a minor issue. You need to rid yourself of your obsession with drink. Right now you are focusing on a dilemma that seems small to me. That seems like an obsession.

This is a shot in the dark of course, because you are not letting us know enough about what is really going on.

Obladi

"I guess belief in either programme as a whole permeates into my mindset as a lack of belief in myself."

I'd suggest believing in yourself as a whole, then learning what you can from one or the other or both programs to bolster your sobriety and help you to build a better life.

O

biminiblue

I think you're doing fantastic, Tetrax. Sobriety takes work. The thoughts come and go. Escort them OUT if they are suggesting there is something wrong with you or that drinking is a good idea.


I battled with drinking thoughts at the six month point, too. It got a lot easier soon after, so just keep doing the next right thing - which in this case is not touching alcohol. Do that, and you've gotten it right today.

Ringside

Maybe consider changing things up somehow. I’m almost to nine months and I plateaued right around the same point as you are at now. I told my sponsor about my concerns, did a few different meetings, changed up my daily routine a bit, and just as importantly (in my opinion) I acknowledged what was happening and that it would pass (it did). Hang in there and you’ll be feeling good again soon.

DriGuy

Sorry I missed this later explanation. I agree completely with Obladi. The real power is inside you, whether you call upon spiritual resources or pure logic to get an extra boost. Don't let flaws in programs affect your faith in you. It's about commitment.

That you aren't feeling good at this point is OK. No program can promise total comfort and freedom. That will always be out of reach. Problems will always arise, but you will accept problems with greater ease and even solve some of them once in a while.

No program is perfect, and none of us are either. Hang in there. Don't drink. Don't expect a rose garden. That's not how this works. Finding one blessing in sobriety is a small step, but it's still a step. They add up.

nez

You haven't stalled. Look at it as you are taking this time to inventory your recovery. Looking at where you were. Looking at where you are. Looking at where you want to be.

Don't over complicate or overthink the data obtained during this inventory period. Just use it as a tool moving forward because more will be revealed as time goes by.

As to attendance at both AA and SMART possibly driving you crazy with the differences, don't overthink it. Remember how you got to the dance and who your partners were. If at some time you decide to let a dance partner go, let the decision come naturally with time and when it feels right; not because you need to make a decision.

Tetrax

Thanks again everyone, a lot of positive posts to think about here, which I frankly needed and am most grateful for.

I'm not sure of my next move regarding programmes yet but right now I guess it's fine to just quit the overthinking for one day, distract myself with Netflix, and make some damn dinner. Burritos tonight. Should be good.

nez

I like your plan way better than mine. Mine is to go to work. The good news is that it is the last day of a 10 straight day stretch. My plan tomorrow will closely resemble your plan of today. :~)

Callas

I think this is just the nature of early recovery. No program, person or self will can promise good results all the time. I do not use any program other than SR. Now six months in I also struggle and feel flat and quite tired. I accept that it is what it is. I never expected sobriety to be easy.

soberlicious

Just remember that cravings can't make you drink if you learn to identify them for what they are and separate from them.

For me personally, I'm not a big joiner. I don't like talking about personal stuff with people I don't know. Therapy helped me a lot though and that was more my speed. I also didn't want my quitting, and subsequent living, dependent on whether I had support or a program or a meeting. I can do those things if I want to but I don't have to in order to stay sober. That's all on me alone.

Whether you choose one program or the other or both or none doesn't matter. Just know that you can do this. Even people who have never had an addiction run into plateaus. It's just the nature of life.