Suggestions on ways to heal?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 35
Suggestions on ways to heal?
I've been on this merry-go-round for far too long. I've quit drinking now SO many times. Most recently this past January. But it only lasted about a month. Then a few drinks here and there started leading to binges again. Not horrible falling-down binges, but the constant numbing ones that are now lasting weeks at a time. So all kinds of things are suffering: my finances, my productivity, self-esteem, health.
I work for myself so staying home and drinking has become all too easy and common for me. I'm not immediately accountable to anyone, but many people have invested/donated to my projects and I owe all of them a finished product.
There is also one friend who has been so tolerant, supportive and faithful that he has been loaning me money and floating the business for years. We have a project that if I just focus on, could bring us both a huge return and make us all whole. But I'm paralyzed with pain.
The binges seem to be getting worse and very little progress is being made. And the shame and guilt I feel from all of this has been unbearable and forcing me to drink even more because I hate and blame myself for it all.
And recently, to make matters even worse, one of my binges lead me to hook up with a much younger guy after having no intimate or physical contact with anyone in over five years. And it messed me up. BIG TIME. I knew going into it that if we were intimate, and he was sweet, tender and kind it would do a number on me. And boy did it.
He was at my place for three days, and we were drinking. A lot. He seemed to be as big a drinker as I was, so I just let myself enjoy our time together with no judgement. He romanced me tenderly, looked at me like I was amazing, and seemed like he had real feelings for me.
But then afterward he admitted that it was just a hook up. This triggered a ton of anger in me because I have this HUGE issue with men who "love-bomb" women to get sex. And I feel this is what he did. And it devastated me. Some huge wounds got reopened that I thought I was long past. And now I'm more hurt, confused and angry than I think I've ever been.
And I can't seem to get past it. I know time heals all but I've lost a TON of work time because of this and getting back to feeling like myself and getting my work done is critical. There could be some major repercussions if this goes on even one more day.
But I'm obsessing about it all. Reliving every moment, every text, every memory. Calling all my friends and talking their ears off. Feeling like it's all my fault because I knew better and did it anyway. Then feeling like it's his fault. And I just can't get past it. Up until today I was drinking every day to ease the unbearable pain. But I can't lose another day to this. So I have to find another way to cope.
I'm trying to not drink today, but that's making everything even more raw. Any suggestions on things I can do to get through the day and ways I can get past this emotional pain? Can anyone help? Tell me what they've done to get past pain, guilt, shame? Thank you for listening.
I work for myself so staying home and drinking has become all too easy and common for me. I'm not immediately accountable to anyone, but many people have invested/donated to my projects and I owe all of them a finished product.
There is also one friend who has been so tolerant, supportive and faithful that he has been loaning me money and floating the business for years. We have a project that if I just focus on, could bring us both a huge return and make us all whole. But I'm paralyzed with pain.
The binges seem to be getting worse and very little progress is being made. And the shame and guilt I feel from all of this has been unbearable and forcing me to drink even more because I hate and blame myself for it all.
And recently, to make matters even worse, one of my binges lead me to hook up with a much younger guy after having no intimate or physical contact with anyone in over five years. And it messed me up. BIG TIME. I knew going into it that if we were intimate, and he was sweet, tender and kind it would do a number on me. And boy did it.
He was at my place for three days, and we were drinking. A lot. He seemed to be as big a drinker as I was, so I just let myself enjoy our time together with no judgement. He romanced me tenderly, looked at me like I was amazing, and seemed like he had real feelings for me.
But then afterward he admitted that it was just a hook up. This triggered a ton of anger in me because I have this HUGE issue with men who "love-bomb" women to get sex. And I feel this is what he did. And it devastated me. Some huge wounds got reopened that I thought I was long past. And now I'm more hurt, confused and angry than I think I've ever been.
And I can't seem to get past it. I know time heals all but I've lost a TON of work time because of this and getting back to feeling like myself and getting my work done is critical. There could be some major repercussions if this goes on even one more day.
But I'm obsessing about it all. Reliving every moment, every text, every memory. Calling all my friends and talking their ears off. Feeling like it's all my fault because I knew better and did it anyway. Then feeling like it's his fault. And I just can't get past it. Up until today I was drinking every day to ease the unbearable pain. But I can't lose another day to this. So I have to find another way to cope.
I'm trying to not drink today, but that's making everything even more raw. Any suggestions on things I can do to get through the day and ways I can get past this emotional pain? Can anyone help? Tell me what they've done to get past pain, guilt, shame? Thank you for listening.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK, South Coast
Posts: 605
Hey, I'm sorry ur feeling like this, but its probably made worse by the drinking, ur not thinking with a clear head. Try to deal with it in ur mind for what it was, a hook-up, then move on from it. He is not relevant to u whatsoever, u just think he is right now.
Stay strong, get the booze out of the house, go for a walk, make some coffee & get to work, u will feel better once ur being more productive
Stay strong, get the booze out of the house, go for a walk, make some coffee & get to work, u will feel better once ur being more productive
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
I'm sorry for what happened.
I think you could try to distract yourself any way that will work for you. Watch a movie you love, pick up a great book to read, go for a long walk, whatever will work for you. And, time. It will take time for you to heal. Don't allow the shame to bring you back to drinking again.
I think you could try to distract yourself any way that will work for you. Watch a movie you love, pick up a great book to read, go for a long walk, whatever will work for you. And, time. It will take time for you to heal. Don't allow the shame to bring you back to drinking again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 35
Thank You
Thank you!! The thoughts and comments really help. The hookup was just very recent and so much more painful than I could ever imagine, so that’s why it’s so raw. But it’s also a wakeup call because I don’t want to feel this way again. It’s brought attention to how much drinking has come into play in my life. :-(
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Three days? Dust it off girl. Just be glad you didn’t waste 18 months on someone just like that. Ask me how I know...
Seriousy though, a broken heart is about the hardest thing to recover from. Put the bottle down or you’re just going to compound your problems. Keep posting here. We’ll keep you company.
Seriousy though, a broken heart is about the hardest thing to recover from. Put the bottle down or you’re just going to compound your problems. Keep posting here. We’ll keep you company.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
My experience has taught me that there is no substitute for time. Nobody likes to hear it but it is the truth, time is nonnegotiable in the recovery process.
In the early days of my sobriety I was using every tool at my disposal: meditation, gratitude, exercise, talking to others. Unfortunately I had fried my brain from years of alcohol abuse, that sort of thing doesn't reverse itself in a matter of weeks. Some days were good, some days I would get in my car and scream at the top of my lungs.
People kept telling me it gets better so I persevered on blind faith. It was the correct decision.
My advice would be to stop drinking completely, use whatever tools are available to you, and trust that things will get better.
In the early days of my sobriety I was using every tool at my disposal: meditation, gratitude, exercise, talking to others. Unfortunately I had fried my brain from years of alcohol abuse, that sort of thing doesn't reverse itself in a matter of weeks. Some days were good, some days I would get in my car and scream at the top of my lungs.
People kept telling me it gets better so I persevered on blind faith. It was the correct decision.
My advice would be to stop drinking completely, use whatever tools are available to you, and trust that things will get better.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,680
For me- unfortunate as the news to me is- time is needed to heal. Each wave of sadness, grief, anguish, pain, anger, fear etcetcetc, has to be taken as they occur- minute by hour by day then so on. Talking to relevant professionals about why the booze seems interlaced with my emotions, plus my GP for general health...
For me also - isolation was a biggie, so I have to make myself Interact outside my home with humans.
For me also - isolation was a biggie, so I have to make myself Interact outside my home with humans.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
One of the biggest problems with binge drinking is it can seem like it's curing your anxiety / depression / shame / guilt or any other uncomfortable feeling - when in reality, it's just setting you up to make those things worse.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 35
Closure
I'm trying not to drink but my insides are all twisted up. For some reason I feel like talking to him and getting a little closure would help. He's a friend of the family and I don't want this to cause tension with my family. I feel like I need to clean up my side of the street. But I'm afraid he'll either refuse to talk to me, or say something that will make me feel even worse. I just need to stop the pain and I don't know how. I clearly was not ready to handle a situation like this, physically, mentally or emotionally. And I'm not trying to diminish my alcohol problem, it's just that this is what's currently causing the unbearable pain. So I feel like taking away or easing this particular pain will help me not want to drink. If that's just my crazy beer brain talking, then what do I do about it? I just want it to stop.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 35
It actually helped
So I decided to send him an email to 'clean up my side of the street' and get the 'moving on' I needed. There was some things I said to him when drinking that I do feel really bad. So regardless of his position or how he actually felt about me, I just needed to do it, for my piece of mind. And it worked. Now I can start focusing on my sobriety rather than obsessing over that situation. :-)
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
good. now you can start really cleaning up your piece of the street, which is: quitting booze and then having a chance at staying quit and cleaning up whatever is dirty.
what you say about pain, that you just need it to stop and don’t know how....just want to share my thought and experience that i had to live through pain, and that no matter how it hurts, there is no living way to “just stop”it.
and we can move through it and we do.
you can.
so...any plan for how to tackle this sobriety thing?
what you say about pain, that you just need it to stop and don’t know how....just want to share my thought and experience that i had to live through pain, and that no matter how it hurts, there is no living way to “just stop”it.
and we can move through it and we do.
you can.
so...any plan for how to tackle this sobriety thing?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
Healing .. Only you can do this no one else no help from others. it has to come from inside of you... and you have to want it more then the next drink.. its hard and terrible and .. only one person can do this You. love and prayers and hope for a better tomorrow.. ardy
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
