SoberDad86

So, I'm not sure exactly if what I'm doing correctly or incorrectly in my 3 weeks sober, but I do know the most important thing I have done right is not take a drink..

That being said, I feel almost like I'm kind of just waiting to feel something better? something different? I pose that as a question because I'm not really sick, or even depressed, but I guess I have a unrealistic expectation that one morning I will wake up and life will be rainbows and unicorn farts. I've been focusing on fitness, eating healthy and spending quality time with my kids and been successful in all these areas the last few weeks.

But..

I still think about alcohol every day, often. Not in the way that I crave a drink or anything, actually its more like I just think about NOT drinking, even as I type this it doesn't really make sense, but I just want to not have it on my mind all the time. I wish I could pretend it didn't even exist.

I suppose I'm just wondering what others with extended sobriety far beyond my own have experienced with this almost subconscious obsession.

Maudcat

I started to feel like the me before drinking about three months in. That is when cravings kinda went away, too.
Everyone is different. I found the few weeks of no alcohol tough.
Hang in there.

Finalround

For me it took a transition from trying to be sober, to being sober.
Constantly trying to stay sober and avoid triggers and fight off urges and not get too down forced me to think constantly about NOT drinking. Exhausting.

I know I couldn't take 1 drink. I WAS powerless over alcohols pull. I didn't ever want to feel another hangover ever again. So I figured what the hell am I fighting so hard for? I do not want that anymore. Why am I giving it so much of my energy?

I just decided, I don't drink. Suddenly my day was wide open. I filled it with things that I WANT TO DO for ME! Not things to keep me away from drinking.

If you believe that our thoughts are things, creative things, then our thoughts will be created. Constantly thinking about my fight against alcohol, gave it it's existence. The fight ended when I stopped fighting it. I chose sobriety.

I'm not insinuating this is easily accomplished or possible in early sobriety but at some point we need to transition into being sober. Take the drink (addiction) off the table. I still know that I need to be constantly vigilant and aware of cracks in my sobriety, but I no longer need to focus so hard on it. I've chosen other goals that I'm putting my full focus and energy into. And I'm am so filled with joy and promise and excitement. Especially considering last August when I turned 48 I felt like the best was behind me. I was depressed, miserable and drunk every day just to get through it. Now, I say "hell no". Second act. I got sh#t to do!

Not sure if I made any sense to you, but that's when the switch flipped for me.

You are doing great btw. Keep going, it gets better.

scared1

Thank you Finalround... That made alot of sense to me.

TacoDude

Like you, SoberDad, I'm on day 22, beginning my 4th week of sobriety. That you have come this far is an accomplishment, but it does take time to get used to sobriety. I also think of drinking often, not so much as a craving as it was for me in my first week, but more of the realization that I am now living life sober. There is a void that living without alcohol creates, and filling it with nurturing and meaningful activities will help lessen both the frequency and intensity of those thoughts of drinking.

Being fully present with whatever's happening in any given moment helps me to see what a gift sobriety really is without the constant dread, anxiety, hangovers, daily withdrawals I was going through each day.

Keep up the good work, and post often!

WeThinkNot

When I was starting sobriety I also obsessed about the not drinking because I hadn't formed new habits yet. No matter what I was doing I included the caveat that I wasn't drinking. I'm doing the laundry and not drinking. I'm brushing my teeth and not drinking. I'm in line at the DMV and not drinking. I'm looking into a telescope and not drinking.

After soldiering through the first few months I got to work on building a better life so drinking wouldn't even enter my thoughts. Hitting the weights like a beast. Quitting smoking. Eating healthier. Becoming debt free. Getting a promotion at work. Meditating.

At first I had obsessive tunnel vision on my goals because I felt my sobriety was at stake. The more I accomplished the happier I became on the inside. Somewhere along the way I subconsciously stopped thinking about the not drinking aspect and was just focused on building the most beautiful life possible for myself.

Now I wake up well rested every morning and I'm happy. Be patient and continue working your program and you'll get there as well.

Guener

I will have a year of sobriety in one month, and I still think about not drinking every day.

It's not that I'm obsessed with not picking up a drink all the time, but I am aware of it in the sense of a potential threat. I drank very, very hard for 35 years, so it's a monumental change for me not to be doing so any longer. It's hard not to think about not drinking when you come to SR every day to make sure that you are on stable ground.

It doesn't drive me nutty to feel this way, though for a while I also wanted to not being thinking about drinking at all.

I'm changing a lot of things about the way that I think, and not just about alcohol. That takes a lot of energy, indeed. I'd rather be doing this than back in the life I had, so I accept it and try to exercise my patience.

lessgravity

I can remember this exact thing. That feeling of thinking about drinking all day long, its a kind of torture. I specifically remember exactly the thoughts you describe - not necessarily urges to drink, but just a constant flow of thoughts about drinking. I remember wishing it would stop. I also remember members of SR telling me about how over time those thoughts, and their frequency, would fade. And now I'm able to say the same to you - the constant thoughts about drinking do go away. There are whole days that pass. And when they do come, they aren't intrusive, they come and go, like thoughts of some ex girlfriend.

Keep it moving man. Do the work. It gets better.

Obladi

No long-term sobriety here, but I'm qualified as a former long-term relapser.

In past quits, I thought about drinking in that obsessive way. But this time, 34 days in, I don't and haven't. I mean, I have urges maybe a coupla few times/week, but it's by no means a constant thing.

Finalround describes the same experience I've had - this time, I was just Done. So when I have those thoughts, I remind myself that I don't drink anymore and move on to the next thing. Sometimes it takes 5 or 10 minutes of the thought running around in my brain, but I just do a broken-record thing with it - I don't drink and I'm not changing my mind. And 15 minutes later, I forget that I was even thinking about drinking.

Life is decidedly not rainbows and unicorns, but I didn't expect those things just because I stopped drinking. My expectation was that life would no longer be miserable due to my drinking. And that has happened. For now, that's a hell of a gain. I think I'll need to go seek out the fluffy clouds at some point, but living a "normal" life is enough at the moment.

Turn the prism, man! Focusing on fitness, good eating and quality time with your kids is AWEsome! I'll bet you're sleeping, too. If you think back past 4 weeks ago to what it was like then, how does today contrast?

O

Rd2quit

I will be at 6 months in a few days. The time spent thinking about drinking continually decreases. For example, I enjoy going to NBA games. I used to drink quite a bit before, during, and after, the games. The first couple of times I went to a game sober it was weird and unfamiliar not drinking beers through the whole game. Now when I go, it may not even cross my mind. I just enjoy the game and can even remember it!

Zighoul

Tetrax

Just keep at it man. Maybe get involved with AA if you think you can get on board. I had three weeks recently and fell off the wagon, lost my job, etc. Really wished I'd pushed harder with the AA stuff, personally.

I mean obviously that means thinking (and talking) about not drinking but I think if the obsession's gonna be there for a while it needs a related, but ultimately healthy, outlet.

And the obsession is the danger. Thoughts in your head over and over and over. I just needed the slightest excuse to tip me over the edge.

least

I found that practicing gratitude every day helped the drinking thoughts to go away. It gave me a focus on the positive and a healthy attitude.

I think I was around a year sober when I realized one day that I wasn't thinking about drinking all the time. It was just normal to not drink and I didn't have to devote all my attention to it. I'm not saying to be complacent, I just stopped obsessing about it.

least

Forgot to add the link to the article about gratitude.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0

MindfulMan

Exactly my experience, particularly the bolded lines.

I. Just. Don't. Drink. Anymore.

There was no more "try." No more resistance. It simply wasn't part of my life.

I came from a terrifying final binge that almost killed me, and had been in and out of deep alcoholism for most of my adult life. Mostly in. As in seriously ill.

Once I took drinking completely off the table, I was no longer in and out. I was just out. For good.

This approach doesn't work for everyone, but it worked for me. Going to meetings all the time would just reinforce the "not drinking" part.

I'd say the switch flipped around 2 weeks into inpatient rehab, and fortunately I had another three weeks behind walls to keep me away from it. The stuff I did after that in sobriety was more like buying insurance that I wouldn't drink.

I'd say by the time I finished outpatient at about 5 month sober I was completely done.

MLD51

I remember feeling that way early on. I just wanted to be normal again and not be thinking about and working on sobriety and thinking about drinking and not drinking every minute of every day. I was exhausted. I was going to outpatient treatment, going to AA a lot. Reading everything sobriety-related I could get my hands on. Facing DUI charges that would ultimately send me to jail for a couple of weeks. My every waking (and sometimes sleeping) moment was dominated by recovery. But you know what? Thinking back, it was exactly what needed to happen. I was all in. When I made that decision to quit, I took it on with a vengeance almost. I was going to get and stay sober NO MATTER WHAT.

Over time, I thought about it less and less. But I'd say it was several months before I began to realize I was going big parts of days just living a sober life and not obsessing anymore. I wasn't looking for rainbows and unicorn farts, I just wanted to be free of the whirling cyclone of chaos that my life was while I was drinking. And that was happening. Things improved steadily. I was working the steps pretty hard and the promises were coming true. It's a process. You don't wake up one day and have a great life. It takes time, work, and support. But now, when I slow down and really take a look at my life now compared to how it was, I do see rainbows. Yeah, it's not perfect, it's still life, I have challenges like everyone else. But the chaos is gone. I make grown-up decisions and take care of myself and my family. I show up sober and I'm no longer creating regrets and problems because of drinking. It's a good life.