Lucy79

doggonecarl

Till they get it right. Remember why you are seeking sobriety. As you posted not to long ago, "My kids and husband deserve a healthy and sober mom."

And you deserve a sober life with said kids and husband.

WaterOx

No problem at all. Glad you're here and chose to reach out

ConfusedGuy

Hey! - Glad you posted. Keep logged in. Keep posting. Only got 10 days myself.
Shame, hopless - been to that place! many times!

Look after yourself now, get sleep, drink lots of water - it will get better soon.

tomsteve

the day after my first AA meeting-when i felt i was a holepless,helpless,useless,worthless POS and ready for help- was the 1st time in my life i said an honest, sincere prayer to God for help. he guided me as i did the footwork to recover.
i no longer feel that way with the added benefit of loving myself today.

you can have that happen,too, lucy if you work for it.

margbella

Hello Lucy. I stopped drinking a week ago after a horrible final week of drinking day and night. Was in the same state as you mentally too. I have tried to quit more times than I can count. But giving in trying to give up for good? Come on girl, we are not wimps, you cannot continue to drink with all the grief and havoc it brings and go through countless horrifying withdrawals, and be a wimp. We are quite hardy, and stubborn,.We keep coming back for more punishment, cos we can do it, l we can drink normally THIS time, even if we couldn't the other 20 thousand times,
We are actually tough cookies to keep plugging on chasing that lost cause with the misery it brings

From now on all my stubborn pigheaded hardness is going on not caving to urges and not drinking for any reason and getting into a position where I can gain some self respect. Come join me ��

Dee74

Hi Lucy

maybe you need a better plan? What are you doing to stay sober?

D

Obladi

Lucy, I'm sorry that you are going through this. The start/stop/start again cycle is agonizing when you really want to get and stay sober. I've been at this for years as well - Carl is right, it takes whatever it takes.

The shame and hopelessness are a heavy burden to carry. But you can put them down. You are not hopeless; you DO have the power in you to Not Drink. You are not shameful; you have an addiction you had no intent of developing. You're not feeling well, and that sucks. Try to remember you are legitimately sick today and you deserve to be nice to yourself. I don't care that it's self-inflicted, you still are suffering and that deserves compassion.

Why did you decide to start to drink over the weekend?

O

Caramel

^ I agree, this is not a moral issue, there is no need for shame, this is not about being "good" or "bad", in my opinion.

I find it helpful to think of things I *will* do, rather than what I won't do.
They don't have to be quantum-leap things, they can be small simple steps.
What nurturing, nourishing things might you plan into your day?

Lucy79

Lucy79

resolute50

Remember you really only fail if you stop trying.
You know it took me a couple times to get it right.
And that was over 5 1/2 years ago.
Don't beat yourself up too much.

biminiblue

I believe that when I earnestly ask God for help, He hears me. If I thought for one minute that a loving God would want me or you to be enslaved to alcohol, that would not be a God I could follow.

My God wants me to be whole. I think if you believe He can heal you, you will find direction. You are the beloved.

Hevyn

Lucy - I did the same thing a couple times, but I now have 11 yrs sober. So I know you can get free of it too. You haven't given up - you came back to talk about what happened. That's something to be proud of. We are with you as you continue your journey to sobriety.

PhoenixJ

Keep posting Lucy, try to get some outside support- meetings, GP, coffee group at community centre??

Support to you.

least

It took me many tries before I 'got it', but I kept trying til I finally 'got it right'. Don't give up!

Mummyto2

Sometimes we have to fail before we can succeed, keep going you can do this

Hevyn

How are you today, Lucy?

Lucy79

I'm doing better then yesterday, that's for sure. Thank you all for the replies. I had a super busy day today so I'm happy I made it through, although still have a few more things to do. Although in the past I haven't been so keen on AA, it's been years since I've been to a meeting, I'm thinking of gathering up some courage and going to a face to face meeting. I so desperately want to be rid of this AV voice and the life I'm throwing away because of it. I need to meet other people going through the same thing. I love these forums and the support, hoping I could find some support in person too. So I'm going to give it a try again. I always would say "gee, I just don't have time to fit in a meeting" But I've had plenty of time to fit in drinking and all the conniving and planning that goes along with that. Nothing will change if nothing changes. I so appreciate everyone's replies. I am rewriting my plan as I obviously did not stick to it. I have been going to some online meetings in the morning.

Gottalife

I am very encouraged by your last post Lucy. I tried everything else that was suggested here, and nothing worked. While the will to do good was in me, the performance was not.

I made a sort of deal, I threw my self into AA - meetings - sponsor - steps, and if I was not happy with the result atter three months, they would refund my misery at the door. I never claimed the refund. By three months my life had changed completely.

It wasn't the meetings, though they were important. One piece of AA literature gives a clue. "The steps are a set of principles, spiritual in nature which, if practiced as a way of life, can expel the desire to drink".

There was some work involved. Like they say, God can move mountains, but you better bring a shovel.