sunshinel

I am embarrassed to be posting here again. My dad died nearly seven months ago. I have been living in Dads flat in a city I don't know anyone since then caring for my Mum with end stage Parkinsons ( actually Parkinsonism from medical malpractice ) Mum is now in a private hospital as she is completely paralyzed, can hardly breathe, swallow, choking, and is in terrible pain. Everyday is a nightmare and she wants to go. She is cognitively intact although due to the drugs she feels her head is exploding and she is going blind. Every morning before I leave to spend the day with her fighting for morphine etc I vow I will not drink. Everyday I leave destroyed, sobbing and go straight for a drink. I cannot bear her pain. I am destroying myself also. All I want is to feel nothing. I have to stop. Its getting worse. I have been told by alcohol counselors that I need detox. Mum could die any day and I am her only advocate and support. I know people will say I just need to go away and sort myself out before I can help anyone. I just can't leave my Mum. I'm broken. Cry all the time but will not leave her. I know no one can help but guess I just wanted to see if anyone has had experience of end stage Parkinsons. I am falling apart and don't know how much longer I can keep going. I miss my Dad so much.

Fearlessat50

Oh my gosh, Sunshine! You have so much going on. You barely had a chance to grieve your dads death and now you are watching your mum decline. I know that alcohol seems like a solution to numb the pain. But I know you know it’s not. You are right that it will destroy you until you stop.

I do not have experience with end stage Parkinson’s. But I have watched four close family members slowly die from terrible conditions. It is horrifying to watch pain and death happen to your loved ones. Is there someone you can reach out to f2f for support and grief counseling? Do you have hospice where you live? Many hospice groups provide counseling for family members. Could you consider going to an AA meeting? Can you check in here daily for support? Please don’t isolate yourself during this time. There’s lots of support around you.

sunshinel

Thank you fearless. Yes mum is under hospice. I met the counselor once. She was nice but Im falling apart so bad she could only see me every second week which to be honest doesn't mean anything to me. All they tell me is that I have to care for myself and I am so far past that with Dads death and Mums imminent death I can't walk away. I understand the philosophy but in real life it doesn't always work like that.

sunshinel

I was also a member of AA ( got sober there). The place I am living in is at least 1 hour to an AA meeting and to be honest I can't stay sober until 7.30pm at night.

sunshinel

Fearless, sorry you had to see your family members in such pain. I know how it feels. I would gladly swap places with my Mum to stop her suffering. Painful stuff!

PhoenixJ

Sunsh- your words resonate with me. Awaking from a coma- from near fatal burns blackout, ciggie- booze), my bro informed me my family had abandoned me, I was homeless and my dad was dead. For a time after hospital- I drank to oblivion every day. I hurt- physically and emotionally and just wanted it to go away.

But it did not.

It just got worse because of the drinking.
I started going to meetings and saw a GP...from there I saw hope and kept on tryinh. You are hurting. Post lots here.

My prayers and support to you.

Fearlessat50

I don’t know what to say. I understand the difficulty because you are told you need detox yet you don’t want to leave your mums side. Meeting locations and times are inconvenient. Is it possible to have your doctor prescribe something to help with the emotional pain as well as withdrawals when you are ready to quit drinking? Is there someone who could drive you to the AA meeting?

I hope you will keep posting here!

Marcutah1

Sunshine, I also do not know what to say. I just recently I lost my mom to Alzheimer's. She was in a care place for 14 years. It was awful to see her slowly succumb to the disease. The hardest decision that I made at that time was to turn away from the bottle. I was also an alcoholic in those days, I just did not know yet. Being clear minded made easier to see her and make the decisions that came up. I certainly made up for it when I could. Try your best to make it one day and see what the next day brings. Please keep posting.

Delilah1

I dont know much about Parkinson's, but do know how difficult it is to see a parent really sick and dying. There are lots of online options like SR that you can use as support right now. Try to find a little time for yourself while caring for your mom. Even when my mom was in ICU I took several walks throughout the day to clear my head and connect with nature, I also would walk to the little hospital chapel and just sit there for a bit it helped.

When my dad passed away I went for a long hike after his funeral, it was the only way I was able to clear my head.

Find an outlet for yourself that doesn't involve drinking, you deserve a sober life, it is so worth it.

This is a great place to start getting support.

❤️Delilah

Am2144

I am a in home healthcare nurse. You need your head clear before you can be there for you mom. It takes a couple days to detox. you cannot help her until you are clear

Dee74

Hi Sunshine. I'd cut yourself a little slack

I don't think anyone could do this without feeling overwhelmed, fearful and incredibly sad.

But I believe absolutely that you can do this sober.

We are so much stronger than we know.

Don't lets that voice inside your head convince you otherwise. You;re string and you're not alone - you have many friends here

You can do this

Prayers & best wishes for you and your mom.
D

sunshinel

Thank you Dee. But I am losing it. Just want to go to sleep and sleep forever. I am so tired of sadness.

Dee74

Maybe you can speak to your doctor about depression and support groups -- gotta be better than self medication with alcohol?

D

entropy1964

Hi Sunshine

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I have never dealt with end stage Parkinsons but I was the caregiver to my husband who died of cancer. It is brutal for sure.

I am also moving to my parents home this summer to care for them, both with dementia so how I handle this is going to be really important with respect to taking care of myself.

All I can say is do things that 'feel' good for you. Massage, facial, acupuncture, working out. Get your nails done. Do stuff for you, where there is human touch. It will help.

As has been mentioned, counseling and support groups. I am SURE there is a support group for people who have family members in the same situation as your mom. I attended a cancer support group for the spouses that was held at the hospital. Please look into that.

Watching suffering is awful. Do everything you can to help ease her pain but understand there is only so much you can do. Death is part of life. I hope that you Mom passes on in peace....and having you there, sober will help. But there is only so much you can. I am sure she would want you to take care of you too!!

Anna

I'm so sorry for your situation with your mother. Many hospitals offer group support for people who are grieving. Maybe there is something in your area? It's wonderful that are present for your mother, but I'm sure she wouldn't want you to feel overwhelmed to the point of drinking. If it's possible, can you take a day off every so often and just take care of yourself?

teatreeoil007

I'm not an expert on Parkinsons, but I was once a private duty nurse for a man with it to help pay my way through college. It's a hard way to go and can take a lot longer than people think. Your mom could go on for awhile. In the meantime you could get worse and worse in your alcoholism. Don't wait, friend.

Another way to look at it is what would your mom want for you? There are support groups for family of Parkinson's patients. That might be so helpful to know you're not alone in coping with this disease.

I'm sorry for the loss of your dad. Grieving takes time; a lot of time. I'm sure you miss him so much.

bluedog1997

least

To stay sober, you must want to be sober more than you want to drink.

teatreeoil007

You can just do an online search anytime to try and find some online support. But you will also benefit from face to face support. Your mother's caregivers can be a source of encouragement and support too. This is a family disease. Sometimes all you need at any moment is for someone to genuinely say, "Hang in there and take care of yourself."

https://downloadsearch.cnet.com/s?q=...iAAEgJw0fD_BwE

4thegirls

I cared for my mom's every need for my entire adult life, including the past 7 years since she went blind and started falling. She waa demanding, controlling and didn't like me, yet I took her to her doctors almost daily for everything under the sun. Meanwhile drinking all day every day to try to numb the exhauation, fear of my business failing and being broke because all of my time was for her. Trying to raise my children while ahe demanded all my time amd energy. She never missed an appointment, while I hadn't seen a doctor or dentist in 7 years. She is dead now, having passed away in August, and here I am, nearly dead myself at 50 from alcoholism, depression and exhaustion. I wish I could go back and care for myself when I should have. But I can't. I finally made a doctor appointment for next week and told my daughters and my business partner I need some time to get well. I told them I am not going to work for 2 weeks and I am going to get better and start changing my life. I wish I would have cared for myself sooner. I pray to God it isn't too late for me. Please care for you. Before it's too late <3