edyta

Hi everyone!
I decided to take Dee's advice and post here more often. It's been 5 weeks - 37 days to be exact and I feel like in a freaking rollercoaster.

Mentally -
Last two weeks I am extremely unproductive - my mind wonders a lot to really strange places. I can sit down focused one minute, and the next I am covered with tears, feeling the overwhelming sadness without any reason. Focusing and logical thinking is HARD. Really hard. I feel almost like having hangover all the time.. Forgetting stuff, confused.. I am dealing with legal stuff as a career so it's not the best mental state to be in... My husband who is extremely supportive noticed that I am not "like myself" mentally. Not many ups - lots of really weird, foggy time. I have generally better outlook for the outside world - everything is just so slooow (including my brain).

I was wondering if anyone had similar experiences in early sobriety and if yes, did it get better and how long did it take? I know it varies from one person to another ..but for me now it feels like it will never end so I am looking for some hope

Physically-
Oh I sleep. A lot. I forgot how good sleep is! I love it
No weight loss although I am going to the gym and eat healthy calories restricted diet - not so bothered about it though, it will come..
Headaches.. first 3 weeks were a nightmare, its better now but still get headache every couple of days
My skin is so clear! The face bloat is definitely down!

nadt

Hello! I don't have any advice for you since I'm just now finishing up day 8, but I wanted to say hello and Congrats on your 5 weeks!

I'm glad you posted. I think you will find a lot of support and answers to your questions from the group.

August252015

Hi there! 37 days/5 wks is awesome!

I went thru much of what you describe, and I personally had SO much healing to do. Things you mention like forgetfulness, foggy-ness, sleep, so on....here's a piece that might be very helpful to you. After we literally get sober (so, a day or three, whatever), there can be a thing called PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome) - this helped me go AHA! This explains so much of what I am going thru!
https://digital-dharma.net/post-acut...r-immediately/

I suffered from pretty much all described, and for the first 2 yr to some degree- I was a live or die case. Most people can relate to some of this and for much less time.

Taking care of myself had to be a priority after staying sober. I slept a lot when I could (often day time naps), I got on a better eating schedule, I saw drs, and honestly, I had to wait out a lot of things. I remember the spatial distortion and aphasia/grasping for the right words being frightening and taking time to resolve.

Very glad you are here and taking Dee's always good advice to post more

Keep going- it keeps getting better, and the things that are ongoing issues can be helped as they become untangled with alcohol.

BrianK

Same here with the emotional rollercoaster! I've also learned a bit more about personality types the past few months and some tend to feed off their emotions more than others. I tend to be one that does, so if someone else "levels off" in a couple weeks and I have to be more vigilant than some about where I'm at emotionally after a few months, my personality type could have something to do with it too.

I'm hanging on to the idea that just because I'm feeling something doesn't me that IS me, nor do I have to act on it. Example: I get to thinking about my plans for Saturday, which are flexible, during the day today on Thursday, and start telling myself all these stories either why I will or won't do this or that. Then Saturday morning comes and I do everything as planned and enjoy it. I have to consciously tell myself, "Stop. You're not yet who you are going to be Saturday morning. Wait till then and then decide." It doesn't completely shut down the crazy train, but that moment of awareness does relieve some of the steam pressure.

August252015

^^^Staying in Thu v getting ahead of yourself til Sat is good! Also...making a concrete plan for Sat is a great idea. Just one, for example, to have something set you look forward to/know you will do.

tomls

One of my biggest problems starting out was the alcoholic trait of wanting what I want when I want it. Patience. There is no hurry. You didn't get in the shape you're in over night and it's going to take a while to get better. Also I abused myself since I was about 14 years old. My body is 61 now but my mind is somewhere around 17-20? Sometimes I look in the mirror and think "who the ...?" Best wishes for you guys on your journey!

Dee74

I'm glad you posted - always good to read an update

Everything you spoke about sounds completely normal to me - I am sure that things will improve - with time

congrats on 5 weeks

D

edyta

Thanks for your responses, I read it - but did not have a power to respond. Today I had a beer.. the stress was building up for days with workload and my brain giving up on me.. and yesterday evening, I was driving with my kids (both under 5) and the car fan belt broke on the highway- nowhere to stop, driving fast, engine overheating, car blinking "stop immediately in the safe place".. We were close to the house so we managed to stop several times to cool down the engine and after 30mins we arrived safely home.
I am not sure what has happened, I was stressed and overwhelmed after this but hold myself together. Put kids to sleep, rented the car, researched help available on weekends.. Today this voice started to ring since the morning, "I deserve to have some relaxing time" and bum! few hours later I ended up drinking beer..
Well, starting again tomorrow ..

August252015

I'm so sorry you chose to drank.

What are your plans today, and what will you do differently this time?

edyta

I guess I will need to find some support network, this forum is by far the best resource I found so far, but I probably need a plan... Going by myself without the plan proven not to be the best option..

edit: tonight, its night here - im home, in bed, no desire to go out, feeling guilty as hell cause I let myself go.

BrianK

If that's something you now got a grasp on that you didn't have a hold of before, and all it cost you was one beer, at least you made some forward progress.

peaceful2

Have you tried group therapy? AA ?

Dee74

Many of us falter a time of two, so it's good you came right back edyta.

If like me you had a lot of reasons to drink, life will keep throwing those reasons up at you.
Same goes with 'rewards'

I agree its important to have a plan - even if it's just to post here instead of drinking- and stick around for a while until you're sure the urge is gone.

D

edyta

Thanks all yeah, there is no group support in my area but I have managed to get referral to the psychologist - need to wait for the first appointment 6 weeks though.
Well, it happened, I cant change it but I also dont want this incident to get in my head. I noted that it happened but did not change my sobriety date in the online app I am using. In the past, whenever I drank I would have this thought "you ruin it all, it does not matter anymore, why not to drink again". But not this time.. I want to keep going, I did not drink yesterday and have no desire to do it today! One mistake will not stop me and.. quite honest - it wasnt worth it..

Dee74 it seem like life started to throw stuff at me when I stopped drinking - but I think its just a test, I never dealt with any problems, just drowned it so now I need to learn how to deal. Not drinking its just a part of it.