ShiftHappens

If this doctor doesn't give me some help and relief today I am giving up on life.

I'm done with appointments and misery and just about everything.

I really don't want to see old age anyway.

WinterCamper

Go to the appt before you get your crystal ball out and start looking at what old age might bring. One thing at a time ShiftHappens. The doc should be able to help some. I would also encourage you to examine all parts of your diet and nutrition. At this point your symptoms might have other causes. When you were boozing, your body just got rid of the food you ate. Now it is processing it and trying to recover from being malnutritioned. Do me a favor and watch a documentary called Fed Up. Let us know how the doc goes SH.

Fusion

Oh, that was my mantra, as I lived hard and fast.....until I became older: then I desperately wished to continue living - whilst at the same time still drinking, crazy really. You still have the opportunity to stop drinking before you become ‘older’.

I do hope your doctor's appointment goes well. But if not, don’t give up. Please immediately post here, recount the appointment outcome (if it’s negative - and I hope it’s not).

And I hope collectively, there will be some wisdom in the replies, that resonates with you. I look forward to you posting later, however the appointment ends.

doggonecarl

Please don't let how you feel in the early days of sobriety color the rest of your life. It gets better, or no one would be here touting their recovery.

2muchpain

I'm very sorry to see you are going through a tough time. I know it's easy to say things will get better cause they don't walk in your shoes, but things do get better with time. I've been where you are many times, but knew deep down that better times are coming, and they always did. If I threw in the towel during those times, I would of missed out on a lot.
btw, there are advantages to getting older. Little things don't bother me as much as when I was younger. I'm a lot mellower now than before. Takes a lot to really upset me, and I used to have real anger issues. I appreciate each day more than I used to. My mental health is much better now and my stress level is much less. I could go on, but I think I made my point. What you are dealing with now will eventually become a distant memory.
Good luck with your doctor's appointment. I hope he can help you through these tough times. John

Zucc36

It really does get a lot better, but no doubts early on its rough to go through. Please just take it one day at a time, and each day just find one thing thats a positive.

biminiblue

I agree, ShiftHappens, one day at a time.

If you're still drinking, the alcohol is causing most of this hopelessness and despair. There are things to work on sober, sure, but it's a lot easier to do without alcohol. Alcohol just kept me stuck and not doing anything about any part of my past.

Today I live in this day, not in past hurts, traumas, and regrets.

Really.

Stop and in time it goes away. Life gets so much better sober.

least

How you feel now is not how you will always feel. It gets better but you've got to go thru the rough times to get to the better part.

gypsytears

I hope you discuss your feelings of hopelessness with your doctor. If this is a GP I urge you to seek out some counseling options in addition. You’ve mentioned what sounds like suicidal ideation numerous times in many of your posts. I hope you discuss obtaining medication from overseas with the doctor as well. Eight days without drinking is a wonderful start towards a healthy, happier life but there is no magic pill to get there. Time & effort go a long way. Keep posting and let us know how the appointment went.

ShiftHappens

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply.

My doctor is taking me off Klonopin and putting me on Ativan and Wellbutrin, and that's ONLY because I have a Neurologist appt scheduled for December, the earliest available.

Gypsy I was excrutiating honest with her, but I must say this:

While I realise we're from all over the world and have a common problem, the LAWS ARE DIFFERENT. THERE ARE INSURANCE ISSUES
REAL LIFE ISSUES THAT CHARLIE SHEEN DOESNT HAVE TO DEAL WITH.

Any mention of "suicidal ideation" will get you thrown in a room with a mattress on the floor for 5 days. Then they will bill you for more suffering. I actually wouldnt care if you received medical attention. But you dont. You get kicked to the curb even though the medications they put you on may be causing most of the distress.

I'd really appreciate it if folks could keep this in mind when giving recomendations.

The only decent "rehabs" in the US will cost you over 50k.

Anyone who would like to pay for my treatment, have at it.

Until then Im working with the system and my current financial state and trying to get back to the real me.

But Gypsy, thank you for diagnosing me. My doctor didnt seem to think so

Anna

There is hope. The Salvation Army offers free rehab and this link gives you the information:

http://satruck.org/national-rehabilitation

tomsteve

i dont know about that,shift. i have met many people that wasted THOUSANDS of dollars in the country club rehabs only to drink once leaving. a few "got it" the first time.
ive met many that went to salvation army rehabs and remained sober long term afterwards. a few walked out and drank again.

theres responsibility that falls onto the person walking into and out of the rehab,too.

2muchpain

I don't think how much a rehab costs that is important. It's the amount of effort a person puts into getting and staying sober that makes the difference. I've been to several moderately priced rehabs and worked as a house manager at a high end treatment center. It didn't seem to matter how expensive a rehab was. It always came down to each persons' desire to quit. Good luck. John

Misssy2

Hi..I'm glad you got to talk to the Dr over with.
I'm just curious why they changed you from Klonipin to Ativan..just for my own general knowledge.

Because I take Ativan and I want Klonipin prescribed because I took it once and it lasted longer (for anxiety attacks) and really helped me to sleep.

I can't do without my Ativan...Hope you will be feeling better soon.