GotTheBlues

Hi all,

Well, it has been 1 full year without a drink for me.

I originally joined SR in Jan 2017 when I first started to treat my problem seriously. SR was a huge part in resource sharing and self-education. I really thought I knew everything about alcohol, but really I knew nothing about alcoholism at all. I read a lot about the science of addiction during my first attempt and had a more objective view about what had been happening to me for all those years. I found it very helpful to have a strong sense of the pathology of addiction. A lot of this relates to AVRT, knowing, basically, that anything telling you you "need" a drink is just a product of your addiction.

My first serious effort to quit lasted about 8 and a half months, the first 6 of which were supported with Antabuse/disulfiram. This was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. During this time I became severely depressed and suffered from the dreaded brain fog and horrific mood swings. Everything was grey and flat, self harm was creeping back into my everyday life. I was expecting my entire life to change overnight, but everything actually got much worse. I don't consider myself a naturally angry person, but I was absolutely filled with rage and frustration. Eventually this all led to a huge argument that "caused" me to relapse.

After that I had a couple of decent stints of sobriety with a couple binges chucked in, but, oddly, my heart wasn't in it. I had spent a lot of my sober time thinking about drinking and the relief it would give me from all the misery, but relapsing was awful. It is difficult to say how terrible it is to wake up with a vicious hangover after a decent period of sober time. I looked in the mirror and asked myself how I had lived in so much unnecessary pain for all those years.

So, I kept trying. And when I stopped again, 365 days ago, it felt different. I had now got a sense of what a sober life might be, and how it was possible, and alcohol just seemed to lose its appeal. Anger and self-loathing/ the desire to hurt myself were my biggest triggers, and this things were generally improving as I gave myself time to heal. It took a long time, but I was coming to terms with the fact I wasn't going to drink anymore, gaining some degree of acceptance.

I wouldn't say the last year has been easy, but every day has put me further from alcohol and the obsession does ebb away as the months pass. For me, the biggest secret is time. Whilst I was an active addict, I honestly thought that sober people had to fight every day and that my entire life would be a battle with alcohol. But it's not true, you can simply walk away and refuse to fight anymore.

Anyway, I am going on now...

Thank you all for your support! What a wonder resource SR is. It's crammed full of alcoholics and drug addicts, and is probably the only place on the internet I have ever experienced this degree of positivity.

least

Congrats on the first of many sober years!

Dee74

wow congratulations GTB

D

Ghostlight1

Congratulations on a year, that's huge.
It sounds like you've got a great grasp on your sobriety and all it entails, which is great.
I wish you many more years of sobriety. And remember, you never have to drink again.
Best to you.

Delilah1

Congratulations on one year, it is a huge milestone, and something to be very proud of!

LiveLikeGold6

GTB I really loved your post thank you so much for sharing. You kept fighting and now look at you. You really truly give me hope ❤️

kiki26

August252015

Great job!!

PhoenixJ

one year - awesome

sobriety, a blessing

live and embrace life and doing 'good' is my focus

BrianK

Congratulations!!! I loved how you said it "felt" different. I'm praying that's the same feeling I got this time around, and it helps to hear it said plainly like that!

Jim1958

Great post. I am so glad to read this, as I am closing in on a year myself. Wonderful job!

wildflower70

Absolutely Fantastic!!!

biminiblue

REALLY good description of the inner turmoil and then finally release from the misery.

Thanks for the post GotTheBlues. It's important, and many congratulations for taking back your life. It's precious.

Atlast9999

DJ1

congratulations thanks for posting your story

WeThinkNot

Congratulations on your year of sobriety, may it be the first of many!

Helianthus

Thanks so much for your post l really enjoyed reading it, l was able to relate to so much in it.

Congratulations on one year that's amazing! The training wheels part made me chuckle because it's exactly that, l am just over a year sober and l am loosening the bolts on mine, l just hope l don't go too fast and end up in a hedge!

Year two is a brand new, exciting time l hope you enjoy it.

Finallytime

What a wonderful and inspiring story, thank you so much for sharing, and congratulations on 1 year, it’s an incredible accomplishment!

Also, I love the last thing you said. It is so true. This is a place full of alcoholics and other addicts, and it’s the friendliest, most supportive, and least hateful place on the entire internet. It is such a privilege to be part of this group. Thank you all for this.

sydneyman

Beautiful. Yes I don't fight it anymore either. Its not worth giving it the energy.
Well done

MLD51

Congratulations on a year!

This really struck me:

Whilst I was an active addict, I honestly thought that sober people had to fight every day and that my entire life would be a battle with alcohol. But it's not true, you can simply walk away and refuse to fight anymore.

Yes, you can just walk away and refuse to fight. It's called surrender, a cornerstone of AA. I'll never forget the moment I threw my hands up in the air (figuratively) and said "I give up. I'm powerless over alcohol, and I get it now."

Once I really gave myself over to the idea that I simply can't drink safely ever again, that I needed to cut my losses and quit fighting it, I felt so free. It was amazing.