MindfulMan

Sounds to me like you're trying very hard to make a case that moderation is OK and will work for you. My experience is that moderation worked for a while, but eventually became this constant negotiation with alcohol and other substances that basically takes any joy or fun out of drinking, cocaine, whatever. There is absolutely never anything spontaneous about it. After a period of doing without, I found the alcohol buzz to be not all that great, even the 'perfect buzz.' It's a pretty silly drug actually, and it makes people silly. Being under the influence of nothing makes every moment more interesting.

I also found that other than people who are primarily drinking buddies and alcoholics themselves, nobody really gives a rat's azz what's in your glass. Hanging around people who are seriously drunk is indeed annoying when you're sober, but other than that, I often go out with friends who have a drink or two and don't even think about the fact that they have an alcohol buzz.

You're not going to get a lot of encouragement in this forum for moderation, and I'm not sure why you're trying so hard to do so in multiple threads. Maybe you can moderate. Nothing is impossible. I doubt you'll ever be the normal drinker that drinks moderately because they can take it or leave it, but again, nothing is impossible. I read your first post and doubt that this will ever be you.

But go ahead and try it. Come back in six months to a year and let us know how it's going.

DontRemember

***SOME*** do..those people also weren't on a recovery site,posting multiple threads, 'looking for help' with their drinking, nor trying to justify it. Just sayin'. We all know ALL the irrational 'reasoning/excuses' we used for our own drinking and we,as well as you, know where it'll get ya once you get to googling for help. I wish I had listened when I first joined here instead of going 'out' for a couple more years of self imposed misery,but that was my choice to make..just like your's is your's to make.

JustTony

Starting two threads about trying to moderate ones drinking is littered with a sense of self importance I cannot fathom - and frankly find irritating.

I simply don’t care if people try a different way of living their life but don’t come into a recovery forum and effectively criticise the lifestyle that the majority of the membership is trying to achieve. That’s akin to being a troll. It’s like joining a forum for car drivers and saying that a four wheel mode of transport is c**p and that a motorbike is the only way to go.

Personally - whilst I admire the constructive and brilliantly laid out replies of some of the membership I think this guy is massively over-indulged.

And no - for the record - I’m not triggered by these threads in the slighest. But I will call out bad manners and selfishness when I see it.

JT

EDIT - And to be clear. Posters saying that moderation is an idea they are tinkering with or trying is a part of this forum that will always be present. This guy is different:

A) He starts threads about it (more than one when his other thread is still page one and active)
B) He actively accuses complete sobreity as something that is boring, restricting and treating him like a child - which is a lifestyle 99% of us are striving for - and I just feel that is being rude at best and being a troll at worst.

And those two factors are the difference as to why I have posted what I have.

Dee74

I used to get mad at these kind of threads too, but I have the benefit of a lot of time logged in here and a lot of threads read.

I don't know the OP that well but I've seen enough threads to pick out the ones where people are desperately hoping this moderation thing will work.

I think it's easier to get mad at a bunch of 'know it alls' than it is to think soberly about..well...being sober.

And its just as easy for the readers to turn these kind of dialogues into something personal as well.

Lets not go down that road, folks.

Lets confront the arguments, not attack each other please.

Dee
Moderator
SR

DontRemember

ehh..I've posted my moderating and 'tappering' stuff(didn't work and I tried more than once).. How I "made it through a night at the bar and didn't drink"(didn't last)..stuff..it's a process/journey for each individual is the way I see it..I also first came on here and wasn't "as bad as these people...I'm not going to AA!" at one time.

elhen

I know when I drank I wanted to achieve a certain buzz, infact by drinking heavily your brain is set to reach a certain satisfaction point.
Once I started drinking it was really out of my control, this drive to reach that point. By then I was so bladdered I just kept on drinking, sort of automatically past that point as it seemed satisfaction couldn't be reached.
As alcohol is an addictive drug, you build up a tolerance to it and need more and more to reach any sort of buzz
As for drinking and not aiming to get a buzz on, I always thought there was no point, if I drank slowly it just made me feel tired.

Taooo

This thread is a very good example of the desperate mental gymnastics people will do in order to justify having a relapse, this is the power of addiction.

I hope you are able to moderate. How about this? After managing 3 weeks of being clean I wanted to drink and smoke weed because I had a bad day; I said to my partner "this is it. With all my strength I will try to do this moderate and if it doesn't work then it's obviously not possible for me and I will quit"

2 weeks of a hardcore binge later and I registered here with the decision that I need to quit as I cannot control addictions; i told my partner the truth and I accepted that I have to live a sober life forever and that's fine with me. I want it more than anything. For the first time in my life I shared all my deepest secrets about how bad my addictions were with my partner; lots of things i managed to hide from her I willingly exposed. As those things came to light I realized just how much my addictions cost me over the years and just how serious and out of control my addiction was.

If you fail please come back and accept moderation isn't possible; then hopefully you can help yourself get sorted. Treat this as the final attempt at moderation if you HAVE to do this. I understand you, we have all been there and made the self delusions you are making.

August252015

I've about reached my end of thoughts that can be constructive here, but I do have one more.

Early on in AA I heard the phrase - "look for the people who have what you want." And I didn't know how they got it, but I DID know that what I wanted was their ability to laugh at themselves and enjoyably with others, to talk about learning from their often disastrous course of living & drinking, and what they did to have their own best lives now.

Not one of them said that the best things in life were stuff like NYE parties, going out to bars, dreading a Mon back to work, listening to drs who didn't know about addiction or whom they had realized enabled them in all kinds of excuses....they did say what kind of stuff they found best: not being in the hospital or jail from yet another mishap, being sober to care for a dying parent or pick up a kid in need in the middle of the night, or simply being truly present for dinner at home w that kid, reading books and remembering them, normalized levels of stuff like blood pressure, liver enzymes and even great complexion at 42 (I'm super happy about all those btw)....that list of "bests" was pretty endless.

That's the kind of life I want. I had to stop the crap along with the drinking, to put it succinctly.

And it is absolutely not just AA people who show me what a great life can be.

I hope everyone else who needs to does the same. Before they do indeed die some kind of alcohol caused or related death. At 40 or 90. I don't know what my COD will be, but it won't be alcohol.

August, peace out.

ScottFromWI

As has been said, many times....nothing is stopping you from drinking except your own choice. You are the one who needs to decide if you have a problem with alcohol or not. The odds if you succeeding in your quest to return to normal drinking are heavily against you, and that’s based on the real life experience of millions of other people over time.

Arguing with people on an Internet forum will not change the reality, but you free to take your chances with your life. Arguing that moderation is a good idea is against our forum policy however, and you’ve been reminded of that already.

DayTrader

100% agreed. My post was more-so for the folks who feel compelled to "tell" the OP what WILL happen and/or precisely how she should live her life when it comes to drinking.

I feel it's our responsibility to share what we have learned, to present recovery in a positive way, and to be available to help the people who want the help. It would be irrisponsible of those of us with some time and experience to NOT share what we've learned. I don't feel it's our roll in recovery, or in life, to sell or push our thinking upon everyone...... no matter how much we think they should hear it.

ReadyAtLast

I've never had a slip up that was beneficial. Seriously, no one can say that having a drink is beneficial and I would doubt the credentials of any addiction specialist who said drinking was beneficial

You're just trying to convince yourself you are ok to drink. No one here is going to say oh great, keep on drinking. Normal drinkers don't come on recovery websites. you've been a member for over a year and still having this internal battle with yourself. How long have you had the battle before joining SR? I've had it for over 20 years. But I take ownership of it and responsibility for it. Being honest with myself is hard at times but it's a necessity. The only people we are kidding if we keep drinking is ourselves

JustTony

Great to see you posting RAL.

You know your quote reminded me of something I read on SR once.

“No one with a drink problem has ever woken up and said ‘I’m really pleased that I got drunk last night’ “

JT

Dee74

No argument here DT

D

ReadyAtLast

Thanks Tony

xxxNICHOLExxx

Bringmeback
I really don’t have much to add you have been given some amazing advice!!
You actually sound like me about a year ago I couldn’t come to terms with being an alcoholic I was in denial I wasn’t an alcoholic I couldn’t change my lifestyle had a lot of drinking and partying so I thought I’m going to moderate well it never did work because I drink to numb myself I was never happy with a couple of drinks here and there and something would always happen and I would go right back to blacking or passing out I finally decided to own my s—t and accept I’m an alcoholic and the only way out is sobriety during moderate I hit bottoms get drunk fall hit my head I have gave myself alcohol poisoning become depressed I even went to to some extremes with that being said since I have been completely sober I have never done any of those things so for some sobriety is a life or death situation I would say ask my grandmother and a few friends about it but they are dead do to drinking and some live long life’s being an alcoholic but I personally don’t know any no matter what you do just remember everyone here wants to see you do the best for yourself and everyone will support you to stay sober if it wasn’t for these fine people on SR I wouldn’t be having a 2nd chance in life take care of yourself

dwtbd

Bottom line is if you want to quit , become an ordinary teetotaler , it is entirely possible for anyone to do so, and a surprising percentage of purposeful teetotalers wouldn't have it any other way

elhen

With all due respect, this is not a like minded community with your views on experimenting with moderation. Moderation Management site is.
This site as far as I can tell is a community of like minded people who support each other in abstinence.
PS ..no one says you have to use AA. There are plenty of other ways to give up drinking

ScottFromWI

There have been multiple reminders by administrators to keep the promotion of moderated drinking out of this thread. Site policy is very clear on this, further posts have been removed and the thread is closed until further notice.