Still looking for everlasting sobriety
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Still looking for everlasting sobriety
Hi All,
I thought I would say hello to those that I have posted with (and to anyone else for that matter). I'm back on day seven - which is pretty good. I've gone through all the usual (shakes, anxiety, sleeplessness etc.) and feel I am over the worst part now.
As many of you know I've been through this all before. 50 days sober here; 40 days sober there etc. Then it all seems to go downhill again.
I know SR well enough to know that most that will bother to reply will ask "what are you going to do differently this time?" which is of course a valid enquiry. The answer is that I am not entirely sure? I'm really not into the idea of AA - researched it - read some of the Big Book - looked up meetings in my local area - but I know the whole higher power thing will be an issue for me (I know it doesn't have to be God). So for those of you about to suggest AA then please don't think I haven't looked into it (I accept I haven't tried a meeting yet and yes I would have nothing to lose and I might go to one).
One thing I might do differently is how I use SR. Previously I was always in classes and my morning posting style was almost like a blog or journal. In the end it almost becomes a routine that forgets what its actual purpose is and becomes an update on my life (diet, fitness, work, holidays, current thoughts) as opposed to working a plan on simply NOT drinking. So that will be one thing I will change - this isn't an internet chat 'thingy' - this is life or death (my liver was hurting when I gave up seven days ago) - I need to treat it with all of my energy.
I hope you're all ok? I would give shout outs to so many of you but I would worry I might miss one or two names due to the Shiraz murdered brain cells! So just to say - you know who you are and that I read your posts sometimes as a 'lurker'.
All the Best
JT
I thought I would say hello to those that I have posted with (and to anyone else for that matter). I'm back on day seven - which is pretty good. I've gone through all the usual (shakes, anxiety, sleeplessness etc.) and feel I am over the worst part now.
As many of you know I've been through this all before. 50 days sober here; 40 days sober there etc. Then it all seems to go downhill again.
I know SR well enough to know that most that will bother to reply will ask "what are you going to do differently this time?" which is of course a valid enquiry. The answer is that I am not entirely sure? I'm really not into the idea of AA - researched it - read some of the Big Book - looked up meetings in my local area - but I know the whole higher power thing will be an issue for me (I know it doesn't have to be God). So for those of you about to suggest AA then please don't think I haven't looked into it (I accept I haven't tried a meeting yet and yes I would have nothing to lose and I might go to one).
One thing I might do differently is how I use SR. Previously I was always in classes and my morning posting style was almost like a blog or journal. In the end it almost becomes a routine that forgets what its actual purpose is and becomes an update on my life (diet, fitness, work, holidays, current thoughts) as opposed to working a plan on simply NOT drinking. So that will be one thing I will change - this isn't an internet chat 'thingy' - this is life or death (my liver was hurting when I gave up seven days ago) - I need to treat it with all of my energy.
I hope you're all ok? I would give shout outs to so many of you but I would worry I might miss one or two names due to the Shiraz murdered brain cells! So just to say - you know who you are and that I read your posts sometimes as a 'lurker'.
All the Best
JT
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Life or death? Do you believe that?
I'm asking because you don't get to fight a life or death struggle under your own terms and conditions.
Didn't work for me; I've never seen it work for anyone else.
I'm asking because you don't get to fight a life or death struggle under your own terms and conditions.
Didn't work for me; I've never seen it work for anyone else.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Originally Posted by ColoradoRocky 
Life or death? Do you believe that?
I'm asking because you don't get to fight a life or death struggle under your own terms and conditions.
Didn't work for me; I've never seen it work for anyone else.
I'm asking because you don't get to fight a life or death struggle under your own terms and conditions.
Didn't work for me; I've never seen it work for anyone else.
Will I have a successful recovery? I don't know. I'm working on it as best that I can.
Regards,
JT
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,721
Originally Posted by JustTony
One thing I might do differently is how I use SR. Previously I was always in classes and my morning posting style was almost like a blog or journal. In the end it almost becomes a routine that forgets what its actual purpose is and becomes an update on my life (diet, fitness, work, holidays, current thoughts) as opposed to working a plan on simply NOT drinking. So that will be one thing I will change - this isn't an internet chat 'thingy' - this is life or death (my liver was hurting when I gave up seven days ago) - I need to treat it with all of my energy.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Welcome back, Tony!
And, yes, there are many ways to find lasting recovery, and I know you will be able to find a route that works for you.
I do think that reading and posting here can be very helpful as you read about other people's struggles and successes and find your way through early recovery.
And, yes, there are many ways to find lasting recovery, and I know you will be able to find a route that works for you.
I do think that reading and posting here can be very helpful as you read about other people's struggles and successes and find your way through early recovery.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Welcome back, JustTony. I was very glad to read your post. I’m in a similar position. We CAN do this!
As you’ll already know, there’s a wealth of support and guidance here on SR, to include posts, reading resources, members.
At the moment I’m in PM dialogue with some posters on my thread. Their insightfulness through experience is astonishing, and I’m truly benefiting. I wholeheartedly endorse reaching out to folks on SR, and it appears from your post, you did so previously?
You are not alone.
As you’ll already know, there’s a wealth of support and guidance here on SR, to include posts, reading resources, members.
At the moment I’m in PM dialogue with some posters on my thread. Their insightfulness through experience is astonishing, and I’m truly benefiting. I wholeheartedly endorse reaching out to folks on SR, and it appears from your post, you did so previously?
You are not alone.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,204
Good to have you back Tony!
I would say identify when your weak points are and work on a way of nullifying them. For me that meant getting up really early, doing some exercise (nothing strenuous) which made me tired enoughto go to bed at a reasonable hour and avoid peak craving time.
I would say identify when your weak points are and work on a way of nullifying them. For me that meant getting up really early, doing some exercise (nothing strenuous) which made me tired enoughto go to bed at a reasonable hour and avoid peak craving time.
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 373
Ive had many attempts at recovery. Like you, I’m not an AA fan. I can also be fiercely independent and have thought I could outsmart my addiction. Didn’t work, so I’ve surrendered to the idea that I need a people centered approach. I cannot do this alone. I am going to try Smart Recovery. We also have here Refuge Recovery, which is a network of AA meetings with a Buddhist emphasis. That suits me better.
So my humble suggestion would be to be honest about what you really need for recovery and go find it. Many groups, tools and people out there. Best of luck to you.
So my humble suggestion would be to be honest about what you really need for recovery and go find it. Many groups, tools and people out there. Best of luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Hello Everybody,
When I say you don't get to fight a life or death struggle under your own terms and conditions, I'm not talking about a path to recovery...there are as many plans as there are people. Me? I'm not a believer, but AA saved my life. It was more important to me to stop drinking than struggle with the "God thing."
What I'm trying to say is no plan works in regards to alcohol unless the person surrenders, gives up the fight against the bottle, surrenders to the complete notion that you can't drink and can't moderate it. That's why I haven't had cravings or relapses, because for some reason my surrender in the battle against alcohol was apparently complete. Don't know why, but it was.
In my fight with alcohol, I (the surrendering side) doesn't get to set the terms and conditions. You are beat, you're done. There is no more "Yeah...but..." about it. You don't get to negotiate the terms of your sobriety; it isn't a contract with a bunch of paragraphs and clauses about what you will and won't do.
Tony, it sounds to me like you have a lot of pre-conditions and some reluctance about what you are and aren't, might or might not, be willing to do -- but it could be that's just the way your post comes across to me.
I don't know if how I'm saying this is making sense, or, actually, if much of what I say around here is making sense!!! It's okay.
When I say you don't get to fight a life or death struggle under your own terms and conditions, I'm not talking about a path to recovery...there are as many plans as there are people. Me? I'm not a believer, but AA saved my life. It was more important to me to stop drinking than struggle with the "God thing."
What I'm trying to say is no plan works in regards to alcohol unless the person surrenders, gives up the fight against the bottle, surrenders to the complete notion that you can't drink and can't moderate it. That's why I haven't had cravings or relapses, because for some reason my surrender in the battle against alcohol was apparently complete. Don't know why, but it was.
In my fight with alcohol, I (the surrendering side) doesn't get to set the terms and conditions. You are beat, you're done. There is no more "Yeah...but..." about it. You don't get to negotiate the terms of your sobriety; it isn't a contract with a bunch of paragraphs and clauses about what you will and won't do.
Tony, it sounds to me like you have a lot of pre-conditions and some reluctance about what you are and aren't, might or might not, be willing to do -- but it could be that's just the way your post comes across to me.
I don't know if how I'm saying this is making sense, or, actually, if much of what I say around here is making sense!!! It's okay.
Last edited by ColoradoRocky; 08-26-2019 at 09:20 AM. Reason: typing!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
I get what you’re saying, ColardoRocky, regarding surrender, but I don’t use that word. Semantics, I know, but it helps me.
After my recent experience, drinking again, after two and a half years. For me, and I think we’re maybe talking about the same thing, maybe? I’m now at the point, after much deliberation, that (I replace surrender-but you possibly mean the same thing?) I ‘accept’ that I must not, cannot, and won’t drink again: and that is the final decision for me. A line in the sand drawn. Is that similar to your experience?
After my recent experience, drinking again, after two and a half years. For me, and I think we’re maybe talking about the same thing, maybe? I’m now at the point, after much deliberation, that (I replace surrender-but you possibly mean the same thing?) I ‘accept’ that I must not, cannot, and won’t drink again: and that is the final decision for me. A line in the sand drawn. Is that similar to your experience?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Hi JT, I don't know about everlasting sobriety but I do know that today is great!
I keep repeating the things and behaviors that work and turning away from things and behaviors that don't. Doing this leads me to more things and behaviors that work, kind of self propagating in nature.
I am glad to be on this walk with you!
I keep repeating the things and behaviors that work and turning away from things and behaviors that don't. Doing this leads me to more things and behaviors that work, kind of self propagating in nature.
I am glad to be on this walk with you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
I was in a life and death battle trying to control/stop my drinking. The bottle won. Then I finally waved the white flag, surrendered, accepted that alcohol was the "winner," admited that I had been beat.
I'm exagrerating when I say this but if the people I asked for help, who knew how to stay away from a drink, had told me to stand on my head in the town square and sing "Yankee-Doodle-Dandy," I would have done it!
I don't know how well known this is, but I believe the original wording of the first step was, "We admitted we were licked, that we could not control our drinking."
I don't think it matters what your plan or program is if it doesn't start with that, at least not when it comes to alcoholism.
I'm exagrerating when I say this but if the people I asked for help, who knew how to stay away from a drink, had told me to stand on my head in the town square and sing "Yankee-Doodle-Dandy," I would have done it!
I don't know how well known this is, but I believe the original wording of the first step was, "We admitted we were licked, that we could not control our drinking."
I don't think it matters what your plan or program is if it doesn't start with that, at least not when it comes to alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I'm exagrerating when I say this but if the people I asked for help, who knew how to stay away from a drink, had told me to stand on my head in the town square and sing "Yankee-Doodle-Dandy," I would have done it!
amen. for me it was paint myself green, stand on my head and sing the Star Spangled Banner! same degree of willingness. cuz one thing i knew i didn't know.....how to STAY sober. so i wasn't gonna argue with those who DID know. or keep trying to do it my way. cuz my way was an epic FAIL before there WAS such a thing!
amen. for me it was paint myself green, stand on my head and sing the Star Spangled Banner! same degree of willingness. cuz one thing i knew i didn't know.....how to STAY sober. so i wasn't gonna argue with those who DID know. or keep trying to do it my way. cuz my way was an epic FAIL before there WAS such a thing!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,055
Hi JT,
Great to see your post. I have wondered how you were doing. No great wisdom from me but wanted to express love and support to you. I’m still trying to find everlasting sobriety too. This is tough stuff, but we will get there.
Great to see your post. I have wondered how you were doing. No great wisdom from me but wanted to express love and support to you. I’m still trying to find everlasting sobriety too. This is tough stuff, but we will get there.
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