When I drank alone
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: nj
Posts: 470
I always drank alone. Never went to bars or drank with friends.
I drank while I cooked dinner, I drank after dinner, I drank while cleaning. I drank in the middle of the night. I drank before and after social functions. I’d drink before meetings or interviews. I drank when the kids were at school, ect., ect, ect.
I too was petrified of getting into trouble with my drinking. I was afraid for my children and my marriage constantly as well as getting caught driving or at work. Ironically, I have suspended people for coming to work under the influence!
One time, after drinking heavily in the afternoon, my 14 yr old came home to find me lying on the couch (I had passed out). She was shaking me and asking me for something and I can remember trying so hard to speak clearly and answer her, but I could barely open my eyes. She went to her room and stayed there until my husband came home. She told him about it, but he didn’t say anything right away. Later that week, we got into an argument that I provoked (in a hungover state of mind) and he said that he wanted to know what was going on and why our daughter found me “babbling” on the couch. He said that he wasn’t sure if it was too much alcohol, (his way of saying that he knew I was struggling) but it had to stop. That was an eye opener ... the closest I came to someone finding out how bad things had gotten. I fooled myself into thinking that I could control my drinking and I spent 3 more years figuring out that I couldn’t.
I’m just 6 mos free and I’m beginning to accept that the rest of my life has to be lived sober. It’s just too hard to be an alcoholic....harder than being sober and fortunately, that’s the thought I come to whenever I reminisce.
I drank while I cooked dinner, I drank after dinner, I drank while cleaning. I drank in the middle of the night. I drank before and after social functions. I’d drink before meetings or interviews. I drank when the kids were at school, ect., ect, ect.
I too was petrified of getting into trouble with my drinking. I was afraid for my children and my marriage constantly as well as getting caught driving or at work. Ironically, I have suspended people for coming to work under the influence!
One time, after drinking heavily in the afternoon, my 14 yr old came home to find me lying on the couch (I had passed out). She was shaking me and asking me for something and I can remember trying so hard to speak clearly and answer her, but I could barely open my eyes. She went to her room and stayed there until my husband came home. She told him about it, but he didn’t say anything right away. Later that week, we got into an argument that I provoked (in a hungover state of mind) and he said that he wanted to know what was going on and why our daughter found me “babbling” on the couch. He said that he wasn’t sure if it was too much alcohol, (his way of saying that he knew I was struggling) but it had to stop. That was an eye opener ... the closest I came to someone finding out how bad things had gotten. I fooled myself into thinking that I could control my drinking and I spent 3 more years figuring out that I couldn’t.
I’m just 6 mos free and I’m beginning to accept that the rest of my life has to be lived sober. It’s just too hard to be an alcoholic....harder than being sober and fortunately, that’s the thought I come to whenever I reminisce.
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