NicLin

Hi everyone,

I haven't been on in awhile, been in self-destruct mode and I finally have had enough.
My 35th birthday is Saturday and I know that I absolutely cannot continue into my next year this way.
I reached out and have an appointment at an Outpatient center tomorrow afternoon. I am nervous but am ready to start this chapter to a new healthier me. I know that I need the tools to identify my triggers and find out the reason why I drink.
Scared but happy. And I am going to go to a meeting right afterwards.
Hopeful.

I'll keep coming back here too, it is good for me.

Night, DAY 1.

Finalround

Whatever it takes. You deserve better.

least

I hope you get the help you need to stop drinking for good.

PeacefulWater12

Nice job on reaching out for help.

SoberRican

Do what you nees to do to get well. Keep coming back

DriGuy

Good luck to you.

Just one comment at this point. I spent a lot of time introspecting trying to find out why I drank. What was wrong in my life that made me drink so much that I was destroying myself? I could find nothing. Months later in sobriety, I realized my drinking was purely an addiction. There was nothing bad enough in my life to make me drink to excess. Drinking was what was bad in my life.

I'm not sure this is true for everyone, but you may have to quit before you an find your own answer. But whether you find an answer or not, eventually you are going to have to grab hold of your chair and hang on until the cravings become manageable. And I think getting sober is the key to the problem. Not saying it will be this way for you, but it was for me. And when you get sober you will have a clearer head to do your introspection. Being drunk, hung over, or waiting for that next drink is not the way to do your best thinking.

SoberRican

That was on point. I liked that. I agree . lime they say if you are not part of the solution then you must be part of the problem. For starters is the get your mind right. By not boozing then the focus comes

ScottFromWI

Sounds like a positive step NicLin, learn all you can while you are there. You'll most certainly find some tools to add to your arsenal, and don't forget that SR is a great place to find them too.

I highlighted part of your post above, the main ones being "find out the reasons why I drink". I desparately tried to find that answer too. but in the end it was really my addiction trying to find it so i could "fix" whatever the problem was, and drink normally again. Of course that always ended in failure. What truly set me free was simply accepting that if I drink, bad things will happen. Why that is really doesn't matter - I can never change it so I just find ways to live my life in a better way without alcohol.

MLD51

Scared but happy - that was exactly how I felt when I started outpatient. It was certainly helpful for me, and did give me some awesome tools and accountability that I needed. I also did a lot of AA at the beginning.

Just remember to be as honest as you possibly can be, with yourself, your counselors, and everyone in your group. I think that's really the key. The deep answers to "why" can wait. They will reveal themselves over time. If there really even are any. Concentrate on not drinking, make that the only goal for now. Listen to the counselors at outpatient. Do all the exercises to the best of your ability. Be willing to dig deep.

I wish you the best of luck - work hard. It's worth it.

SoberRican

I agree dont worry bout the why part. Focus on the fix part. Then build your tool box and fill it for the future. Feel me

NicLin

Thanks everyone,

Meeting and evaluation went well, I was very open and honest and they did ask me about trauma in m life, I have had a lot. I deal with depression and anxiety and have buried a lot in my life, hence the soul searching. But I understand and am learning that yes, I may just be addicted and the other things are other cards I was dealt. I just think a lot how they are connected.

I didn't drink, haven't since Wed, and feel ok, mostly sad and where I am at. But it is actually making me look forward to outpatient.

Hit a frustrating point today when I was told my insurance didn't cover it, so I guess I have to keep looking. And I am going to a meeting tomorrow evening and will keep signing on here.

Thanks so much for the great advice, as always.

AAPJ

Hi NicLin,

Not that I notice everyone's activity but I had not seen you post in a while. I stumbled across your post to Void - WOW:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...80-post75.html (A Message in a Bottle)

Ouch. Good to hear a bit more of your story. Sorry you are struggling. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

DriGuy

"The other cards" do often exist alongside alcoholism, and I met a very large number of people in AA who are in that boat. But such correlation doesn't necessarily mean there is causation. You might turn it around and ask if your alcoholism is the cause of your depression and anxiety, and that would be equally valid.

All these issues may work together, and it seems reasonable to me that taking one of them out of the mix, would be most helpful. And alcoholism is one issue you can take control of yourself. The others may or may not require medical help.