Friend suggesting I can drink in moderation now
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Peace,
Congrats on 75 days!! That’s a huge accomplishment keep it up!
You’ve got a lot of great advice here. I personally see a few things going on.
Ignorance: people without extensive experience with addiction (most of the world) tend to think an addict/alcoholic can “reset” themselves with a period of sobriety. That works with say, eating too much ice cream. But it doesn’t work with booze. Not if you’re an alkie.
Denial(?): folks who “joke” about being alcoholic are not always, but often, a bit worried about their own drinking. They’re trying out their options on you. You shouldn’t need to take that on. If you feel in your heart you are an alcoholic and sobriety is for you, stick to YOUR truth. Your friend may or may not figure out his.
New sobriety emotions: it took me a year to completely trust my own brain. When I was newly sober, I felt EVERY SINGLE THING. If something or someone bothered me, they BOTHERED me.
Everything you’ve expressed is completely normal as you are busy recovering. Friendships evolve and change. You’ll find out who your real friends are and who were just drinking buddies. Some folks are a bit of both, and you’ll figure out how to navigate your sobriety and their drinking.
But don’t let them convince you to drink. Your drinking friends are bound to test the waters, you’ve changed the landscape and they might be confused. But if they’re pushing you, those aren’t friends. If someone pushes you to drink, they have their own agenda and it’s more about them than you.
Rock in, keep it up! You have some tough days ahead, but also beautiful wonderful days. You will get more clarity as tome goes on. Take care of you, and your life will get better.
Congrats on 75 days!! That’s a huge accomplishment keep it up!
You’ve got a lot of great advice here. I personally see a few things going on.
Ignorance: people without extensive experience with addiction (most of the world) tend to think an addict/alcoholic can “reset” themselves with a period of sobriety. That works with say, eating too much ice cream. But it doesn’t work with booze. Not if you’re an alkie.
Denial(?): folks who “joke” about being alcoholic are not always, but often, a bit worried about their own drinking. They’re trying out their options on you. You shouldn’t need to take that on. If you feel in your heart you are an alcoholic and sobriety is for you, stick to YOUR truth. Your friend may or may not figure out his.
New sobriety emotions: it took me a year to completely trust my own brain. When I was newly sober, I felt EVERY SINGLE THING. If something or someone bothered me, they BOTHERED me.
Everything you’ve expressed is completely normal as you are busy recovering. Friendships evolve and change. You’ll find out who your real friends are and who were just drinking buddies. Some folks are a bit of both, and you’ll figure out how to navigate your sobriety and their drinking.
But don’t let them convince you to drink. Your drinking friends are bound to test the waters, you’ve changed the landscape and they might be confused. But if they’re pushing you, those aren’t friends. If someone pushes you to drink, they have their own agenda and it’s more about them than you.
Rock in, keep it up! You have some tough days ahead, but also beautiful wonderful days. You will get more clarity as tome goes on. Take care of you, and your life will get better.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,171
Originally Posted by entropy1964 
For me, when I react extremely powerfully to someones words or opinions about my addiction/abstinence etc, that is my addiction talking. That is the angry little addict in me that really wants the sober me to drink. Its a sneaky little bastard. Its not his words that stirred you up, its your feelings.
Think about it. Yes, he's your friend, but who really cares what he says, thinks or believes about your addiction or abstinence? You could just have easily laughed it off and said 'yeah, I don't think so bro'. And been done with it. No resentment, no betrayal, no anger, no hurt.
You do have a choice. I have had to learn that I am not a push go toy. Push the button and I react with my usual anger, joy, sadness whatever. What if you were to pause before feeling or judging? Think about what is actually happening. A whole lot of nothing.
You're sober and you are doing great. Put that non stick coating on and practice not giving a crap what anyone else has to say, especially when you absolutely know they are full of ****.
Think about it. Yes, he's your friend, but who really cares what he says, thinks or believes about your addiction or abstinence? You could just have easily laughed it off and said 'yeah, I don't think so bro'. And been done with it. No resentment, no betrayal, no anger, no hurt.
You do have a choice. I have had to learn that I am not a push go toy. Push the button and I react with my usual anger, joy, sadness whatever. What if you were to pause before feeling or judging? Think about what is actually happening. A whole lot of nothing.
You're sober and you are doing great. Put that non stick coating on and practice not giving a crap what anyone else has to say, especially when you absolutely know they are full of ****.
But you nailed the issue. Things that bother us are our problems. Apparently the guy who pushed our buttons now has a problem too, because he is ignoring Peace and Freedom.
One thing I could offer, which I am by no means proud of, is to terminate contact and run away. In extreme situations, when I simply can't deal with another person, I will do this. It is a solution, but probably not the best. But it does get rid of the problem. The down side is that it gets rid of a friend too.
On the other hand, we continually admonish newbies to abandon friendships with people who are dangerous to our sobriety. If this is the case here, I can't say. It might be. At least it warrants some thought.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
She thinks that I just need to learn how to channel my stress in a healthier way and then I can drink "normally" again. Ha! ..yeah right.
My other best friend blames it on my circumstances...bad boyfriends, stress at work. Don't think so
I love them both to bits and understand that they will never understand me because they are not alcoholics. The main thing is that I stay focused and know what's right for me.
My other best friend blames it on my circumstances...bad boyfriends, stress at work. Don't think so
I love them both to bits and understand that they will never understand me because they are not alcoholics. The main thing is that I stay focused and know what's right for me.
I could never drink normally, not even from the very first time. I never drank to get drunk, but every time I drank, I got drunk. And the times I drank continued to increase.
My grandfather used to say that if a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass every time he jumped. Some of my friends will never understand why this alcoholic frog doesn't have wings. Not much I can do about their lack of understanding. They are who they are. I just need to know that I don't have wings.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
First of all, congrats on 75 days! That’s a great accomplishment.
I can relate to your situation. My husband is an alcoholic and has offered me tons of nonsense advice. We have had a ton of issues due to our very opposite views regarding alcohol.
My best advice is to stay true to you. Filter out all the “noise” from people who don’t have your best interests at heart. You may or may not lose your friendship. I may or may not lose my husband...time will tell on that.
I quit drinking for myself. It’s said often on this board, “no one is coming to save you”. In stressful moments with my husband I reflect on that statement. I have saved myself, his opinions and feelings on this matter mean absolutely nothing to me.
I can relate to your situation. My husband is an alcoholic and has offered me tons of nonsense advice. We have had a ton of issues due to our very opposite views regarding alcohol.
My best advice is to stay true to you. Filter out all the “noise” from people who don’t have your best interests at heart. You may or may not lose your friendship. I may or may not lose my husband...time will tell on that.
I quit drinking for myself. It’s said often on this board, “no one is coming to save you”. In stressful moments with my husband I reflect on that statement. I have saved myself, his opinions and feelings on this matter mean absolutely nothing to me.
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