Canceling plans?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Orange county, CA
Posts: 5
Canceling plans?
So even though I love them, I have admitted to myself that going to concerts are not a great environment for me at the moment. I’ve had a month sober here and there over the years and then gone to a show and thought “ I’ll just have a few beers” well we all knkwhow that ends up when we are alcoholics.
It’s so depressing to me because I’ve been going to watch bands play for 20 years and music is a huge part of my life. Is there anyone that can offer advice? Maybe people who love watching live music or are musicians themselves. It just feels like something about that environment.. it’s so full of alcohol. It seems like EVERYONE is drinking (I know that’s not true)
The idea of not being able to do something I love so much bums me out. I had tickets to a show last night and I gave the tickets away because I know I’m too early in my sobriety to handle that at the moment. Hopefully I will get there some day
It’s so depressing to me because I’ve been going to watch bands play for 20 years and music is a huge part of my life. Is there anyone that can offer advice? Maybe people who love watching live music or are musicians themselves. It just feels like something about that environment.. it’s so full of alcohol. It seems like EVERYONE is drinking (I know that’s not true)
The idea of not being able to do something I love so much bums me out. I had tickets to a show last night and I gave the tickets away because I know I’m too early in my sobriety to handle that at the moment. Hopefully I will get there some day
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Early in sobriety, you have to recognize your triggers, and avoid them whenever possible. For me, it was music concerts, outdoor sporting events, and (obviously) bars.
Eventually though, as you get further along in your sobriety, you will be able to return to most of those activities. I now go to as many concerts as I did when I was drinking, and it is not a problem.
Try to be patient. Sobriety is the most important thing. Achieve that, and everything else will fall into place.
Eventually though, as you get further along in your sobriety, you will be able to return to most of those activities. I now go to as many concerts as I did when I was drinking, and it is not a problem.
Try to be patient. Sobriety is the most important thing. Achieve that, and everything else will fall into place.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Yeah, that's a tough one. Congratulations on giving the tickets away. That was a smart move for something that triggers you so much.
I think it comes down to, you'll know when you know.
I hate to see you miss out on something you love, but you've got to put sobriety first, as you did.
Yes, I'm able to go to shows now. I even remember them without drinking.
I don't remember how long into sobriety I was, But it wasn't too long, I don't think.
Best to you. I feel for you.
I think it comes down to, you'll know when you know.
I hate to see you miss out on something you love, but you've got to put sobriety first, as you did.
Yes, I'm able to go to shows now. I even remember them without drinking.
I don't remember how long into sobriety I was, But it wasn't too long, I don't think.
Best to you. I feel for you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi PunkRockLatte
I think its important to realise its not forever. Cancelling concerts need not be be a permanent part of your life.
I was/am a musician so I missed watching and playing a few gigs but that doesn't eat away at me 10 years later.
I had to stay away from things like that until I was sure that nothing or noone could sway me in my recovery..
I had to be sure I wanted to remain sober, regardless of the circumstances I found myself in.
Now I can go to concerts anytime I like and not even think of drinking or drugging - but I had to work up to that
Cherish your recovery for now and keep it safe
D
I think its important to realise its not forever. Cancelling concerts need not be be a permanent part of your life.
I was/am a musician so I missed watching and playing a few gigs but that doesn't eat away at me 10 years later.
I had to stay away from things like that until I was sure that nothing or noone could sway me in my recovery..
I had to be sure I wanted to remain sober, regardless of the circumstances I found myself in.
Now I can go to concerts anytime I like and not even think of drinking or drugging - but I had to work up to that
Cherish your recovery for now and keep it safe
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
It just takes time. There may be a time when concerts are OK. I went to a Miranda Lambert concert last summer. She's got an edge so her fans include a lot of drinkers. Seeing the drunks staggering around the venue before the concert started. I saw a number of them. Did it make me want to drink? Good grief - NO. I am glad I was not them. The concert was great.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I waited two years before I went to my first sober concert.
Like you, music was a big part of my life and I loved live shows, especially metal shows. But during the break I took from concerts to work on my recovery, I realized that what I "loved" about concerts was the drinking. Not that I haven't enjoyed the few shows I've been too, but they don't hold nearly the draw on me they once held when they were just reasons to get plastered.
Like you, music was a big part of my life and I loved live shows, especially metal shows. But during the break I took from concerts to work on my recovery, I realized that what I "loved" about concerts was the drinking. Not that I haven't enjoyed the few shows I've been too, but they don't hold nearly the draw on me they once held when they were just reasons to get plastered.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
I feel your pain....I go to many shows a year, and have my whole life.
Got sober on May 10, 2017. The first few months I was too sick to do much of anything. I could have gone to Arroyo Seco Fest two weeks after rehab with new sober friends (from rehab, in fact), but I just wasn't up to it, and didn't quite trust myself. Too bad, because Tom Petty was playing and I NEVER got to see him.
About a month later I did go to FYF, but just one day because I'd never seen Bjork. I was still pretty sick and my body had a way to go back to normal. It was kind of a blur, we didn't stay that long, I did get to see Bjork, an odd performance because it was the Bjorchestra. My friends are occasional normie drinkers, I honestly don't remember if they had a beer or not. In any event, they are supportive of my sobriety and would have left immediately if I felt triggered, we talked about this beforehand. I left very tired but still would have stayed and closed the show on FlyLo's set.
The first REAL test was 3 months to the day after my sobriety date. I'd had tickets to Alt-J for eons, and really did NOT want to miss this. It was very weird to walk past the bar and not get a beer. I thought about it and decided that I'm going to have to walk past a lot of bars and not get anything to drink, so I went back and got a ginger ale. It wasn't really a craving, but a HABIT. I made a distinction between cravings and habits in early sobriety, sometimes it was just that there was a time or a situation where I'd had a drink for years, and it was almost a reflex Pavlovian reaction. Those were easy, it was the REAL cravings that were tough. In any event, I was AMAZED how much better the show was sober....and I didn't even really like the new album.
Only you can know if and when you can put yourself in that environment again, and under what conditions. I was in inpatient rehab for the first five weeks, and I know for sure that there was no way in hell I could handle live music. If you do try and test the waters, I'd say wait AT LEAST a month, if not three. Don't go with drinking friends (in fact don't go without friends that support your sobriety), don't go to a venue where everyone drinks heavily, and have an escape plan at the ready.
Coachella 2017 was two weeks before I went into rehab, and I was a mess, to the point where I needed to catch the medical cart back to the car on Sunday because I could no longer walk from heavy neurological issues brought on by several months of drinking. Coachella 2018 was its inverse. Normally that festival is marked by days of moderate dose polypharmacology, 2018 was Soberchella. And you know what? It was way more fun. I totally got into the spirit by getting into different costumes each day, the best was Beyonce Day, where I wore a rainbow tie dyed doo rag, a muscle shirt with a unicorn with rainbow wings, and temp died my beard and stache neon rainbow. Best time ever, and it was my 8th Coachella.
Play it by ear. You aren't necessarily doomed to a lifetime without live music, and if you're honest with yourself, I bet you'll enjoy shows more, WAY more, sober. For now, this early, just go to ground, hunker down, and do whatever you need to do to not drink/use.
Keep us posted, brother.
Got sober on May 10, 2017. The first few months I was too sick to do much of anything. I could have gone to Arroyo Seco Fest two weeks after rehab with new sober friends (from rehab, in fact), but I just wasn't up to it, and didn't quite trust myself. Too bad, because Tom Petty was playing and I NEVER got to see him.
About a month later I did go to FYF, but just one day because I'd never seen Bjork. I was still pretty sick and my body had a way to go back to normal. It was kind of a blur, we didn't stay that long, I did get to see Bjork, an odd performance because it was the Bjorchestra. My friends are occasional normie drinkers, I honestly don't remember if they had a beer or not. In any event, they are supportive of my sobriety and would have left immediately if I felt triggered, we talked about this beforehand. I left very tired but still would have stayed and closed the show on FlyLo's set.
The first REAL test was 3 months to the day after my sobriety date. I'd had tickets to Alt-J for eons, and really did NOT want to miss this. It was very weird to walk past the bar and not get a beer. I thought about it and decided that I'm going to have to walk past a lot of bars and not get anything to drink, so I went back and got a ginger ale. It wasn't really a craving, but a HABIT. I made a distinction between cravings and habits in early sobriety, sometimes it was just that there was a time or a situation where I'd had a drink for years, and it was almost a reflex Pavlovian reaction. Those were easy, it was the REAL cravings that were tough. In any event, I was AMAZED how much better the show was sober....and I didn't even really like the new album.
Only you can know if and when you can put yourself in that environment again, and under what conditions. I was in inpatient rehab for the first five weeks, and I know for sure that there was no way in hell I could handle live music. If you do try and test the waters, I'd say wait AT LEAST a month, if not three. Don't go with drinking friends (in fact don't go without friends that support your sobriety), don't go to a venue where everyone drinks heavily, and have an escape plan at the ready.
Coachella 2017 was two weeks before I went into rehab, and I was a mess, to the point where I needed to catch the medical cart back to the car on Sunday because I could no longer walk from heavy neurological issues brought on by several months of drinking. Coachella 2018 was its inverse. Normally that festival is marked by days of moderate dose polypharmacology, 2018 was Soberchella. And you know what? It was way more fun. I totally got into the spirit by getting into different costumes each day, the best was Beyonce Day, where I wore a rainbow tie dyed doo rag, a muscle shirt with a unicorn with rainbow wings, and temp died my beard and stache neon rainbow. Best time ever, and it was my 8th Coachella.
Play it by ear. You aren't necessarily doomed to a lifetime without live music, and if you're honest with yourself, I bet you'll enjoy shows more, WAY more, sober. For now, this early, just go to ground, hunker down, and do whatever you need to do to not drink/use.
Keep us posted, brother.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
I have my first music night out in a few weeks after 8 months of declining invites and I am really looking forward to it. I know I am in a position of strength now, have no desire to have a drink where as before I didn’t have the same confidence in myself. I also didn’t want to spoil something I enjoyed by spending the night fighting my AV and cravings so I just steered clear until I knew I could enjoy it freely.
It’s not forever, put recovery first every time as without it we have nothing . xx
It’s not forever, put recovery first every time as without it we have nothing . xx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
Hi Punk Rock Latte,
I'll echo what everybody else said that you will know when you're strong enough in your sobriety to attend events like this. I just wanted to give you something to consider.
My absolute favorite place to visit is Las Vegas, I couldn't tell you how many times I've been there (I'm also from California so it's close). The first time I went to Vegas sober I was terrified. Not of relapse, I was scared that it wouldn't have appeal for me anymore if I wasn't drinking or doing coke. It turns out that I love going more now than I ever did back then.
Give yourself some time and maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised next time you go to a show.
I'll echo what everybody else said that you will know when you're strong enough in your sobriety to attend events like this. I just wanted to give you something to consider.
My absolute favorite place to visit is Las Vegas, I couldn't tell you how many times I've been there (I'm also from California so it's close). The first time I went to Vegas sober I was terrified. Not of relapse, I was scared that it wouldn't have appeal for me anymore if I wasn't drinking or doing coke. It turns out that I love going more now than I ever did back then.
Give yourself some time and maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised next time you go to a show.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 241
Lots of good advice here. I’ve put a lot of things on hold, and canceled a lot of plans as well. I am at 4 months sober, and just recently have felt more comfortable doing social things were alcohol is present. But the first month, I wasn’t ready or strong enough. I have an outdoor concert planned for this summer, something I usually love, but I’m not so sure where that will fit in with my sobriety now. I might cancel, and I will be okay with that. Staying sober is the most important thing to me, because without my sobriety I will lose everything else in my life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
These are all good points about getting and staying sober.
It involves sacrifice.
I had to give up football games, concerts and car races for a while.
I go to all of them on a whim now, but I couldn't for a while.
We have to be patient about these matters.
Hang in there, amigo, it just takes some time.
It involves sacrifice.
I had to give up football games, concerts and car races for a while.
I go to all of them on a whim now, but I couldn't for a while.
We have to be patient about these matters.
Hang in there, amigo, it just takes some time.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,937
I’ve been sober almost 9 years now, and I go to a lot of concerts now, sober. It’s great being able to remember the setlist the day after the concert.
Once you get some sobriety under your belt, you will be able to resume this hobby, and you will enjoy it more.
Once you get some sobriety under your belt, you will be able to resume this hobby, and you will enjoy it more.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,290
It wasn't really a craving, but a HABIT. I made a distinction between cravings and habits in early sobriety, sometimes it was just that there was a time or a situation where I'd had a drink for years, and it was almost a reflex Pavlovian reaction.
This is so, so true . Thanx for that .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Orange county, CA
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by MindfulMan 
I feel your pain....I go to many shows a year, and have my whole life.
Got sober on May 10, 2017. The first few months I was too sick to do much of anything. I could have gone to Arroyo Seco Fest two weeks after rehab with new sober friends (from rehab, in fact), but I just wasn't up to it, and didn't quite trust myself. Too bad, because Tom Petty was playing and I NEVER got to see him.
About a month later I did go to FYF, but just one day because I'd never seen Bjork. I was still pretty sick and my body had a way to go back to normal. It was kind of a blur, we didn't stay that long, I did get to see Bjork, an odd performance because it was the Bjorchestra. My friends are occasional normie drinkers, I honestly don't remember if they had a beer or not. In any event, they are supportive of my sobriety and would have left immediately if I felt triggered, we talked about this beforehand. I left very tired but still would have stayed and closed the show on FlyLo's set.
The first REAL test was 3 months to the day after my sobriety date. I'd had tickets to Alt-J for eons, and really did NOT want to miss this. It was very weird to walk past the bar and not get a beer. I thought about it and decided that I'm going to have to walk past a lot of bars and not get anything to drink, so I went back and got a ginger ale. It wasn't really a craving, but a HABIT. I made a distinction between cravings and habits in early sobriety, sometimes it was just that there was a time or a situation where I'd had a drink for years, and it was almost a reflex Pavlovian reaction. Those were easy, it was the REAL cravings that were tough. In any event, I was AMAZED how much better the show was sober....and I didn't even really like the new album.
Only you can know if and when you can put yourself in that environment again, and under what conditions. I was in inpatient rehab for the first five weeks, and I know for sure that there was no way in hell I could handle live music. If you do try and test the waters, I'd say wait AT LEAST a month, if not three. Don't go with drinking friends (in fact don't go without friends that support your sobriety), don't go to a venue where everyone drinks heavily, and have an escape plan at the ready.
Coachella 2017 was two weeks before I went into rehab, and I was a mess, to the point where I needed to catch the medical cart back to the car on Sunday because I could no longer walk from heavy neurological issues brought on by several months of drinking. Coachella 2018 was its inverse. Normally that festival is marked by days of moderate dose polypharmacology, 2018 was Soberchella. And you know what? It was way more fun. I totally got into the spirit by getting into different costumes each day, the best was Beyonce Day, where I wore a rainbow tie dyed doo rag, a muscle shirt with a unicorn with rainbow wings, and temp died my beard and stache neon rainbow. Best time ever, and it was my 8th Coachella.
Play it by ear. You aren't necessarily doomed to a lifetime without live music, and if you're honest with yourself, I bet you'll enjoy shows more, WAY more, sober. For now, this early, just go to ground, hunker down, and do whatever you need to do to not drink/use.
Keep us posted, brother.
Got sober on May 10, 2017. The first few months I was too sick to do much of anything. I could have gone to Arroyo Seco Fest two weeks after rehab with new sober friends (from rehab, in fact), but I just wasn't up to it, and didn't quite trust myself. Too bad, because Tom Petty was playing and I NEVER got to see him.
About a month later I did go to FYF, but just one day because I'd never seen Bjork. I was still pretty sick and my body had a way to go back to normal. It was kind of a blur, we didn't stay that long, I did get to see Bjork, an odd performance because it was the Bjorchestra. My friends are occasional normie drinkers, I honestly don't remember if they had a beer or not. In any event, they are supportive of my sobriety and would have left immediately if I felt triggered, we talked about this beforehand. I left very tired but still would have stayed and closed the show on FlyLo's set.
The first REAL test was 3 months to the day after my sobriety date. I'd had tickets to Alt-J for eons, and really did NOT want to miss this. It was very weird to walk past the bar and not get a beer. I thought about it and decided that I'm going to have to walk past a lot of bars and not get anything to drink, so I went back and got a ginger ale. It wasn't really a craving, but a HABIT. I made a distinction between cravings and habits in early sobriety, sometimes it was just that there was a time or a situation where I'd had a drink for years, and it was almost a reflex Pavlovian reaction. Those were easy, it was the REAL cravings that were tough. In any event, I was AMAZED how much better the show was sober....and I didn't even really like the new album.
Only you can know if and when you can put yourself in that environment again, and under what conditions. I was in inpatient rehab for the first five weeks, and I know for sure that there was no way in hell I could handle live music. If you do try and test the waters, I'd say wait AT LEAST a month, if not three. Don't go with drinking friends (in fact don't go without friends that support your sobriety), don't go to a venue where everyone drinks heavily, and have an escape plan at the ready.
Coachella 2017 was two weeks before I went into rehab, and I was a mess, to the point where I needed to catch the medical cart back to the car on Sunday because I could no longer walk from heavy neurological issues brought on by several months of drinking. Coachella 2018 was its inverse. Normally that festival is marked by days of moderate dose polypharmacology, 2018 was Soberchella. And you know what? It was way more fun. I totally got into the spirit by getting into different costumes each day, the best was Beyonce Day, where I wore a rainbow tie dyed doo rag, a muscle shirt with a unicorn with rainbow wings, and temp died my beard and stache neon rainbow. Best time ever, and it was my 8th Coachella.
Play it by ear. You aren't necessarily doomed to a lifetime without live music, and if you're honest with yourself, I bet you'll enjoy shows more, WAY more, sober. For now, this early, just go to ground, hunker down, and do whatever you need to do to not drink/use.
Keep us posted, brother.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Orange county, CA
Posts: 5
Thank you everyone for the advice and inspiration. I know getting stronger in my sobriety is something that I need to work on before I put myself in a environment that triggers me. I guess it will be a great reward to myself once I get some more sober time.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by JustTony
Yep - Cancellations are part of early recovery. I've had to do it during these 21 days twice already.
My adamant opinion is that saying NO to anything is always ok - early on especially, and as you gain sober time you will re-discover things you enjoyed and be able to enjoy them sober (music in one a lot of people around here can talk about) - AND find things your sober self truly enjoys, which might be different than what you thought or did before.
Keep going. I've found that everything is better sober. Everything.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,254
Can anyone give me some tips/excuses to get out of an event. My new work colleague's are organising a night out in February but i know now i can not go, getting and staying sober is too important. I really like them and dont want to seem rude not going, they are booking it tomorrow, any get out of going lines appreciated ??
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