Can’t see the lights feel so down
Sick n tired
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 509
Can’t see the lights feel so down
Hi all I’m currently day 4 again. Went out today shopping and could see all the Xmas lights up and bright but couldn’t see them either. Like it’s all foggy and strange. Then saw people in and out of bars buying booze at supermarket etc all confident laughing etc and av said that looks normal. I don’t feel normal I’m full of anxiety fear and depressions. What if I feel like this always I know it will pass as iv had sobriety before but will I ever get through this and feel normal and alive again. Rubbing my eyes and belly full of knots and racing head and heart. And I still think of red wine!!! Just when is the pain enough can’t do another Xmas going through the cycle and the pain. Want to see those bright lights I mean really see them not like this through a thick lens of pain and weirdness
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 230
Hello . I m feeling for you . Last Christmas i was histerical very low over split. Locked myself and drunk bear as decided what was the point. On Christmas day i was in bed detoxing . It was awful ...the cyckle. This Christmas i might be still lonely but i would not drink and if sober i ll be able even to go to church or whatever when i can feel belonging and human touched. I m not having red eyes and locked in house. I m going to put my best dress and celebrate Christmas even by myself . This wine is the circle to another lonely Christmas. So sharing this expierience. As long as sober there are options . Today i went to gym ...wrote down programme i can train for time being . I laughed i was around people. Adjusting to awful circumstances . If i drunk i d never do this. I cooked healthy meal and japanese miso tofu soup that i m gonna to share with my female neighbour. God helped me to survive so long with nothing just myself. So i carry on . I have faith there is a plan for this. And i feel awful depressed and anxious and tired on daily basis ... at nights i have flasbacks of my happy secure life with husband . But i get up and marching. Such days like today are good days. Big hugs to you. Hold on x D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
It is not uncommon for AA groups to have support sessions built around the holidays, sometimes around the clock, where one can go to share a meal, conversation, and to do so soberly. I've been to them and had a very nice time. I, too, sometimes feel lonely in the season, and all the reminders are out there, but it's better not to drink than to feel the horror of picking up and living through that. Volunteering as well has been suggested to me as one means to be social and sober at the same time.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Eve - it's all going to get better. I know the feeling you describe. I had it after decades of drinking. The world seemed surreal those first few weeks after I quit. Thankfully, everything came into focus. Congrats on your 4 days. You're doing a great thing for yourself.
Sick n tired
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 509
Thabks for replying. I know it will pass as it does but then il do the same again that’s the horror of it. I am not able to attend many meetings I’m a single mum and v busy and no support. I just want this to stop. I haven’t family and very few friends and they are all in Aa. I isolate as iv burnt bridges in past and find it hard to get close to friends. However I have so much to be greatful for that’s why I hate myself for doing it. I can’t stand the depression anxiety and self loathing resentments and feelings of fear. I feel locked out of real life sometimes I just want to feel peace and be free of this nasty relapse cycle thank you all I feel better after reaching out.
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