What did you do when the evening started in?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 132
What did you do when the evening started in?
Happy Friday all!
I seem to get through the days just fine without even thinking about having a drink, but it's the evening that gets to me. I have one day under my belt again, and would really like to have a relaxing and refreshing weekend (not to mention the rest of my life.)
I'm curious what you all did when you started to feel cravings and urges. Around 4:00 every afternoon, I begin to sweat, and the thoughts of alcohol start creeping in. I usually try to fight it by keeping busy doing something in the garden, or making dinner, etc... but most of the time, the thought wins.
Most evenings, I can't make face to face meetings, but some evenings I can. Today isn't one of the days that I can make one.
Anyhow, if you want to share what you did, I would appreciate it!! I hope everyone has a nice day. Thank you!
I seem to get through the days just fine without even thinking about having a drink, but it's the evening that gets to me. I have one day under my belt again, and would really like to have a relaxing and refreshing weekend (not to mention the rest of my life.)
I'm curious what you all did when you started to feel cravings and urges. Around 4:00 every afternoon, I begin to sweat, and the thoughts of alcohol start creeping in. I usually try to fight it by keeping busy doing something in the garden, or making dinner, etc... but most of the time, the thought wins.
Most evenings, I can't make face to face meetings, but some evenings I can. Today isn't one of the days that I can make one.
Anyhow, if you want to share what you did, I would appreciate it!! I hope everyone has a nice day. Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,327
Make a rigid plan before the evening arrives and stick to it no matter what. Even if it's a movie you plan to watch, plan the movie in advance and what time you stick it on. And if possible, maybe hold out on dinner till later, so the evening builds up to it (perhaps exercise when you would normally eat, as long as you're not so hungry you might think a drink is a good idea).
These are some of the things I do, anyway. Though I must stress for me in these early days meetings have been the best thing of all (including making them a part of my evening plan well in advance).
These are some of the things I do, anyway. Though I must stress for me in these early days meetings have been the best thing of all (including making them a part of my evening plan well in advance).
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
In my first few months of sobriety I stocked up on a variety of refreshing non-alcoholic drinks. My favorite was a glass of 7-up or ginger ale on ice with a splash of cranberry juice and a lime twist. I sat and drank those during my peak crave hours, it did the trick for me 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
My day was always the same. Get home from work and pour a drink, sometimes before I even took off my jacket. If I was distracted and avoided that first pour, cravings would set in an hour or two later. If I was preoccupied or consciously trying to avoid alcohol, I would manage the cravings to late evening, and sometime after 9:00PM the big battle with cravings, the one I always lost, would begin. I would constantly crave and resist. When I resisted I felt a sense of winning, but the cravings wouldn't stop: Crave and resist, crave and resist, crave and resist. I was winning over and over until I lost. All the winning transformed into defeat, which left me with relief, although also riddled with guilt. I had fought valiantly, until I could no longer resist. It became so repetitive that I knew I was eventually going to lose, while I was engaged in the battle.
It changed when a counselor refused to talk to me unless I went to AA. I didn't want to go to AA and hang out with a bunch of hopeless drunks whining about how much they needed a drink. I was successful and self sufficient. I wanted to do it on my own. Not that seeing a counselor every week was even close to doing it on my own. But things were so bad, I decided to go to AA, because the counselor was essentially no help.
When I got there, I was surprised to be welcomed by a bunch of happy people, who instead of whining were celebrating their sobriety, and they wanted me to celebrate with them. Who would have thought?
It was 8:00PM on day three without a drink. I had been dealing with the worst cravings ever for the last three hours. I was so distracted listening to the stories of others that the cravings left. Not completely, just greatly lessened, but enough that I didn't need a bottle after the meeting. I went to 93 meetings in the next 90 days, and never drank again. My cravings became manageable in 10 days, and subsided to exactly zero over the years.
And Friday night meetings were wonderful. Imagine a room full of joyful people who were previously helpless drunks celebrating sobriety when the rest of the world was out there getting wasted.
OK, there were downer meetings too. Tensions could flare, someone may have killed themselves the night before. Occasionally someone could bring up a philosophy that was not helpful at all, but the overall tone of the gatherings were more along the lines I first described.
Today, Friday nights are like any other night where I don't go to a meeting, but I don't think about drinking. I watch a movie and relax while my head stays basically quiet.
It changed when a counselor refused to talk to me unless I went to AA. I didn't want to go to AA and hang out with a bunch of hopeless drunks whining about how much they needed a drink. I was successful and self sufficient. I wanted to do it on my own. Not that seeing a counselor every week was even close to doing it on my own. But things were so bad, I decided to go to AA, because the counselor was essentially no help.
When I got there, I was surprised to be welcomed by a bunch of happy people, who instead of whining were celebrating their sobriety, and they wanted me to celebrate with them. Who would have thought?
It was 8:00PM on day three without a drink. I had been dealing with the worst cravings ever for the last three hours. I was so distracted listening to the stories of others that the cravings left. Not completely, just greatly lessened, but enough that I didn't need a bottle after the meeting. I went to 93 meetings in the next 90 days, and never drank again. My cravings became manageable in 10 days, and subsided to exactly zero over the years.
And Friday night meetings were wonderful. Imagine a room full of joyful people who were previously helpless drunks celebrating sobriety when the rest of the world was out there getting wasted.
OK, there were downer meetings too. Tensions could flare, someone may have killed themselves the night before. Occasionally someone could bring up a philosophy that was not helpful at all, but the overall tone of the gatherings were more along the lines I first described.
Today, Friday nights are like any other night where I don't go to a meeting, but I don't think about drinking. I watch a movie and relax while my head stays basically quiet.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I found good results with planning a workout at that time...
Hitting the gym hard, going for a long run, a long bike ride, a fast-paced hike, going to muay thai...... anything to spend a solid hour or more at physical exercise served the purpose of getting my mind off booze, breaking the routine, getting me in shape, boosting my mood, alleviating anxiety and shifting my focus to sober action.
Action.
Action is where it's at when it comes to sobriety.
You can do it.
Hitting the gym hard, going for a long run, a long bike ride, a fast-paced hike, going to muay thai...... anything to spend a solid hour or more at physical exercise served the purpose of getting my mind off booze, breaking the routine, getting me in shape, boosting my mood, alleviating anxiety and shifting my focus to sober action.
Action.
Action is where it's at when it comes to sobriety.
You can do it.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Great job on today being day one!
And I really echo the thing about face to face meetings. I simply had to make time- it was AA or nothing for me and I definitely didn't "want" to be there- but I kept going. I did about 82 in the first 90 that is suggested- and I am fuzzy on the exact number bc I was probably at one of my drs in the first two weeks.
Otherwise, occupying your time w whatever it takes - literally- is what we have to do. Perhaps set an alarm for 3p to pre-empt this 4p "time" for you, and leave the house, or start a movie, or spend an hour on here. I know I can easily spend that much time here reading and in the Class of May 2019 (for you) thread, where others getting sober this month will be. I started keeping at least one NA drink i liked on hand. I still do that- it's a running joke w my husband about how many I have going at a time. Right now, lime sparkling water w extra limes and Diet Lemonade from a place I like are my thing. Then, keeping my hands full was a big part of my reason- now, it's just what I do!!
I'd also suggest getting a set of numbers/people you can call or text and spend 30 min even doing just that. Friends, the AA hotline (check the website for your local number), anyone who can help kill the literal minutes the mind trick of time, or cravings, or just an itch of restlessness begins. I promise we all know what that feels like from our own experience- and again, doing whatever it takes even if it sounds silly is simply the most important thing.
I also made to do lists - and at first? Literally, three or four items like 1 eat twice (getting on a regular schedule of good foods is SO important for us) 2 walk the dog twice (more than a quick pee!) 3 do laundry. Simple. Accomplishable. Even if you aren't at death's door like me, this is the kind of stuff we can reframe as a day's victory. We can become real-life-adult-functioning as we go.
Glad you are here - lots of support and resources.
And I really echo the thing about face to face meetings. I simply had to make time- it was AA or nothing for me and I definitely didn't "want" to be there- but I kept going. I did about 82 in the first 90 that is suggested- and I am fuzzy on the exact number bc I was probably at one of my drs in the first two weeks.
Otherwise, occupying your time w whatever it takes - literally- is what we have to do. Perhaps set an alarm for 3p to pre-empt this 4p "time" for you, and leave the house, or start a movie, or spend an hour on here. I know I can easily spend that much time here reading and in the Class of May 2019 (for you) thread, where others getting sober this month will be. I started keeping at least one NA drink i liked on hand. I still do that- it's a running joke w my husband about how many I have going at a time. Right now, lime sparkling water w extra limes and Diet Lemonade from a place I like are my thing. Then, keeping my hands full was a big part of my reason- now, it's just what I do!!
I'd also suggest getting a set of numbers/people you can call or text and spend 30 min even doing just that. Friends, the AA hotline (check the website for your local number), anyone who can help kill the literal minutes the mind trick of time, or cravings, or just an itch of restlessness begins. I promise we all know what that feels like from our own experience- and again, doing whatever it takes even if it sounds silly is simply the most important thing.
I also made to do lists - and at first? Literally, three or four items like 1 eat twice (getting on a regular schedule of good foods is SO important for us) 2 walk the dog twice (more than a quick pee!) 3 do laundry. Simple. Accomplishable. Even if you aren't at death's door like me, this is the kind of stuff we can reframe as a day's victory. We can become real-life-adult-functioning as we go.
Glad you are here - lots of support and resources.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
All great suggestions so far. I second especially trying very hard to get to meetings. And exercise. Both can really do the trick when cravings set in. Anything, really, that's different from the normal routine. I had a habit of stopping at the bar on my way home from work. Not every day, but most days. I had to actually change the route I drove home from work so that I didn't drive by that bar. It was just too strong of a pull right at the beginning. Then I'd stop at the grocery store, pick up interesting things to make for dinner instead. And something sweet. Sometimes I ate the sweet thing before dinner, even. That isn't a great habit, but it helped. I walked the dog a lot. More than I ever had before. Not huge changes, but enough to create new habits and get me past the worst times of the day. I took better care of myself in general. Hydrated well. Tried to not get too hungry. Started getting more rest. All of that added up to feeling so good I couldn't imagine messing it up with booze.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
I also recommend meetings. However, I found for awhile I had to change my entire schedule to avoid the things I did while I was drinking so I wouldn't have that automatic craving. I live alone, so this is relatively easy. But I couldn't cook myself dinner for a long time, because I would always *always* drink while cooking. So, stocked up on prepared/frozen foods for a few weeks so I didn't have to really step foot in my kitchen. I also haven't played video games since I got sober, since that was my number one drinking activity and I still don't feel confident that it isn't a trigger. I'm not gonna fool around with that one for awhile.
Try doing a workout after work or going for a walk if you have time. Exercise releases endorphins and can take your mind off of a drink. Exhausting yourself is also useful and more often than not, you'll just want to go to sleep instead of drinking. Also, surround yourself with people. Like August said, call friends or family and have a conversation.
In my opinion, the biggest thing after the physical addiction is the habits we have formed that created the mental one. So, if you break out of those habits, you can avoid further triggers that were just caused by sitting around and drinking.
Then, after time spent working on your recovery and adding tools for sobriety, you can start adding those things back in if they were things you genuinely liked to do. I love cooking and I want to be able to do it again without feeling like I need a drink. However, sitting alone in my house for hours in order to drink wasn't actually fun. Just an excuse to get drunk.
Like I said, I live alone and am not in a relationship, so changing my schedule to fit my needs was fairly easy for me once I committed to it. But also: meetings. Go to them all night if you have to. There's usually one every hour or so.
Good luck!
Try doing a workout after work or going for a walk if you have time. Exercise releases endorphins and can take your mind off of a drink. Exhausting yourself is also useful and more often than not, you'll just want to go to sleep instead of drinking. Also, surround yourself with people. Like August said, call friends or family and have a conversation.
In my opinion, the biggest thing after the physical addiction is the habits we have formed that created the mental one. So, if you break out of those habits, you can avoid further triggers that were just caused by sitting around and drinking.
Then, after time spent working on your recovery and adding tools for sobriety, you can start adding those things back in if they were things you genuinely liked to do. I love cooking and I want to be able to do it again without feeling like I need a drink. However, sitting alone in my house for hours in order to drink wasn't actually fun. Just an excuse to get drunk.
Like I said, I live alone and am not in a relationship, so changing my schedule to fit my needs was fairly easy for me once I committed to it. But also: meetings. Go to them all night if you have to. There's usually one every hour or so.
Good luck!
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by dpac414 
I also recommend meetings. However, I found for awhile I had to change my entire schedule to avoid the things I did while I was drinking so I wouldn't have that automatic craving. I live alone, so this is relatively easy. But I couldn't cook myself dinner for a long time, because I would always *always* drink while cooking. So, stocked up on prepared/frozen foods for a few weeks so I didn't have to really step foot in my kitchen. I also haven't played video games since I got sober, since that was my number one drinking activity and I still don't feel confident that it isn't a trigger. I'm not gonna fool around with that one for awhile.
Try doing a workout after work or going for a walk if you have time. Exercise releases endorphins and can take your mind off of a drink. Exhausting yourself is also useful and more often than not, you'll just want to go to sleep instead of drinking. Also, surround yourself with people. Like August said, call friends or family and have a conversation.
In my opinion, the biggest thing after the physical addiction is the habits we have formed that created the mental one. So, if you break out of those habits, you can avoid further triggers that were just caused by sitting around and drinking.
Then, after time spent working on your recovery and adding tools for sobriety, you can start adding those things back in if they were things you genuinely liked to do. I love cooking and I want to be able to do it again without feeling like I need a drink. However, sitting alone in my house for hours in order to drink wasn't actually fun. Just an excuse to get drunk.
Like I said, I live alone and am not in a relationship, so changing my schedule to fit my needs was fairly easy for me once I committed to it. But also: meetings. Go to them all night if you have to. There's usually one every hour or so.
Good luck!
Try doing a workout after work or going for a walk if you have time. Exercise releases endorphins and can take your mind off of a drink. Exhausting yourself is also useful and more often than not, you'll just want to go to sleep instead of drinking. Also, surround yourself with people. Like August said, call friends or family and have a conversation.
In my opinion, the biggest thing after the physical addiction is the habits we have formed that created the mental one. So, if you break out of those habits, you can avoid further triggers that were just caused by sitting around and drinking.
Then, after time spent working on your recovery and adding tools for sobriety, you can start adding those things back in if they were things you genuinely liked to do. I love cooking and I want to be able to do it again without feeling like I need a drink. However, sitting alone in my house for hours in order to drink wasn't actually fun. Just an excuse to get drunk.
Like I said, I live alone and am not in a relationship, so changing my schedule to fit my needs was fairly easy for me once I committed to it. But also: meetings. Go to them all night if you have to. There's usually one every hour or so.
Good luck!
And, what I highlighted has been especially true for me. I was single, too, for the first 5 1/2 mo of my sobriety and EVERYTHING I did was focused on getting and staying sober and then learning a new life.
My first sponsor was the one who told me shockingly simple things like:
"What are you going to do next after we get off the phone?"
Me- "Well, I have to work tonight and-"
Her- "NO, next. What are you doing immediately?"
Me- "OH. Finishing my coffee."
Thinking of actions that simply was like putting one foot in front of the other and I had to cut myself a lot of slack for doing *just* that! Basics like no alcohol in the house, lots of NA bevs on hand, eating ice cream for dinner - whatever- just had to happen. I couldn't exercise for awhile bc I was really sick when I quit, but I did start a baby running practice a few months in that turned into monthly 5Ks by the end of that calendar yr and into the next.
The new habits thing - "people, places and practices" - is SO important. I still don't do some of the stuff I did when drinking- mainly bc I found I don't enjoy that stuff- but it actually JUST dawned on me writing this that for quite awhile now, I cook dinner nearly every night, whether for my husband and me or for him to have when he gets home late, and don't have any association w wine. Wow!
I've shared this before- but even things that seemed kinda "out there" had to be new options for me. One being that when I went to the grocery, I didn't carry a purse since I used to buy wine to put in there so others wouldn't see it, used the clear plastic bags instead of any kind of cloth tote like they have around here (the environment could take a backseat), I took a set amount of cash, got the receipt and showed it to one of my parents. And I was 39, btw
Every path is different, but I haven't heard anyone say they regretted being sober the next day, and for me, looking back and thinking "huh, I'd have been ok [there/doing that/with those people]" was ok and a process, but I didn't wish I'd risked it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
Treat yourself to a snack, non-alcoholic beverage or both. Ice cream doesn't cause shame, humiliation, and regret
But if you're like me, alcohol sure does. Along with destruction of my life, finances, friendships, relationships, and everything I hold dear.
But if you're like me, alcohol sure does. Along with destruction of my life, finances, friendships, relationships, and everything I hold dear.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 388
I always posted to SR first, usually in my November class. That was what got me through those very tough Fridsy evenings early on.
remember, like Anna says, motivation is the most important factor in successfully quitting drinking. Don't worry, It will get much eaiser in time.
remember, like Anna says, motivation is the most important factor in successfully quitting drinking. Don't worry, It will get much eaiser in time.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 141
Originally Posted by Anna
I think it's really important to have a firm plan.
I decided to start taking long walks, at least an hour, right after dinner. For me, that has worked really well.
I decided to start taking long walks, at least an hour, right after dinner. For me, that has worked really well.
If you're mind is engaged with intention...less room for rogue drinking monsters to pop up and natter at ya ; )
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
I filled the early days with chores. As soon as a craving would hit, I’d get up and do ANYTHING- laundry, dishes, wipe the counters, organize the fridge, walk the dog, eat something . I also read a lot on SR - hours per day, to help get me through. I learned about HALTS here (hungry, angry, lonely, tired, stressed) and how ignoring any of these could increase the cravings.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Changing your routine might help - be doing something different at 4pm?
there are lots of other good ideas here too
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html (CarolD's tips for cravings)
D
there are lots of other good ideas here too
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html (CarolD's tips for cravings)
D
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