Need help managing work situations
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 104
I finally gave up drinking over one Christmas and told people it was a New Years resolution. With hindsight not sure who I was kidding, it was obvious to my immediate colleagues I had a big drink problem and the situation at home was desperate. But I guess it gave me something to say and I had taken up jogging in part as a distraction, in part cover story.
Over twenty years of sobriety later I just don’t even think about other people’s reaction to my sobriety although I share that view that it’s only other problem drinkers who care....and fwiw my colleagues 20 years ago would have characterised me as the office drinker who often ended up embarrassing them or myself. Now if asked I guess they would say oh yes him, he’s the marathon runner....
Over twenty years of sobriety later I just don’t even think about other people’s reaction to my sobriety although I share that view that it’s only other problem drinkers who care....and fwiw my colleagues 20 years ago would have characterised me as the office drinker who often ended up embarrassing them or myself. Now if asked I guess they would say oh yes him, he’s the marathon runner....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Haven't posted in a minute(but I'm back!!).. How would your 'drinking self' react to people "high browing" your drinking 'style'? Act the same way with your NOT drinking! **I** didn't care what people thought of my drinking,to a degree and I'll be damned if I give two sh!ts what people think of me not drinking!! I also really had to 'dumb down' my sobriety(early) when I got serious about it..just like I 'amped up' the bullsh!!t I spewed to continue drinking. Own yourself and YOUR actions...the rest will fall into place... In time. Other people can do whatever.. They don't employee you as a drinking buddy.. I'd be retired if that was an actual position in a company.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 409
Thanks for all the support, I may be making too much out of it because I feel a little shaky.
There are these work events once in a while but I mostly get to work from home which is a huge perk and that is worth a lot.
Having to be in an office environment every day would put my stress levels over the top so I guess I just need to stay in my power about these lunches/parties and stop caring what others think.
There is that stupid political "good ole girl" or "good ole boy" bonding thing that some leaders in corporations attempt to do over alcohol which is annoying and very outdated.
Well, I am going to stop worrying for now.
Happy Friday all
There are these work events once in a while but I mostly get to work from home which is a huge perk and that is worth a lot.
Having to be in an office environment every day would put my stress levels over the top so I guess I just need to stay in my power about these lunches/parties and stop caring what others think.
There is that stupid political "good ole girl" or "good ole boy" bonding thing that some leaders in corporations attempt to do over alcohol which is annoying and very outdated.
Well, I am going to stop worrying for now.
Happy Friday all
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
There you go.
I worried a lot about what people would think when I first stopped drinking.
Turns out, no one cares!
Understand your being nervous about it, though.
As you get stronger sober muscles, it will become less important.
Good luck.
I worried a lot about what people would think when I first stopped drinking.
Turns out, no one cares!
Understand your being nervous about it, though.
As you get stronger sober muscles, it will become less important.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
I had to deal with this and it was very difficult. Many an attempt at sobriety was ruined by these situations until I decided that I could either get a different job or just face it down. I faced it down. Just yesterday I had one of these events and nobody batted an eye because they have become used to it or they just didn’t notice or a combination or both, or.., who knows? I don’t care and they don’t seem to either.
They do them and I do me.
You’re not being insubordinate by not drinking unless you’re literally a wine taster by trade. This is a work function so not going may be considered insubordination but no one can tell you what you do or don’t put in your body. They also aren’t entitled to an answer if they ask.
Imagine if I’d drank at the staff meeting early in sobriety. I wouldn’t be where I am now. A few people said something. In retrospect I get it. I was always drinking at those things. It was weird that I wasn’t. Maybe they wondered if I was pregnant. Maybe they wondered if I stopped drinking. Maybe they were looking forward to raging with me. That’s all about them though and not about me. And it is all so trivial compared to the enormity of how profound the changes in literally everything in my life have been from getting and staying sober.
Whatever it takes. I’m personally a fan of not lying, and not proving details. Them: (sideeye) “What are you drinking?” Me: (same sideeye) “huh?” Them: “whatcha got there?” Me: (dismissive) “uh, seltzer.” (Change subject because it’s a stupid question).
You have to be deferential with your boss when it comes to work but NOT with your body. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. They don’t own you.
Edit to add: if they ask why, pause and make it clear that this is a stupid and invasive question. Take control. “Because that’s the beverage I chose.” Depending, you could make it funny and make fun of their choice (e.g. “why did you get that cab? It smells like ammonia dude. Classy”) - I choose the high road and just change the subject, but find that usually works best when I always do the subtle or not so subtle cue that the question is ridiculous. Like Dee said, this is work, not grade school. You’re not at the school cafeteria with a crowd of children making fun of you for eating the canned beets. (That happened to me when I was 7 and you know what? I still f-ing LOVE canned beets.)
They do them and I do me.
You’re not being insubordinate by not drinking unless you’re literally a wine taster by trade. This is a work function so not going may be considered insubordination but no one can tell you what you do or don’t put in your body. They also aren’t entitled to an answer if they ask.
Imagine if I’d drank at the staff meeting early in sobriety. I wouldn’t be where I am now. A few people said something. In retrospect I get it. I was always drinking at those things. It was weird that I wasn’t. Maybe they wondered if I was pregnant. Maybe they wondered if I stopped drinking. Maybe they were looking forward to raging with me. That’s all about them though and not about me. And it is all so trivial compared to the enormity of how profound the changes in literally everything in my life have been from getting and staying sober.
Whatever it takes. I’m personally a fan of not lying, and not proving details. Them: (sideeye) “What are you drinking?” Me: (same sideeye) “huh?” Them: “whatcha got there?” Me: (dismissive) “uh, seltzer.” (Change subject because it’s a stupid question).
You have to be deferential with your boss when it comes to work but NOT with your body. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. They don’t own you.
Edit to add: if they ask why, pause and make it clear that this is a stupid and invasive question. Take control. “Because that’s the beverage I chose.” Depending, you could make it funny and make fun of their choice (e.g. “why did you get that cab? It smells like ammonia dude. Classy”) - I choose the high road and just change the subject, but find that usually works best when I always do the subtle or not so subtle cue that the question is ridiculous. Like Dee said, this is work, not grade school. You’re not at the school cafeteria with a crowd of children making fun of you for eating the canned beets. (That happened to me when I was 7 and you know what? I still f-ing LOVE canned beets.)
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