Summer Sobriety Thread
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Join Date: Sep 2017
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Summer Sobriety Thread
Hi all!
I have been here a couple of times really struggling with drinking in the past. I wasnt ready to acknowledge that I could neverrrr drink again, although I def acknowledged that my drinking has and always will be unhealthy. I am still struggling with the never again tbh.
I am not a 1-2 drink type person. I never have been. Since I started drinking at about 13 I have always been a balls to the walls type. Once I start drinking, it usually lasts until I pass out. There have been times and years I managed it better, but for the most part, I drank to get drunk.
Last year I had a lot of things going on in my life that were celebratory. I attended all of those things sober. Bridal shower, bachelorette, and I was about 7 months sober, however at my destination wedding, I got a **** it mentality and drank. Nothing bad happened, and I got back on the sober train but now I have a different kind of cycle happening.
I will not drink a drop for 4-5-6 months- I am healthy, happy and a sober advocate. I am open about my sobriety to everyone and I am even proud to be a non drinker. Then every 5 ish months, its like something comes over me and I decide to drink for just one night. Always regret it, and get right back on the sober train because I dont like how alcohol makes me feel, I dont know why i cant get that through my head???
This is clearly taking a toll on me because I make so much progress and then feel like I am starting back at day 1, and starting all over again sucks ass.
A couple weekends ago after over 4 months sober, I had that **** it mentality and drank. I am back to being sober, but I would like to stop this madness and just stay sober for good. I would have over 3 years sober if I didnt just drink once every 6 months, its very frustrating.
I know I can do it and even love the sober life because I have done all the things sober. Ive since been on two holidays sober, a wedding, lake weekends, parties, you name it, and ive done it... but I am noticing with the warm weather and summer and lake the AV is loud in my head. "You drank two weeks ago, just one more time."
Just today, I had an old drinking buddy call me and ask me to come over for old times sake and have a couple and I was kind of caught off guard. The good thing is I declined, even though i wanted to so so badly. Its a dangerous situation, and I am learning I must be more responsible with the situations I place myself it. One positive of all this on and off again stuff, is that I have learnt a ton about myself, my stresses, my triggers.
So I am doubling down and this time I really want it to stick, long term, and I am committing to posting daily for the next month or two- hope no one gets annoyed of me! LOL.
I have been here a couple of times really struggling with drinking in the past. I wasnt ready to acknowledge that I could neverrrr drink again, although I def acknowledged that my drinking has and always will be unhealthy. I am still struggling with the never again tbh.
I am not a 1-2 drink type person. I never have been. Since I started drinking at about 13 I have always been a balls to the walls type. Once I start drinking, it usually lasts until I pass out. There have been times and years I managed it better, but for the most part, I drank to get drunk.
Last year I had a lot of things going on in my life that were celebratory. I attended all of those things sober. Bridal shower, bachelorette, and I was about 7 months sober, however at my destination wedding, I got a **** it mentality and drank. Nothing bad happened, and I got back on the sober train but now I have a different kind of cycle happening.
I will not drink a drop for 4-5-6 months- I am healthy, happy and a sober advocate. I am open about my sobriety to everyone and I am even proud to be a non drinker. Then every 5 ish months, its like something comes over me and I decide to drink for just one night. Always regret it, and get right back on the sober train because I dont like how alcohol makes me feel, I dont know why i cant get that through my head???
This is clearly taking a toll on me because I make so much progress and then feel like I am starting back at day 1, and starting all over again sucks ass.
A couple weekends ago after over 4 months sober, I had that **** it mentality and drank. I am back to being sober, but I would like to stop this madness and just stay sober for good. I would have over 3 years sober if I didnt just drink once every 6 months, its very frustrating.
I know I can do it and even love the sober life because I have done all the things sober. Ive since been on two holidays sober, a wedding, lake weekends, parties, you name it, and ive done it... but I am noticing with the warm weather and summer and lake the AV is loud in my head. "You drank two weeks ago, just one more time."
Just today, I had an old drinking buddy call me and ask me to come over for old times sake and have a couple and I was kind of caught off guard. The good thing is I declined, even though i wanted to so so badly. Its a dangerous situation, and I am learning I must be more responsible with the situations I place myself it. One positive of all this on and off again stuff, is that I have learnt a ton about myself, my stresses, my triggers.
So I am doubling down and this time I really want it to stick, long term, and I am committing to posting daily for the next month or two- hope no one gets annoyed of me! LOL.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,408
Post away! 
Also keep in mind how amazing you’re doing. If I had one drink, it wouldn’t be every six months. If relapse people were a group, and that group had levels, you’d be in the “advanced” group, my friend 😹😹😹
Still, I feel your pain and frustration. I’ve only made it to about six months so not much wisdom to offer. You are obviously becoming aware of the pattern. I would say focus in on that more and more. The good news is you have it down to a single day.
Also keep in mind how amazing you’re doing. If I had one drink, it wouldn’t be every six months. If relapse people were a group, and that group had levels, you’d be in the “advanced” group, my friend 😹😹😹
Still, I feel your pain and frustration. I’ve only made it to about six months so not much wisdom to offer. You are obviously becoming aware of the pattern. I would say focus in on that more and more. The good news is you have it down to a single day.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
Originally Posted by kk1k5x 
Wish you strength!
Why do you think this 'screw it' moment occurs, though? From your post, it seems that you still romanticise alcohol to an extent. I totally get that, but it's just bad business, you know?
Why do you think this 'screw it' moment occurs, though? From your post, it seems that you still romanticise alcohol to an extent. I totally get that, but it's just bad business, you know?
I go from being totally happy and sober and loving that I have this sobriety thing and that I am different from others- to totally mad that I am different and want to just be part of the crowd. I am aware of the switch though so must be vigilant.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
Originally Posted by WaterOx
Post away!
Also keep in mind how amazing you’re doing. If I had one drink, it wouldn’t be every six months. If relapse people were a group, and that group had levels, you’d be in the “advanced” group, my friend 😹😹😹
Still, I feel your pain and frustration. I’ve only made it to about six months so not much wisdom to offer. You are obviously becoming aware of the pattern. I would say focus in on that more and more. The good news is you have it down to a single day.
Also keep in mind how amazing you’re doing. If I had one drink, it wouldn’t be every six months. If relapse people were a group, and that group had levels, you’d be in the “advanced” group, my friend 😹😹😹
Still, I feel your pain and frustration. I’ve only made it to about six months so not much wisdom to offer. You are obviously becoming aware of the pattern. I would say focus in on that more and more. The good news is you have it down to a single day.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 115
Originally Posted by kk1k5x
Wish you strength!
Why do you think this 'screw it' moment occurs, though? From your post, it seems that you still romanticise alcohol to an extent. I totally get that, but it's just bad business, you know?
Why do you think this 'screw it' moment occurs, though? From your post, it seems that you still romanticise alcohol to an extent. I totally get that, but it's just bad business, you know?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
You did not mention what you are doing to get and stay sober.
Your historical methodology hasn't yielded much success.
A good many of us on here select a program of recovery and work it on a daily basis.
Wanting the benefits of sobriety, knowing you can always drink if the proper occasion or trigger arises, doesn't seem to be working for you.
Why don't you try our way(s) and let us know about your efforts?
Your historical methodology hasn't yielded much success.
A good many of us on here select a program of recovery and work it on a daily basis.
Wanting the benefits of sobriety, knowing you can always drink if the proper occasion or trigger arises, doesn't seem to be working for you.
Why don't you try our way(s) and let us know about your efforts?
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
This ^^^^
Sobriety is a process.
There are many programs for recovery. Cruise the 12 Step and secular forums (program of recovery does not mean AA exclusively). I am a huge advocate of a specific recovery method. It's called whatever works. But do something, don't just keep trying what doesn't work.
How good of a time have you had at events when you remained sober vs. getting completely wasted?
Sobriety is a process.
There are many programs for recovery. Cruise the 12 Step and secular forums (program of recovery does not mean AA exclusively). I am a huge advocate of a specific recovery method. It's called whatever works. But do something, don't just keep trying what doesn't work.
How good of a time have you had at events when you remained sober vs. getting completely wasted?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Welcome back Icandothis
I think the thing for me was accepting I was actually missing out more on things as a drinker than not.
I would drink and pass out, or blackout.
A friend of mine asked on the weekend 'remember when you played guitar at my wedding'.
I did not remember.
Thats a memory I wish I had, and it's one of hundreds.
If you're going to suffer FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) have it for the right reasons.
D
I think the thing for me was accepting I was actually missing out more on things as a drinker than not.
I would drink and pass out, or blackout.
A friend of mine asked on the weekend 'remember when you played guitar at my wedding'.
I did not remember.
Thats a memory I wish I had, and it's one of hundreds.
If you're going to suffer FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) have it for the right reasons.
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 23
Hi Ican,
You can do it!
I have the same problem with drinking - I can go for months without then BAM!
But I ALWAYS go overboard if I have a drink and end up hurting myself or other people and each time seems to be worse than the last
.
I don't really have much advice to offer as I struggle with the same thing but didn't want to read and run.
xx
You can do it!
I have the same problem with drinking - I can go for months without then BAM!
But I ALWAYS go overboard if I have a drink and end up hurting myself or other people and each time seems to be worse than the last
.I don't really have much advice to offer as I struggle with the same thing but didn't want to read and run.
xx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
Originally Posted by SoberCAH
You did not mention what you are doing to get and stay sober.
Your historical methodology hasn't yielded much success.
A good many of us on here select a program of recovery and work it on a daily basis.
Wanting the benefits of sobriety, knowing you can always drink if the proper occasion or trigger arises, doesn't seem to be working for you.
Why don't you try our way(s) and let us know about your efforts?
Your historical methodology hasn't yielded much success.
A good many of us on here select a program of recovery and work it on a daily basis.
Wanting the benefits of sobriety, knowing you can always drink if the proper occasion or trigger arises, doesn't seem to be working for you.
Why don't you try our way(s) and let us know about your efforts?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
Originally Posted by Shewhodares
Hi Ican,
You can do it!
I have the same problem with drinking - I can go for months without then BAM!
But I ALWAYS go overboard if I have a drink and end up hurting myself or other people and each time seems to be worse than the last.
I don't really have much advice to offer as I struggle with the same thing but didn't want to read and run.
xx
You can do it!
I have the same problem with drinking - I can go for months without then BAM!
But I ALWAYS go overboard if I have a drink and end up hurting myself or other people and each time seems to be worse than the last
.I don't really have much advice to offer as I struggle with the same thing but didn't want to read and run.
xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
Originally Posted by Dee74
Welcome back Icandothis
I think the thing for me was accepting I was actually missing out more on things as a drinker than not.
I would drink and pass out, or blackout.
A friend of mine asked on the weekend 'remember when you played guitar at my wedding'.
I did not remember.
Thats a memory I wish I had, and it's one of hundreds.
If you're going to suffer FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) have it for the right reasons.
D
I think the thing for me was accepting I was actually missing out more on things as a drinker than not.
I would drink and pass out, or blackout.
A friend of mine asked on the weekend 'remember when you played guitar at my wedding'.
I did not remember.
Thats a memory I wish I had, and it's one of hundreds.
If you're going to suffer FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) have it for the right reasons.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
Originally Posted by MindfulMan
This ^^^^
Sobriety is a process.
There are many programs for recovery. Cruise the 12 Step and secular forums (program of recovery does not mean AA exclusively). I am a huge advocate of a specific recovery method. It's called whatever works. But do something, don't just keep trying what doesn't work.
How good of a time have you had at events when you remained sober vs. getting completely wasted?
Sobriety is a process.
There are many programs for recovery. Cruise the 12 Step and secular forums (program of recovery does not mean AA exclusively). I am a huge advocate of a specific recovery method. It's called whatever works. But do something, don't just keep trying what doesn't work.
How good of a time have you had at events when you remained sober vs. getting completely wasted?
Its funny, because every event I have gone to sober I have enjoyed more than any event I have been drunk at. I remember the event, the people, I feel proud...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
Yesterday was a good day. I had one of my best girlfriends over. She is in town visiting from Vancouver. I havent seen her in over a year now and it was really, really nice to catch up.
It was 32 degrees here yesterday, so we took my lab and blue heeler to the dog park, let them cool down in the river and play with the other dogs. I had a bit of anxiety before she came over, something I am realizing has been crippling me lately, is feeling non confident in myself when around other people. That is usually when I would want to have a couple of drinks and make myself more outgoing. But instead I just noticed it, and got through it. Its always the first 20 or so minutes of being social that is a tad awkward and then things get into a flow. Its weird that I even feel this away around long term friends.
A couple weekends ago, when I drank again, we were having family from out of town come to our cabin. I havent met my cousins kids yet and there was a big party atmosphere with boating and the lake, sunshine, all that stuff. I felt really nervous, and my brain still hasnt caught on that alcohol will only make it worse. And it did, because all these people know that I am sober, and I can guarantee they knew I had secretly drank... so it is actually really embarrassing and is a question of my integrity and character.
I want to be someone people can rely on, and look up to... just thoughts for the day.
The takeaway is, alcohol doesnt help social anxiety, and every time I get through an event without using alcohol as a crutch, I get stronger and more confident. The times I feel this "missing out" feeling is only when a big event or celebration is going on, but I have committed myself that I am not drinking again under any circumstance. Parents die? not drinking. Husband leaves me? not drinking. End of the world? Not drinking. Best friend wedding? Not drinking. Just won a million dollars? Not drinking.
Day 10 - for the last time.
It was 32 degrees here yesterday, so we took my lab and blue heeler to the dog park, let them cool down in the river and play with the other dogs. I had a bit of anxiety before she came over, something I am realizing has been crippling me lately, is feeling non confident in myself when around other people. That is usually when I would want to have a couple of drinks and make myself more outgoing. But instead I just noticed it, and got through it. Its always the first 20 or so minutes of being social that is a tad awkward and then things get into a flow. Its weird that I even feel this away around long term friends.
A couple weekends ago, when I drank again, we were having family from out of town come to our cabin. I havent met my cousins kids yet and there was a big party atmosphere with boating and the lake, sunshine, all that stuff. I felt really nervous, and my brain still hasnt caught on that alcohol will only make it worse. And it did, because all these people know that I am sober, and I can guarantee they knew I had secretly drank... so it is actually really embarrassing and is a question of my integrity and character.
I want to be someone people can rely on, and look up to... just thoughts for the day.
The takeaway is, alcohol doesnt help social anxiety, and every time I get through an event without using alcohol as a crutch, I get stronger and more confident. The times I feel this "missing out" feeling is only when a big event or celebration is going on, but I have committed myself that I am not drinking again under any circumstance. Parents die? not drinking. Husband leaves me? not drinking. End of the world? Not drinking. Best friend wedding? Not drinking. Just won a million dollars? Not drinking.
Day 10 - for the last time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
My mom came over last night and stayed till about 9 pm. My mom and I are really close. For some reason, I realize that I just hate small talk. I work at a job that answers phones and talks to people all day long and when I get home from work the last thing I want to do is visit for 3 hours- even if it is just my mom. I hate when people come over to my place because I cant control how long they will stay- and I generally get really uncomfortable at about 2.5 hours. I like to be the one to be able to say "im out of here". This is definitely one of the reasons that I drank to be more social and to actually want to. A lot of my friends and family like seeing people and their friends every single day. Not me, I am kind of a lone wolf who prefers to be on their own.
Walking the dogs, reading, gardening, online forums etc., I think instead of try to change into who I think i should be (this outgoing, socialite) I am going to accept that I am not much of a people person- and prefer to do so in small doses. I am also going to not feel guilty anymore if I want to dip out of occasions earlier than other people!\
Day 11
Walking the dogs, reading, gardening, online forums etc., I think instead of try to change into who I think i should be (this outgoing, socialite) I am going to accept that I am not much of a people person- and prefer to do so in small doses. I am also going to not feel guilty anymore if I want to dip out of occasions earlier than other people!\
Day 11
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Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by icandothis20
My mom came over last night and stayed till about 9 pm. My mom and I are really close. For some reason, I realize that I just hate small talk. I work at a job that answers phones and talks to people all day long and when I get home from work the last thing I want to do is visit for 3 hours- even if it is just my mom. I hate when people come over to my place because I cant control how long they will stay- and I generally get really uncomfortable at about 2.5 hours. I like to be the one to be able to say "im out of here". This is definitely one of the reasons that I drank to be more social and to actually want to. A lot of my friends and family like seeing people and their friends every single day. Not me, I am kind of a lone wolf who prefers to be on their own.
Walking the dogs, reading, gardening, online forums etc., I think instead of try to change into who I think i should be (this outgoing, socialite) I am going to accept that I am not much of a people person- and prefer to do so in small doses. I am also going to not feel guilty anymore if I want to dip out of occasions earlier than other people!\
Day 11
Walking the dogs, reading, gardening, online forums etc., I think instead of try to change into who I think i should be (this outgoing, socialite) I am going to accept that I am not much of a people person- and prefer to do so in small doses. I am also going to not feel guilty anymore if I want to dip out of occasions earlier than other people!\
Day 11
Congrats on day 11!!
xx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
shewhodares- Thank you girl! Im the exact same.. i would drink to make myself social and outgoing, and then the next morning feel such shame that I was so outgoing and obnoxious. Its weird we live in a society that looks down at 'introverts'. Its a preference!
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