Livingonwishes

So here I am on day number 70 since my last drink. But I have to confess I don't feel any different and that is starting to worry me.

Yes I wake up with a clear head, I function so much better, my health has improved but I can't help feeling something is not right or is missing.


The only way I can describe how I feel is by saying I feel lost and alone. I have friends who are at a similar point in their sobriety and seem so happy and filled with life and joy and revel in each day sober they have achieved. And I can't feel any of that. If anything I feel I have lost something.


I don't think about being sober until someone mentions it or I make a concerted effort to acknowledge my achievement. I have various Apps on my phone that track "How well I am doing" but after the initial excitement I rarely look at them. I am part of a few groups online made up of people at various stages of recovery but I have got to the point where I don't feel I have anything to offer them.


I attend AA on a regular basis but have never shared and I am at a point where just attending isn't enough any more. I don't feel I have anything worth sharing and so I don't but I look at those who are doing the steps and wonder what they are getting from it all. Maybe I need to start the steps to be able to understand and to get my enthusiasm back for being sober but most of the meetings I attend have a greater number of women than men and of those men that I can ask to sponsor me they have all basically said they can't give me the time and attention I need to start the journey.

I have no intention of drinking again, it rarely crosses my mind, but I am at the point where I feel lost and alone and am mourning some of the things, people and situations I have lost in gaining my sobriety.


I no longer enjoy my sobriety, it has become something I am and don't think about and that scares me as it is unfocussed and a dangerous road but I really don't know what else I can do to get that spark back and appreciate being sober. Without AA I would undoubtedly be drinking again but I need more than I am gaining by just attending the meetings and I am feel I am losing friends who are at the same points in their life but are starting the steps and still feel the joy of being sober on a daily basis.


I feel so lost and lonely at the moment and I have no-one I can tell and can't see a way out...…


Thanks for listening once again...

decchemist

You wake up with a clear head, you function better and you are healthier. These are all positives and you can afford to be very pleased with yourself for getting to this point.

There is not necessarily going to be other miraculous changes to your life, where you cannot stop smiling 24/7 or where you are excited as a child in a sweet shop.

What you need to do is find activities to fill your now absent drinking time. Go to evening class, do couch to 5K, take up a musical instrument, volunteer.

Is there another AA group nearby where you may get be able to get a sponsor?

The key thing is do not become complacent about your sobriety.

Livingonwishes

I appreciate all the positives, and feel lucky that I have gained my sobriety early enough to prevent my life becoming any worse.

I was a day drinker. And when I say day I mean all day. My problem is that I am unemployed and rely on a meagre benefits system and so can't afford to join clubs or do much that requires money. As far as volunteering is concerned, my drinking got me into so much trouble that I can't even do that for legal reasons.


As I said I have friends who are about the same point as I am and have this wonderful outlook and so much positivity about being sober and I feel I am failing because I can't feel the same way and don't have that same enthusiasm.


As fa as local AA meets goes I have attended most of the local ones and it is the same situation at each. I do have one local one I haven't tried yet but I do know some of those that do attend and it doesn't sound like that they are much better. I shall see as I intend to speak to someone who attends and find out if it is worth me going for that specific reason.

Thank you though, I do understand what you are saying and it has lifted me a little. I find it hard when everyone I see and speak to just talks about being sober and I kind of feel disassociated and numb....

decchemist

Living in Cornwall are you close to a beach? I live far from the sea in the Midlands but whenever I go on holiday I walk on the beach and pick up litter. This makes me feel good. Have you tried this?

Couch to 5K is free. Local libraries are free. There are other activities that don't cost much, certainly not as much as drinking! You are stuck in a rut it seems. You can get out if you try - it's hard but not impossible.

Anna

It sounds like you need to add something to your life at this point. Is it possible you could work on a resume and search for a job? The search itself could give you a sense of accomplishment. Or, maybe you could be somewhat creative. I have a friend who has a small youtube channel and generates a small income through that. I also have a friend who blogs about a minimalist lifestyle and that has helped financially.

If you take some kind of action I think it would help yourself feel good about your life.

MustStop

When I got sober - bit by bit I changed out my life from the version that drunk me had made to the new and improved one made by sober me. I think around the 70 day mark I had re-arranged my living space and bought some new things to change the look, took up walking in the evenings, focused on eating healthier, wrote out goals I wanted to hit and how I would hit them and went from there.

fini

yes, as you imply, you need more than meetings.
if you truly know there is no one guy who "has what you want" and is up for sponsorship, ask a woman whose life in sobriety is lived with integrity and ask her.
there is no actual "rule" in AA about stuff like that.

JoeCree

70 days in will not be life changing. Much like alcoholism itself it creeps slowly. It didnt take 70 days for you to become a day drinker, give sobriety the time it deserves to undo so many of the ills of drinking; mentally and physically.

It's also worth noting that humans are not predisposed to being in a state of happiness. You have to learn to recognize the fleeting moments and reflect on them.

For me, i utterly love going to bed sober, and waking up sober. Those are two moments in each day that gives me a feeling of accomplishment. No matter my mood, no matter how rough the day was at work, I am still going to bed in a clear and clean state of mind.

After 3+ years my day contains many other moments of happiness, not ever before experienced while drinking. But when i began this journey, yeah I was like you, questioning the point of it all.

If you had done some things that wont allow you to volunteer, might I suggest that if you go through a day that improves or rectifies your past then there is actually a win. Something you should celebrate and be proud of.

Thats right. At this point in your life, by merely NOT screwing up you are becoming a better you. Chin up, that is something to be proud of.

nez

I had 5 years of sobriety and can relate to your story and feelings very much because it parallels mine in that during that 5 years I pretty much did the same as you. About all I did was attend meetings.

I relapsed and returned to drinking for a year and a half.

This time, when I came back into the rooms of AA, I knew that something needed to change about my approach. So I started working the steps. The difference is night and day. My first 5 years, the only thing that I changed was that I didn't drink, so that was all that changed. This time around because of working the steps, much more has changed. All I can say is WOW!!!

I started the steps without a sponsor. The process of working the steps opened me up. Opening me up meant I started sharing. Sharing opened me up to other people. Being opened to other people brought me a sponsor. Having a sponsor helped with completing the steps. Completing the steps has resulted in me now having 15 years of grateful recovery.

For me, it all started with starting... and continuing to move forward.

least

If your sobriety isn't satisfying you, practice gratitude every day. I did, and it changed my whole life.

August252015

Glad you are sharing. To me the super obvious answer is yes, to get a sponsor and work the steps. So many people I have met along my (almost 3 yr, so not that long) journey have said it made the key difference in the whole "being sober but just not feeling [more, inspired, different, etc] in significant ways." Perhaps now is a good time to try the 90 in 90 that folks recommend and do the steps with that sponsor?

Good luck and decision making.

Paperbag

I suppose you've forgotten how to live without drinking. I reckon I'll be the same for a long time. I've been drinking since early teens on a regular basis, and hated it from about 5 - 6 years ago.

Because of that, I have no idea what to do whilst sober, as I don't know, I haven't done it before as a grown up!

I suppose we just have to learn to get on and do stuff, and find out what keeps us happy and occupied.

Dee74

Hi Livingonwishes

I did not feel that different at 70 days - from 90 says tho, some things began to shift.

I realised that even tho I was sober, I still often thought like an alcoholic - I wanted everything now , delivered to me with mot much effort - and of course that was not how life works in most cases.

The move from that to starting to build a sober life I love happened around day 90

As for other [people - I learned not to compare my insides with their outsides.

Most people have a hard road an d a little bit of internal battle going on in early recovery. Some people hide it better than others maybe?

D

Guener

You haven't made clear why it is that you haven't decided to do the steps while you are attending AA regularly and have an investment in that for staying away from drinking now. Although I am not in AA myself but started my recovery there, it seems like a possible way into searching for the meaning that you feel is missing. Have you talked to your friends who are in recovery what has worked for them to feel like things have been changing for them?

sydneyman

You may not think that you have anything to share at your AA meeting but it may help somebody else if you decide to do so. Sharing is so important for me. I don't care what people may think when I do. This is all about my recovery and I am there primarily for my own reasons. Day 88 myself. Life is ultimately not going to be the same living it sober as it was before. Isn't it better though?

WhoDeyPI

I don't know what your situation is, and don't take this the wrong way....but have you thought about seeking employment if you're able? Being busy is what keeps me sober. I work 60 hours during the week, and I do "free" hobbies like working out, hiking, etc during the weekends.

Livingonwishes

I have been trying to find a sponsor to do the steps for a while, but at the regular meetings I attended the women outnumber the men and those men that are there are either not far enough through the steps or can't give me the time they feel I need to start... I am starting to attend other AA meetings further afield and hope to find a sponsor that way but unemployment restricts my ability to travel too far.

And in reply to the question of whether I am looking for employment the answer is that I have been for 2 years but because of the trouble I got into because of Alcohol I have been unsuccessful so far...

I am relying on friends and those people I meet at AA to be my motivation to stay sober whilst I find a sponsor who can guide me through the steps which isn't ideal....

Delilah1

Hello,

Congratulations on 70 days sober, I'm glad you came here and posted how you're feeling.

I would definitely start with shifting to a gratitude focus:
-Since you've stopped drinking you wake up with a clear head every day.
-Since you've stopped drinking you're healthier
-Since you've stopped drinking you are saving the money you would have spent on alcohol.

Have you looked into all the options for volunteering?
-Pet shelter
-Community clean ups
-AA group to suggest some options

There are all sorts of classes you can take online for free, that might be good. See about joining a local walking or hiking group, they are free and will get you outdoors, something about nature is always therapeutic.

Have you worked in the past? Perhaps start thinking about some things you can do to work on your resume and look for a job to get you out of the Ouse each Dahl even something part time.

I think when we have too much time to dwell on things we can get stuck in our own heads.

You can also spend some time on here in Newcomers supporting people just starting out.

Taooo

Maybe replace the habit with something better? I always failed because I was bored and life was boring, this time I made sure I had new hobbies to do and a social life. I replaced my old life with a new one and I am enjoying it. I keep myself busy and the days of spending the entire day and night getting stoned and drunk to the point of being totally wasted are gone, now my free days are completely filled with activities. Get yourself a social hobby if you don't have one already, sober life doesn't mean a boring life. Theres other forms of excitement out there.