Cellardweller

Hi everybody,

I wanted to check in and post some thoughts I've been having.

I've been finding that I come back to the idea of "understanding" a lot lately. The difference between 'acknowledging' we have problems in our lives (such as addictive/avoidance behaviors) and really 'knowing and accepting' that there are these issues, they need fixing, and understanding their wider consequences.

I remember that at various points in my time drinking, I'd wake up with a monster hangover, feeling like garbage, feel guilty and think I had issues. "Of course I drink too much, yes I have a problem with alcohol. I should really probably quit...Hahaha, right?" Then I'd plow down some more and push all that away to be dealt with later, whenever that was. I saw A LOT of this with my drinking buddies at my last job in the beer industry. It was pretty normal to be honest.

In some ways I think that the real understanding and acceptance of what our problems are and how they affect not only us, but those around and close to us, happens later after drying out. Maybe. I drank heavily for 12-13 years, binge to blackout most nights of the week the last half of that. It's taken me almost 2 years to really see and feel in the pit of my stomach what exactly my life was and understanding the effects of my behavior. Maybe I don't fully grasp them yet but I'm working through them. There's a lot of noise and maybe personal bias (if that's the right way to describe it) that needs to be processed out before we're able to look more objectively and understandingly at what we were like and the problems we caused ourselves and others. It sucks. And it takes TIME.

There are people who will never talk to me again. I can point to the booze, but pointing a finger at the bottle is a cop-out. I am responsible. There's a lot of doors that very well may be shut to me because I drank them closed. There's new ones that have opened as a result of drying out, thank goodness. It is all very different than I had imagined. So, anyone else get what I'm trying to describe? There's a very shallow understanding, like I mentioned earlier (.... I should really probably quit...Hahaha, right?...) where the full scope of what's happening isn't considered, versus the inner understanding that drives people to get out of the cycle of bad behaviors. Maybe there's more stages than just these.

I didn't follow a plan, I just knew I needed to stop or else I was going to destroy my life completely. (That is no joke. We can only get so low if we're wearing our booze blinders and drunk jackets. No sane person would take that ride.) I hope that was coherent enough.

To those that are still fighting with addiction, keep your head up. Life isn't perfect after getting sober but it gets a lot better. I still get urges to go back to drinking, but they don't affect me like they used to. One day at a time as they say. Have the best day you can and keep working.


All the best.

Dee74

Congratultiosn on your sober time cellardweller.


I agree that I couldn't see the whole picture when I was drinking. I needed to step out from that to gain a better perspective.

D

SoberRican

Sober life is much better. Its taken me a while . accept it for what it is . a disease. Move forward one day at a time. So far it has worked for 63 days so far. But you get what you put into it
feel me . iwndwyt

24violets