My first post. Today is day 35.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 45
My first post. Today is day 35.
Hi!
I want to thank you all for your stories on this forum. I have been lurking here since I stopped drinking a little over a month ago. A little about me: I am a 42 year old woman who loves reading, hiking, and cooking. I have two teenage daughters who are wonderful human beings.
During all of my drinking years I have attempted to moderate my alcohol intake. When I drink socially, blackouts are common. I have woken up in strange beds and with strangers in my own bed. I wrecked the bumper of my car without any recollection of it happening (I got a text from a friend the next morning who saw it happen, and when I went out to look at my brand new car, there was half the bumper missing).
I struggle constantly with feelings of being 'not enough' in all areas of my life. I'm finally addressing this through therapy. Without alcohol to mask these feelings, I have had to deal with a lot of rage and anger bubbling to the surface. Rage and anger are foreign emotions to me, but it feels good to actually FEEL these feelings and contemplate where they are coming from.
Some things that have helped me so far:
- Reading posts on this forum
- Listening to podcasts about sobriety
- Running or walking every day after work to blow off steam instead of guzzling a bottle of wine
- Therapy (Though I have not shared my struggle with alcohol with my therapist because I still feel shame around it)
- Reading a note to myself that I keep on my phone. It reminds me WHY I am giving up alcohol. (Because in the past I've always reasoned myself back into drinking)
In the past I have tried to stop drinking, and friends have encouraged me to moderate instead. I have come to realize that it's not possible for me. I can't do it. So now I just make up excuses that I don't want to drink because I have to be somewhere early in the morning, or that I want to get a run in when I go home. Mostly, though, I stay away from bars and parties and happy hours right now.
This weekend I will be spending time at my family's beach cottage. It will be the first time I am there without drinking. I know it will be a trigger for me because everyone drinks at the cottage, and it is probably where I have spent the most time drinking in my life. I'm going to try to just downplay the fact that I'm not drinking. I'd rather just drink seltzer and pretend there's vodka in it as opposed to explaining myself to anyone. Wish me luck!
I want to thank you all for your stories on this forum. I have been lurking here since I stopped drinking a little over a month ago. A little about me: I am a 42 year old woman who loves reading, hiking, and cooking. I have two teenage daughters who are wonderful human beings.
During all of my drinking years I have attempted to moderate my alcohol intake. When I drink socially, blackouts are common. I have woken up in strange beds and with strangers in my own bed. I wrecked the bumper of my car without any recollection of it happening (I got a text from a friend the next morning who saw it happen, and when I went out to look at my brand new car, there was half the bumper missing).
I struggle constantly with feelings of being 'not enough' in all areas of my life. I'm finally addressing this through therapy. Without alcohol to mask these feelings, I have had to deal with a lot of rage and anger bubbling to the surface. Rage and anger are foreign emotions to me, but it feels good to actually FEEL these feelings and contemplate where they are coming from.
Some things that have helped me so far:
- Reading posts on this forum
- Listening to podcasts about sobriety
- Running or walking every day after work to blow off steam instead of guzzling a bottle of wine
- Therapy (Though I have not shared my struggle with alcohol with my therapist because I still feel shame around it)
- Reading a note to myself that I keep on my phone. It reminds me WHY I am giving up alcohol. (Because in the past I've always reasoned myself back into drinking)
In the past I have tried to stop drinking, and friends have encouraged me to moderate instead. I have come to realize that it's not possible for me. I can't do it. So now I just make up excuses that I don't want to drink because I have to be somewhere early in the morning, or that I want to get a run in when I go home. Mostly, though, I stay away from bars and parties and happy hours right now.
This weekend I will be spending time at my family's beach cottage. It will be the first time I am there without drinking. I know it will be a trigger for me because everyone drinks at the cottage, and it is probably where I have spent the most time drinking in my life. I'm going to try to just downplay the fact that I'm not drinking. I'd rather just drink seltzer and pretend there's vodka in it as opposed to explaining myself to anyone. Wish me luck!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Welcome and congrats on taking back your Power.
A beach cottage sounds lovely! Just remember to walk away or go to your room or into town or take a run on the beach if too tempted.
Escape plans are the best plans for the Overwhelm.
A beach cottage sounds lovely! Just remember to walk away or go to your room or into town or take a run on the beach if too tempted.
Escape plans are the best plans for the Overwhelm.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,945
Originally Posted by Ladybug47 
friends have encouraged me to moderate instead. I have come to realize that it's not possible for me. I can't do it.!
Another thing I would do, which seems hilarious now, is tell myself I’d had two or three weeks off so I could now have a reward of one glass of wine. That might work with chocolate, but the brain of a heavy drinker becomes hard wired to expect alcohol, and that “one glass” is like pouring petrol on a dying fire.
I’ve read countless number of studies about ex-drinkers who try to moderate but end up drinking heavily again, 99.9% of them. I know a dependent guy who does moderate to within the U.K. weekly limit of 14 units (one and a half bottles of wine), but he has to keep lists and has two or three fidgety days without alcohol before the new week starts - utterly miserable existence. He doesn’t believe me that it’s far far easier to quit. After two months or so, that terrible consuming urge is pretty much gone.
Explain to your friends that you’re dependent and that for that reason you can’t drink. They’ll be surprised at first, but they’ll understand. My friends did.
Huge well done on a tough 35 days 😀
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Welcome, a pleasure to read your post. You sound so motivated and proactive.
I love podcasts too. Have been a major help to me. Also exercising has been a massive help to, as you say burn off any anger etc.
I can't moderate either. Some of us just can't.
Have a wonderful trip.
I love podcasts too. Have been a major help to me. Also exercising has been a massive help to, as you say burn off any anger etc.
I can't moderate either. Some of us just can't.
Have a wonderful trip.
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Hi & welcome. . Congratulations on your sober time. It’s no small feat to realize we can’t drink anymore and actually put a plan in action. Your recovery strategies seem to be working thus far. Good work.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Welcome and congratulations on 35 days of sobriety.
I hope things go well at the beach cottage. It's probably a good idea to have a back-up plan to get away and go for a walk by yourself, or go to your room and read if things get difficult.
I hope things go well at the beach cottage. It's probably a good idea to have a back-up plan to get away and go for a walk by yourself, or go to your room and read if things get difficult.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
Ladybug,
Welcome! Congrats on your life change!
Geez, who wants to moderate? When I got honest with myself, I was able to admit that I don’t want a glass of wine, I want all of the wine. Attempting to moderate would just **** me off.
Exercise has been a big part of my recovery. I too found that I couldn’t just subtract booze, I had to add in other things. Those new habits were a saving grace in the early days, and have taken on their own value over time as my new life has formed.
Triggers exist, but so does an opportunity to enjoy the beach in a whole new way. I hope you enjoy.
I have a 17 year old, and am so grateful I wised up in time. What a gift!
-bora
Welcome! Congrats on your life change!
Geez, who wants to moderate? When I got honest with myself, I was able to admit that I don’t want a glass of wine, I want all of the wine. Attempting to moderate would just **** me off.
Exercise has been a big part of my recovery. I too found that I couldn’t just subtract booze, I had to add in other things. Those new habits were a saving grace in the early days, and have taken on their own value over time as my new life has formed.
Triggers exist, but so does an opportunity to enjoy the beach in a whole new way. I hope you enjoy.
I have a 17 year old, and am so grateful I wised up in time. What a gift!
-bora
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
It's so good to have you join us, Ladybug! Congrats on your sober time & determined outlook.
When I was your age, I knew I was headed for serious trouble - but life without alcohol seemed grim. So I kept going with it, thinking at some point I could use willpower to control myself. It never worked once. As a result, I ended up with a ruined life & many disappointed/confused people. The thing I clung to for so long was destroying me - not sure why I wasn't capable of seeing it until I was holding on to life by a thread.
We're glad you're here - it feels wonderful to be free. Post here this weekend if you feel triggered or tempted - we're open 24/7.
When I was your age, I knew I was headed for serious trouble - but life without alcohol seemed grim. So I kept going with it, thinking at some point I could use willpower to control myself. It never worked once. As a result, I ended up with a ruined life & many disappointed/confused people. The thing I clung to for so long was destroying me - not sure why I wasn't capable of seeing it until I was holding on to life by a thread.
We're glad you're here - it feels wonderful to be free. Post here this weekend if you feel triggered or tempted - we're open 24/7.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Welcome to the posting side of things Ladybug. Hope you manage the weekend ok.
There may be some useful tips here:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...val-guide.html (Social Occasion Survival Guide)
D
There may be some useful tips here:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...val-guide.html (Social Occasion Survival Guide)
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 45
Thanks everyone! Somehow it helps know there have been other people in this place.
So far the weekend has been ok. I have definitely been craving a nice crisp, cold bottle of pinot grigio followed by gin and tonics--that was what I drank when I was here this past July.
This Saturday and Sunday morning I have woken up early and sat outside with my coffee, so happy to be NOT hung over. So far, that is the best part of not drinking. Early mornings feeling refreshed and alive. And not wasting the day in a ball of misery feeling too nauseous to move.
So far, so good. I just want to be able to keep it up. In the past I have gotten this point and then figured I didn't really have a problem if I could go 30 days without booze. Then I'd just go straight back to it again. Not this time. This time is for good.
So far the weekend has been ok. I have definitely been craving a nice crisp, cold bottle of pinot grigio followed by gin and tonics--that was what I drank when I was here this past July.
This Saturday and Sunday morning I have woken up early and sat outside with my coffee, so happy to be NOT hung over. So far, that is the best part of not drinking. Early mornings feeling refreshed and alive. And not wasting the day in a ball of misery feeling too nauseous to move.
So far, so good. I just want to be able to keep it up. In the past I have gotten this point and then figured I didn't really have a problem if I could go 30 days without booze. Then I'd just go straight back to it again. Not this time. This time is for good.
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