Anger
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 1
Anger
I feel like a glass, I fill up little by little, but not with water. It's ANGER and rage. Today I have reached my tipping point. I swore I would NOT drink anymore, but I can't. I can't make all this anger go away. It begs me to turn it off it by drinking. I want to forget I'm angry, but I can't get rid of these feelings.
But I know that tomorrow I'll feel guilty and sick. I can't cope with anger and this is intefering with my recovery. I wish I could channel this negative energy into more positive things, but I feel like punching someone. I hurt myself by drinking instead. Why is it so hard to stay sober?
I'll never be sober. Specially when I feel that the whole universe is against me.
But I know that tomorrow I'll feel guilty and sick. I can't cope with anger and this is intefering with my recovery. I wish I could channel this negative energy into more positive things, but I feel like punching someone. I hurt myself by drinking instead. Why is it so hard to stay sober?
I'll never be sober. Specially when I feel that the whole universe is against me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 591
HALT, halt stands for hungry, angry, lonely, thirsty..... these are classic triggers for drinking. I know it is extremely difficult but drinking will not help, don’t make a bad day worse by drinking. I was so livid Monday but I wrote here, had a good cry and went to the gym although I didn’t feel like working out. I went home, cried again, and went to sleep. The next day I woke up still upset but without a hangover and guilt. White knuckle through it if you have to. Do anything to distract you, just don’t drink.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi Crickets - I'm glad you joined us. This is a great place to talk things over.
As you already know, drinking doesn't really give us any relief from anger & frustration. It's a temporary bit of numbness, but our problems are still there when we sober up - plus we're hungover & miserable. Nothing gets resolved if we keep oursleves weak & unable to take action. Staying clear headed when we have challenges is the only way to fight back against unfairness. Yes, you can get sober.
As you already know, drinking doesn't really give us any relief from anger & frustration. It's a temporary bit of numbness, but our problems are still there when we sober up - plus we're hungover & miserable. Nothing gets resolved if we keep oursleves weak & unable to take action. Staying clear headed when we have challenges is the only way to fight back against unfairness. Yes, you can get sober.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Crickets, I'm glad you joined us.
Reading your post, it seems to me that you need to get to the bottom of your anger. What is it in your life that is making you so angry? What changes can you make so that you will feel less anger? And, finally, what are some healthy ways in which to deal with your anger?
Reading your post, it seems to me that you need to get to the bottom of your anger. What is it in your life that is making you so angry? What changes can you make so that you will feel less anger? And, finally, what are some healthy ways in which to deal with your anger?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
So what came first, the anger or the alcoholism?
In my case, I thought I was drinking in order to blot out justifiable anger, too, but by the end of my drinking days, it was the other way around.
It turned out that thanks to the progressive nature of alcohol addiction, I was eventually living in a constant state of withdrawal any time I wasn't actually drunk. This greatly exacerbated feelings of anger, depression, self-pity, and anxiety.
Once I finally put down the bottle for good, a lot of my emotional issues cleared up on their own. The rest I learned how to deal with in recovery.
Maybe try doing whatever it takes to stay away from alcohol for a set period of time -- say, 90 days -- and then see how you feel. If you're serious about quitting drinking, you've come to the right place for help and support.
Glad you're here!
In my case, I thought I was drinking in order to blot out justifiable anger, too, but by the end of my drinking days, it was the other way around.
It turned out that thanks to the progressive nature of alcohol addiction, I was eventually living in a constant state of withdrawal any time I wasn't actually drunk. This greatly exacerbated feelings of anger, depression, self-pity, and anxiety.
Once I finally put down the bottle for good, a lot of my emotional issues cleared up on their own. The rest I learned how to deal with in recovery.
Maybe try doing whatever it takes to stay away from alcohol for a set period of time -- say, 90 days -- and then see how you feel. If you're serious about quitting drinking, you've come to the right place for help and support.
Glad you're here!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi and welcome cricket 
Maybe it's not sobreity thats making you angry?
perhaps the fact you keep feeding it by, sooner or later giving in and drinking again?
I could never get rid of my anger while I was drinking because my drinking fed that anger.,
Every slight against me, every injustice, every item I was duped or tricked or cheated or beaten down...
alcohol fed that rage and made it impossible for me to forget or let go. I held grudges for decades.
It took a little time and energy for me to work though all that sober. Like I said some of it was decades old.
There;s no quick fix, but I had to be sober to work though it.
If you find it hard to deal with yourself have you considered counselling perhaps?
D
Maybe it's not sobreity thats making you angry?
perhaps the fact you keep feeding it by, sooner or later giving in and drinking again?
I could never get rid of my anger while I was drinking because my drinking fed that anger.,
Every slight against me, every injustice, every item I was duped or tricked or cheated or beaten down...
alcohol fed that rage and made it impossible for me to forget or let go. I held grudges for decades.
It took a little time and energy for me to work though all that sober. Like I said some of it was decades old.
There;s no quick fix, but I had to be sober to work though it.
If you find it hard to deal with yourself have you considered counselling perhaps?
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Anger and it's close ally, resentment, are best dealt with sober. All my anger was caused by resentment, at least I can't think of an exception to that right now. It's still true that my current anger is caused by resentment, although there's a lot less of it. Ideally, we should rid ourselves of every last bit of resentment we harbor, but a workable short term goal could be to get it down to manageable levels, where it's not constantly and habitually tormenting our minds, and thus our joy.
Resentments are a danger to our sobriety, but maybe more so to our emotional health. I personally think there could be 1 or 2 extra steps in AA devoted solely to anger management. As it is, there is only a cautionary mention of it in the Big Book, as if everyone instinctively knows how to manage. What I learned about anger management was through open and rather informal discussions in meetings, since the program actually says little about how it's done. One of my most profound moments of clarity in AA came about through an informal discussion about resentments with other alcoholics in AA. It was one of those moments where a switch is flipped and the light suddenly comes on. A group is helpful here rather than one on one discussions, because there is combined insight in a group that individuals can't offer.
Anger and resentments are big issues and took some actual hard work and concentration on my part. Some people seem to manage them with ease and grace. But I wasn't one of those.
Resentments are a danger to our sobriety, but maybe more so to our emotional health. I personally think there could be 1 or 2 extra steps in AA devoted solely to anger management. As it is, there is only a cautionary mention of it in the Big Book, as if everyone instinctively knows how to manage. What I learned about anger management was through open and rather informal discussions in meetings, since the program actually says little about how it's done. One of my most profound moments of clarity in AA came about through an informal discussion about resentments with other alcoholics in AA. It was one of those moments where a switch is flipped and the light suddenly comes on. A group is helpful here rather than one on one discussions, because there is combined insight in a group that individuals can't offer.
Anger and resentments are big issues and took some actual hard work and concentration on my part. Some people seem to manage them with ease and grace. But I wasn't one of those.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
Hi Crickets,
As I was reading this I realized these could have been my own words not too long ago. I was very angry for a very long time. Just thinking about how I carried that around with me for so damn long gives me a queasy feeling in my stomach.
In sobriety I came to realize something. In actuality it was something I knew all along but couldn't bring to tell myself: I was angry because I thought I wasn't worthy of or deserving of love. I didn't even love myself. My anger wasn't intended to be a sword but rather a shield. It was false bravado in the faces of nameless, faceless hordes who I believed wanted to hurt me.
The only way I was able to get past all that was to learn to love myself. Quitting poisoning myself was only the beginning, I needed to do a lot of soul searching. Good luck to you.
As I was reading this I realized these could have been my own words not too long ago. I was very angry for a very long time. Just thinking about how I carried that around with me for so damn long gives me a queasy feeling in my stomach.
In sobriety I came to realize something. In actuality it was something I knew all along but couldn't bring to tell myself: I was angry because I thought I wasn't worthy of or deserving of love. I didn't even love myself. My anger wasn't intended to be a sword but rather a shield. It was false bravado in the faces of nameless, faceless hordes who I believed wanted to hurt me.
The only way I was able to get past all that was to learn to love myself. Quitting poisoning myself was only the beginning, I needed to do a lot of soul searching. Good luck to you.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome Crickets, sorry you are having a bad time of it lately. I think pretty much every addict/alcoholic was angry that they had to quit drinking/using. I know I was - I was furious that it just wasn't fair that other people could drink and that I could not. Having said that, for the most part the drinking was actually the reason I was so angry at times. Which is why it seems so counterintuitive that your addiction wants you to keep doing the very thing that is the cause of the problem. But that's the insanity of addiction - and the reason that you'll never know "why" we are the way we are.
And you are probably right - you never will be sober if you continue to do the same thing over and over. And you are also right that it hard to quit -and even harder to stay quit. But like most things in life worth having, it's worth the hard work in the long run. It's also possible that you might have anger/rage issues that you need to see a therapist about - but you have to stop drinking before you can address any of those issues.
This community is filled with people who were in exactly the same spot as you are now - and some of them are in the same spot. You will find a lot of information here on how to quit and many different ways people stay quit. Ask a lot of questions and take the time to listen to the responses. You probably won't like some of them - and there's probably even things that I just wrote that will make you angry, but some things you need to hear even if you don't want to.
And you are probably right - you never will be sober if you continue to do the same thing over and over. And you are also right that it hard to quit -and even harder to stay quit. But like most things in life worth having, it's worth the hard work in the long run. It's also possible that you might have anger/rage issues that you need to see a therapist about - but you have to stop drinking before you can address any of those issues.
This community is filled with people who were in exactly the same spot as you are now - and some of them are in the same spot. You will find a lot of information here on how to quit and many different ways people stay quit. Ask a lot of questions and take the time to listen to the responses. You probably won't like some of them - and there's probably even things that I just wrote that will make you angry, but some things you need to hear even if you don't want to.
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