Tinkerbeau

Thank you all for your helpful kind words, for once i dont feel so alone reaching out on here

ChloeRose63

We are all here for you and understand exactly what you are going through. Stay with us!

Tinkerbeau

Thank you chloerose. Finally admitting to myself im an alcoholic is so horrible i feel such shame, i used to be pretty and popular, ive just looked in mirror and im a ugly mess with not a friend in the world

Hevyn

Tinkerbeau - your friends here are not going to judge you. Most of us have been through the same challenges & disappointments. You can reclaim your sober time and feel good about yourself again. We're always going to be here for you.

Tinkerbeau

Thank you hevyn

PhoenixJ

how are you TB?

Tinkerbeau

Hi phoenix i feel rubbish tbh i have barly got out of bed today, i am really hot now so know im going to have to go though withdrawal all night now. Thank you for asking, i hope u are well

PhoenixJ

Tink, withdrawals can be nasty...please see a doc if you feel really bad.

Tinkerbeau

Thanks phoenix i just want to be back on other side of it, im so stupid for keep doing this to myself

snitch

Awwww Tinkerbeau big hugs for you.

I could have written your post. I know exactly how you are feeling right now. But I am telling you, you can make this your last day one. I was where you are now 7 months ago . I had been trying for years to get and stay sober with 2 months being the longest I ever got. After my last drinking binge, I was so broken and hopeless. I didn't want to carry on drinking but I didn't know how to stop. I got myself into AA and I admitted I was conpletely powerless over alcohol. It was my master. It had total and utter control of me. But I wanted to be free. Some small spark of life and hope in me wanted to break the chains. I knew I was powerless once alcohol was in me. I had no idea where a drink would take me. What I didn't realise was I was powerless over that FIRST drink. I had sworn off alcohol so many times and the next minute I had a drink in my hand wondering how the hell it had happened again. I had no defence. So I prayed. I prayed so hard to God. Please God. Do not let me drink!!! and I got to AA meetings. I was given numbers by women there. Now I had 3 defences against that first drink for it is the first drink that is the most dangerous, it is the first drink that gets us drunk. It has not been easy. It took me 6 months before I started to feel the real benefits (aside from the obvious ones like no hangovers, poor sleep etc). Somedays I wanted to drink so bad I had to scream and shout at my God to help me. But it worked. I didn't pick up a drink.

Now at 7 months, the cravings are becoming more like fleeting thoughts and are getting easier to dismiss. I am focussed on my recovery programme and life is 100 times better. I have had to fully concede I am an alcoholic and trust me, it wasn't on my list of things I wanted to be when I grew up but acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. I am an alcoholic who is in recovery and recovery is giving me so much more than just not drinking alcohol.

I swear if so can do this you can too. Alcohol used to be my best friend and I couldn't imagine and didn't want a life without it and now I never (one day at a time) want to imbibe that poison ever again. Because that is what it is to me. Pure poison.

Try not to be too hard on yourself. You are a sick person trying to get well not a bad person trying to be good. Drink lots of water. Sleep if you can. Eat whatever you want but obviously nutritious, wholesome food is best for your body right now, watch some netflix. Read posts here. The 12 step support forum has some really great readings. Show yourself the same conpassion you would to a friend who is sick. And do not pick up that first drink no matter what.

You can do this. X x x

snitch

I just read your first post here. I am a single mummy too. I have a 6 year old daughter. I lost nearly all of my friends through drinking. At 7months sober I have some new friends now especially women in AA. I go to a child friendly meeting. Where do you live? X x

PhoenixJ

Tink- it takes time, but one action you can start doing now, that makes an impact to one's thinking (which I do and it is difficult) is to stop putting yourself down in the words you use.
Replace negative words. An example is- for me- …..
because of my drinking- I got very deep burns, which because of the industrial strength drugs used to save my life, my cognitive abilities are fried- especially short term instant memory recall.
So if I get to my car, and have not check the list of stuff to remember by the front door- and have to go back inside to get my NEEDED coffee, a lifetime of being called and naming myself as 'stupid' is the first words that comes up. I have almost got to the stage where I do not describe myself as dumb or stupid or ignorant or bad (in the past).
I remind myself, yes I did bad things when I drank, but I was very, very unwell..and sick people can do bad things. I am always going to be an alcy, but now I do not drink, I do not do bad things and am not sick....
What we say and write is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves.
Support to you.

Gettingcloser

Hi Tinkerbeau
Just weighing in with my support.
Amazingly I didn't miss much time at work during my heavy drinking years but oh god I had some hideous Mondays. I would binge on the weekend. Sunday night I would fall asleep (pass out) and wake up around 3 am with horrible anxiety. I would then withdraw at work because this was the only way I could stop. If I did call in sick I would continue drinking that day.
I think that is why I didn't miss much time because I was just putting off the inevitable. I understand the cycle completely. I am now almost 7 months sober. It is so possible to take your life back from this grip and so worth it!

CEOofMe

Hi-
I haven't been on in many months. I joined sober and then have gone back and forth with bouts of abstinence and then full on black out nights and every where in between. I have a great job, a new girlfriend whom I hope to marry, and has seen me in the hospital 2x in the last year for pancreatitis. A pain, which I hope you never have or will ever have.

I am not sober. Do I aim to be one day? Yes. Is today the day again? No. I've woken up sober and happy and also sober and unhappy. It's easier to deal with it sober.

I will be on here going forward as it helps me. The camaraderie and folks who have done this and their support is overwhelmingly positive. There is a "high" to that support and feeling and that is a good thing. And I'm hoping I feel that again.

This is the only forum I know; AA didn't stick or resonate with me, although I'm Catholic and believe in God. The folks here are good, with good intentions. I've received some good "tough love" that I've accepted and some I've ignored; either way, someone is thinking about you and caring enough to send you a note.

My only advice, and I tell myself this, is showing up here is 1/2 the battle. DO NOT get down on you. Everyone on here took the time to log in and type something from wherever we are, because we need something more or another perspective. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I'd be happy to talk with you more and work through this together.















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Alexf91

hey tinkerbeau I'm in the same boat as you. Hopefully you got some rest yesterday and are feeling abit better. If you need to chat or anything I'm here I just joined the November 2018 class you should give it a try

Lpg

hey,

dont worry about work, you love your job so get yourself well so you can go back and do what you love with passion. I took two weeks off when I quit one time, it was the best thing I done for me and my work. Concentrate on getting well, you can do this!

eat well if you can and drink plenty water, I done some art therapy when I first quit was good for my anxiety.

Tinkerbeau

Thank you all for taking time to offer me support and share your stories its be a great comfort. Well ive had a very anxious depressed restless night with little sleep and full of aches and pains but at least im sober!! I have called in sick again to work as need to sleep and try get head straight.
Finally admitting that im a alcoholic seems to have made me look at things differently. I have spent so long thinking i was the problem and wanted to drink normally but now i realise this is a disease and i must not drink alcohol!!! If i was allergic to a food i just wouldn't eat it. I need to give up for good now i cant ho through this again
hope you are all ok today.

ReadyAtLast

Hope you have a better day TB and start to feel better very soon.

Arpeggioh

Accepting the fact that alcohol will never work for me is the foundation of my sobriety; it sounds like you might be waking up to that fact about yourself, and that can be your turning point. Whether we have a disease, or a genetic flaw, or simply an addicted brain, is less important than simply accepting that "a drink" will always lead to drunken misery and shame. It will never be okay, and that's okay! The solution becomes glaringly obvious.

My dear May classmate Jo posted this a couple weeks ago (joining a small "Class Of" thread was also a great help for me, and I highly recommend it.) I think it's worthy of a larger audience:

Here are my truths:
I am an alcoholic for life and no length of abstinence will change that.
Sobriety is the basis for me living - returning to alcohol will kill me
My life is immeasurably better without alcohol

I think the path forward for you is becoming clear, and you've got lots of support here; because of this amazing website, we are never alone. Get well soon...

Tinkerbeau

Thank you yes it seems to be coming clearer, scary but something i must now accept and cut from my life. Im 39 so should of realised this alot sooner, but maybe if i can start this change today i will have a better life in the future.